To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’(536 Posts)
I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.
Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.
I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!
Yanbu and your friends sound like arseholes.
So it’s ok for them not to drive but not ok for you to not like cycling?
YANBU. The cycling was not part of the plan when you booked. Sounds as though they are annoyed to lose one of their drivers - like you say, they are being hypocritical.
I personally would just go and relax and enjoy things you like to do during the day and have fun with your friends when they return in the afternoons. I think some quiet time for reading or a nap or doing something local sounds lovely, but depends on how happy you are with your own company (personally, I go on holiday alone once a year without my dh or dc and it’s amazing!).
Trying is the first step to failure
Youre wise to give up trying after just your first lesson
I can’t cycle and unless it was just one day of the holiday dedicated to cycling (meaning I would get some peace!) I wouldn’t go.
YANBU. I think your friends are utterly unreasonable to make the holiday all about an activity they want to do be not consider your feelings in this, particularly as you were going to be helping them out by doing lots of driving.
And I’m not sure what about the above situation makes you “hard work”
Yanbu. It sounds hurtful that your friends can't accept you as you are and find a compromise that meets everyone's needs in the group. Although I'd probably enjoy 3 days by myself! But I get this is it what you planned. I also am useless on a bike - I did learn when younger but am proof that the idea you never forget is not true. The odd time as an adult I have tried, I can only cycle in a straight line, can't take my hands of the handlebars, and fall off when I try to turn a corner. Can you try being honest with your friends about their responses hurting you? Or would that feel worse if they weren't able to hear you?
Maybe you have dyspraxia. I wonder if you should have a one to one lesson. You don't sound happy being defeated by it.
Very unreasonable of your friends to do so much cycling. Could you get/hire a tricycle? A woman on my school run rides a red one.
But by not going you would be spending all the time alone. Why not go then you can spend evenings with everyone. You all then get the holiday.
Not an answer to your holiday dilemma, but have you ever been checked for dyspraxia? This can cause problems with riding a bike, as well as other co-ordination issues.
Well aren't your friends bloody lovely . I agree that nothing you have done or said is unreasonable, if they were good friends they would have made other suggestions or scrapped the cycling full stop.
On a separate note have you considered you might be dyspraxic? The people I know who cannot ride bikes as adults all fall into this category.
They are positioning this as they are trying to help me because learning to cycle will benefit me and it's ridiculous that I've given up after just 1 lesson. But I didn't even enjoy the lesson and I just can't see myself cycling on the holiday even if I learned. This might sound a bit 'woo' but when I was learning to drive I found it tricky but I preserved because I somehow knew I could do it and I actually visualized myself driving. Can't say the same for cycling.
The 2 friends who can't/won't drive are paying for the car hire and petrol by way of recompense. The friend who is now the sole driver is 'really upset'.
DP said I'm hard work because it took him a bit of effort to swap dates with another colleague and get the time off and now it is not needed.
No, cycling is not a life skill - speaking as a 40+ non-cyclist who spent her childhood years avoiding cycling parties.
I tried to learn for years as a child, I kind of learned, I was never happy
later discovered I am hypermobile and autistic The chances you are going to learn now and mooch about as happily as they are as lifelong riders is prob zero.
I'd go with "we all have different skills, I'm not expecting you to learn to drive by the time of the holiday. I thought it was one sort of holiday and now it isn't"
your friends are very unkind, they should switch back to the original plan, I would for a friend and your "D"P should be angry for you not rolling his eyes
you sound kind, you tried when you could have just told them it was not the plan originally and you did not agree with the new one (and I would definitely ask for the money back!)
find new friends and talk to your DP about his unsupportive attitude!
Has it now been changed completely to a biking holiday, or will it just be a bit of it.
TBH whilst YANBU if it's now mainly switched to something you're not yet confident/safe to do and therefore won't enjoy, you could just - drive to their biking destinations and meet them there/do something else whilst they bike-ride, if it isn't totally remote.
It doesn't sound like they are all terribly serious about it. If they think you can get to their standard from not being able to ride at all I am sure it's just going to be a bit of tootling about.
There are a few people that ride trikes where I live. Find out if the hire shop has one of them to hire.
As someone else said your "friends" are arses! Talk about double standards of cycling when they won't drive
Your friends are being arses. But YABU to give up trying to ride a bike after one lesson. It's a great skill to have.
That’s really mean of your friends, if a cycling holiday wasn’t agreed as the main purpose of the trip then they should be willing to compromise like 1 day bike riding and the rest should be walking/beach/other activities you can do together. I’m sorry but they sound like horrible people who only want you for your driving license and not for your actual company.
Out of interest why aren’t you asking for your money back? They’re the ones insisting on an itinerary that was never agreed when you booked that purposefully excludes you.
Yanbu - if my group of friends booked a holiday and realised one of us could not do the planned activity, we’d change the activity! I’d feel a little hurt by your situation op.
I am with you OP. I can cycle, but don't enjoy it and wouldn't want a lovely walking holiday spoiled by cycling every day. Couldn't your friends compromise and just cycle for one of the days? That way they don't lose their driver - win, win.
They might be so saddle-sore after their first day’s cycling that they abandon the idea of cycling for the rest of the break...
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