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To ask if you've regretted a location move

(119 Posts)
mikado1 Thu 14-Jun-18 23:46:15

..have you moved back and in what time frame or have you accepted your lot/mistake and got on with it (and if the latter, did you eventually get over it?)

I think our move was a big mistake but I'm not sure where to go from here, if could turn back time, I'd not do it but it's not quite so simple to retrace steps now it's done. Schools and house to be found in a sought after area being the basic issue plus a £40k increase in mortgage.. am I mad to consider it? I'm awake at night berating myself and haven't gone a single day in nearly a year, without thinking of the place and life we left.

Should say move was to hometown, and was what I always thought we'd do but reality hasn't measured up and i didn't realise how much we'd settled in old place as years had passed.

Anyone with advice or experience, would really appreciate it.

KC225 Thu 14-Jun-18 23:50:52

Yes, moved from London to Sweden (my DH's home town). I deeply regret it. I am desperate to move back but wonder hownI will ever afford it

mikado1 Thu 14-Jun-18 23:54:15

That's me now KC225 it all seems so obvious in hindsight to me.. I think my dh feels the same but would rather avoid the stress of attempting a return while I feel it's now or never and if we're sorted in 6,m time it will be worth it. Literally no houses in area now tho. It's a horrible feeling.

mikado1 Fri 15-Jun-18 14:26:37

Any sage advice?

mikado1 Sun 17-Jun-18 10:15:10


peachgreen Sun 17-Jun-18 11:09:55

Moved from London to NI. Regretted it so much I felt a bit sick. Three years on and I'm glad we did it - I still miss London but it was the right move.

mikado1 Sun 17-Jun-18 11:12:24

Yes I feel that physical sickness and at times dizzy. I feel like the decision happened, rather than I made it. Horrible, horrible feeling.

Luckystar1 Sun 17-Jun-18 11:14:39

peach we’re due to do the same move soon...! Any tips? I’m nervous but I’m hoping it’s the best thing for our family

peachgreen Sun 17-Jun-18 11:14:43

I felt the same. It was awful. I know it may still come back. What helped me was discussing it with DH and agreeing a timescale for us to try and settle (4 years). If we don't feel settled by then we'll move. That alone helped.

peachgreen Sun 17-Jun-18 11:20:55

@Luckystar1 Ooh, exciting! Where in NI are you moving to? Loads of benefits of being here - lower cost of living, fantastic schools, better healthcare, amazing outdoor space and most of all everyone is just so much friendlier and nicer. It's a bit of a culture shock at first mind you. Are you moving with someone who's from NI?

Top tips:
- if you're at all religious join a big family-friendly church with loads of groups etc - you're bound to find a niche there
- get out and about in the area you live in, get to know the shop workers etc as it's lovely to have a friendly face to chat to on days when you're feeling lonely
- set up a savings account for plane fares so you can go back to England to visit when you fancy it - stops the sea feeling like quite such a barrier
- don't worry about the cultural differences (sounds silly but things like having different household names / childhood cultural experiences / traditions etc can be really alienating at first but you'll soon get the hang of things)
- go back to England over the 12th July!

Will have more advice depending on where you're moving to!

MissCharleyP Sun 17-Jun-18 11:25:13

Yes, moved from hometown in NW England in 2012. Moved initially to Hertfordshire then Kent then Bedfordshire. Both me and DH made redundant in Feb 2017. Moved back to my hometown May 2017. I hate it. I miss my life in SE so much: going to London, the excellent transport, the opportunities and jobs. I had a job from Feb-Aug last year so stayed with my parents until our new house was ready. Was unemployed from Aug-Nov then I got a temp retail min wage job Nov-Jan. I’ve been unemployed since then. I’m starting new job tomorrow, but I’m going to have to drive every day (about 60 mile round trip) and try to find somewhere cheap/free to park then travel in as I won’t have parking provided. Public transport isn’t an option (shift work), like it was where I lived before. DH constantly points out that we have no mortgage and are lucky, which I get. We are compared to some but I’m sick of; having to drive everywhere, there being no jobs locally so having to commute on a system that is nowhere near as good as where I was before, lack of places like Borough Market. I have said to DH that if this job works out then we will have to look at moving closer to where I work.

Miladamermalada Sun 17-Jun-18 11:29:40

This is interesting as I'm interested in moving from England to Scotland, on my own, with 4 kids. My rationale is better environment, free education university wise, and for a new start.
My kids are in secondary.
I don't know if I'd regret it. I'm at that cross roads of buy the house I'm waiting to exchange on, or moving 5 hours away.

ComeOnGordon Sun 17-Jun-18 11:33:01

Don’t regret moving countries but bitterly regret buying a house in a tiny village. Was great when the kids were little but now they’re all teenagers I’m just a taxi. And there’s nothing to do within walking distance which I’ve realised is really important to me. H and I are now separated and I’m making plans to move to the small town where the kids go to school - it has shops and a train station!! grin
He refused to even discuss moving even tho he knew I was deeply unhappy living here - turns out he was shagging a colleague for the last 18 months of our marriage which is prob why he didn’t care about how I felt.
I’ll be so glad to move out this house - the village sometimes feels like a prison

Luckystar1 Sun 17-Jun-18 11:46:06

Peach I’m from NI so I’m hoping it’ll be slightly easier. We’re living close to where I grew up. I’m nervous as I’ve lived in England for 10 years and my husband is from here (but not from where we live!)

Can I ask how you found the logistics of moving (eg moving your actual possessions?)

Miladamermalada Sun 17-Jun-18 11:49:15

That's interesting Gordon because I was thinking a village was better than a town for my kids!

SluttyButty Sun 17-Jun-18 11:59:46

We did. Moved from a big town to a small village. I really hated it, the kids weren't keen, dh not as bothered because he was out at work all day.

Put up with it for seven years with me becoming increasingly miserable being so far away from family and trapped in village life.

We considered moving back home but that was going to be difficult with dh's job. So we made a sideways move, left the village and moved to a small town.

We're all far happier now and I would never live in a small village again, EVER.

peachgreen Sun 17-Jun-18 12:21:46

@Luckystar1 Oh you'll be fine then - things have changed but only for the better. smile

Moving was a total pain tbh. My recommendation would be to pay extra to get a reputable company. We hired Browns and they were awful - didn't turn up in time to pack, didn't provide enough drivers, missed the ferry, didn't tell us, left us stranded with no stuff etc etc. Never again. But it all worked out okay in the end. We rented first and then figured out where we wanted to buy. Hope you get it all sorted and settle in well - PM me if you ever need anything. smile

ludothedog Sun 17-Jun-18 12:35:25

When single I move to Spain. Loved it. Moved back to Scotland when dc were small. We chose a small town with good transport links to city an d close, but not too close, to family. Definitely right move for us. It did take me a good few years to find friends and a decent job but it was worth the wait.

Maelstrop Sun 17-Jun-18 12:37:34

Interesting thread. We’re looking at early retirement in the next ten years and the dream is to leave London and buy a country pad, surrounded by our own land. I’m not sure how realistic this is given we’ll be very reliant on each other, no others to speak to, no easy nipping to the supermarkets for forgotten milk etc, no amenities nearby.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Sun 17-Jun-18 12:38:41

Moved 25 years ago from home city to small town for Dh's job. Better schools, countryside, quiet, safe. Lonely, boring,isolated. Dh got made redundant, schools in home city oversubscribed, property prices sky high, kids settled. I go days without seeing people in the holidays if he's working. Miles to nearest town. I'd not go back, but there are times when I could cry with boredom.

mikado1 Sun 17-Jun-18 12:53:56

Thanks for all the thoughts and experiences. It's not easy feeling it's a huge mistake, and that I've messed up my children's lives.. (probably catastrophising a bit there I know)

mikado1 Sun 17-Jun-18 12:55:50

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow, why do you say you'd not go back? Your situation is like mine in that houses in old place soaring so it's now or never for a return- and we both have jobs on hold there.

krustykittens Sun 17-Jun-18 13:01:12

We moved from the centre of Bath to rural Cheshire as we wanted a complete lifestyle change. Didn't really get it, were not very happy with where we were living so after 10 months we put the house on the market, got an offer within two weeks, were in the Scottish Borders four months later! grin But it was easy for us as we are not location dependent for work and moving to a cheaper area meant money wasn't a problem either. We are much happier for the move but it is hard to get involved with the community round here. We are slowly chipping away at it. No way would I go back to living in a city though!

krustykittens Sun 17-Jun-18 13:02:46

Just saw your last post - if you are really unhappy and there is a narrowing window of opportunity to go back to your old life, I would go back. If you still feel like you need to make a move elsewhere, you can learn from your experiences and make your next move from a better financial position.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Sun 17-Jun-18 13:36:26

Most if the ties there are gone. My job no longer exists. (I'm in a different job now and a move could screw up my pension) The grown kids see themselves as being from here.
But-looking back will make you miserable. The past is a land you can't return to.

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