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AIBU about this family wedding?

(27 Posts)
Benji13 Wed 13-Jun-18 21:39:48

So dh brother is getting married next month.
All the family are invited and as it's not near home we are sharing a large house for the wknd. Dhs step mum has organised the house.

She has sent a group email stating how much we all owe and lists bedroom allocations with names against them. My ds is v put out - as am I to see his cousin and gf are invited whilst his own gf - of nearly a yr isn't. Why?? Seems v unfair. I'm also bit miffed we - dh me and 2 sons have been allocated the cellar bedrooms - restricted head heights for us - the tallest family- I'm 5 10 sons are 6 1 and 6 3. It was stated in the email how we will need hard hats - haha. We are paying over £300 for 2 nights - our allocation to the shared house rental.

Thing is do I say anything about either of these issues or do I just let it go? Dhs step mum is rather bombastic to say the least.

Disfordarkchocolate Wed 13-Jun-18 21:44:41

I wouldn't query who they have chosen to invite but I'd politely respond that the accomodation isn't suitable for us and we won't be able to stay in the room allocated. If that meant I had to find somewhere else to stay I would do that and happily ignore any opposition.

TheNoseyProject Wed 13-Jun-18 21:44:45

Yanbu on the second, but don’t pile in just ask to swap.

Yabu on the first. They can invite who they like, maybe they know cousin and gf better

Maelstrop Wed 13-Jun-18 22:02:03

Stay elsewhere stating reasons why.

MadMags Wed 13-Jun-18 22:04:05

Email back and say you can’t stay in those rooms, but you don’t want to cause any hassle so you’ll find your own accommodation.

MadMags Wed 13-Jun-18 22:04:47

I don’t know how old your son is but he’s with this girl less than a year - I wouldn’t invite her either.

RandomMess Wed 13-Jun-18 22:08:27

Sorry no can stay in those rooms, we'll find somewhere else instead.

TheCraicDealer Wed 13-Jun-18 22:08:42

"Thanks for this. Cellar rooms won't work for us so we're going to organise separate accomodation. See you at the wedding!"

Then if someone volunteers to take the non-cellar rooms to save everyone else a few quid that's up to them, but you've made it clear you're not taking those rooms. Wouldn't make an issue of the girlfriend- she's not invited to the wedding and that's not your or SMIL's call.

Whipsmart Wed 13-Jun-18 22:18:45

Being given the low-ceiling room when you're the tallest family does seem quite rude and illogical. To be clear, when you say ds' cousin, is that actually the child of the person getting married? Or is it another cousin? Either way there's not much you can do, the guest list is up to them.

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb Wed 13-Jun-18 22:23:15

I’m with @thecraicdealer. I’d use that response.

I think gfs of a year aren’t always going to be invited as plus ones to weddings. It depends on how well they know the B&G at that stage. If they’re married or have been together a long time that’s different.

elessar Wed 13-Jun-18 22:24:17

I think YABU about the gf - less than a year wouldn't make it to a family wedding in my view. Maybe they know the cousin's gf better?

As for the rooms, either suck it up, suggest they won't work for you and ask to swap, or say you'll sort alternative accommodation?

bunbunny Wed 13-Jun-18 22:31:11

If you were feeling brave (and dh was agreeable) I'd maybe email back about the second issue something along the lines of 'very funny MIL - can you let us know which rooms you're really putting us in as I'm sure you're not planning on putting us in the restricted height rooms and risking our health! Much safer and more sensible to put us in rooms we will actually fit without the need for protective headgear... grin We assume that if we don't hear otherwise we'll be in the room that you say you're in while you have the room you've put us down to have as that way nobody will be risking head injuries (sure the bride and groom won't appreciate anyone turning up with concussion!) and ds2&ds1 can swap rooms with xx and yy. That way we'll all be happy and healthy and have our heads in one piece!

I'd make it quite jolly and pepper it with smileys - but if she came back and said she won't swap your bedrooms (either with her or anyone else) then I'd go down the deadly serious route - MIL we can't believe that you think it's appropriate let alone funny to put the tallest members of the family into the rooms with the lowest doors and ceiling height, where you know that we will be at risk of badly hurting our head every time we stand up, walk around or use the door, particularly as there are plenty of other family members who could easily use these rooms without being afflicted - yourself included. We're really disappointed that you even considered this, let alone actually did this. As you're not willing to change rooms but believe that it is fine for us to hurt ourselves then we are very upset but the only conclusion we can come to is that you do not want us to stay in the house with you. We wish that you told us this earlier, however we are listening and will not stay in the house but instead find alternative accommodation.

MamaMiapartytime Wed 13-Jun-18 22:32:51

Were you aware that some rooms were in the cellar when you agreed to be part of the booking?

tinyme77 Wed 13-Jun-18 22:35:59

You won't be in the rooms, standing, for long. Just go and be grateful that they organised it and you didn't have to.

MamaMiapartytime Wed 13-Jun-18 22:36:17

Don't rooms that are rented have to have a minimum head height?

Lycanthropology Wed 13-Jun-18 22:45:45

2 nights in Premier Inn would be cheaper (and more spacious) than that, do I'd hop off there instead.
Do the wedding couple know your DSs girlfriend?

KeepServingTheDrinks Wed 13-Jun-18 23:05:02

Perfect response ---> "Thanks for this. Cellar rooms won't work for us so we're going to organise separate accomodation. See you at the wedding!"

Let us know the outcome OP

PuppetOnAString Wed 13-Jun-18 23:08:24

How long has the cousin been with the gf? +1s aren’t an assumed thing.

MamaMiapartytime Wed 13-Jun-18 23:30:01

Who do you think should go in the cellar rooms?

TheCraicDealer Wed 13-Jun-18 23:43:49

Probably the Baggins branch of the family.

MyKingdomForBrie Wed 13-Jun-18 23:48:01

This is why I hate these big house shares - there’s always some great rooms and some shit rooms - it’s got to be draw straws or nothing and in some cases the split of payments should be pay more for the better rooms. It’s just not air otherwise.

In this instance I’d suck it up for a couple of nights because I’m non confrontational. I would ask about the gf situation though.

FASH84 Thu 14-Jun-18 00:11:40

Cellar rooms don't always have low ceilings and some are done really nicely, maybe they've put you down there so you're together as a family. YABU about the gf. It's a couple of nights, it's not a big deal. If you get there and it is head bumping territory ask to swap there and then, you're assuming it's a problem before you know if it is.

NerrSnerr Thu 14-Jun-18 00:45:30

It's up to the bride and groom who they invite. Have they met your son's girlfriend? How long had they been together when they sent the invitations? A year isn't that long.

Could you sort out your own accommodation if you're not happy with the shared house?

springsummerautumnwinter Thu 14-Jun-18 07:38:35

Are your children the youngest? That might have been the logic when assigning rooms.

Also plus ones. It could be for over 18s. How old are your children?

Gottokondo Thu 14-Jun-18 08:30:12

If this is how they start I would book somewhere else pronto. It won't get any better hmm

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