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To still be proud of my bump?

(40 Posts)
TitsalinaBumsquat Wed 13-Jun-18 21:10:36

I am currently 11 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child, with a miscarriage 6 months ago. Next week we have our 12 week scan which will confirm that our baby’s heart is growing outside of its chest. We have decided I will have a termination due to very low survival chances and life quality and the impact a disabled child will have on us as a family. That will probably be another 2/3 weeks away.

And now my bump is showing, and I cry every morning when I get dressed because it’s so painful to have this beautiful bump growing and knowing it’s not going to end in us holding our baby. A bump that I prayed for when I miscarried last year. Not wanting people in the shop to realise I’m pregnant because in a few weeks time I won’t be and I don’t want any awkward questions. So I’m choosing my baggiest clothes but it’s getting hard to cover.

And despite all of this I look in the mirror and I’m proud of this beautiful baby growing, and proud of what my body has done for me. AIBU to be proud? AIBU to want to hide it? I just don’t know how to feel!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Wed 13-Jun-18 21:11:45

Ah my love. I’m so sorry flowers

ChocEggNoThanks Wed 13-Jun-18 21:13:06

I'm sorry you are going through this. Thinking about you flowers

dontlikebeards Wed 13-Jun-18 21:13:23

flowers There are no words I can say to make you feel better. Be proud of your bump x

TitsalinaBumsquat Wed 13-Jun-18 21:14:28

Thank you ladies, I just don’t know how others would expect me to behave in this situation and I’m completely conflicted!

Teaandbiscuits35 Wed 13-Jun-18 21:16:11

YANBU to do anything. There isn’t a right or wrong way to deal with such a heartbreaking situation. Do whatever you feel at the time. Sending you strength flowers

FlirtyRomanticToast Wed 13-Jun-18 21:16:18

What an awful time for you to be going through. I'm so sorry. Stay strong. flowers

Glumglowworm Wed 13-Jun-18 21:17:40

Nothing you’re feeling now is unreasonable

So sorry you’re going through this flowers

practicallyperfectmummy Wed 13-Jun-18 21:18:21

Your bump is beautiful, I'm so sorry to read of the sad circumstances what a incredible hard situation to be in. Hugs to you brave mama x

minniemummy0 Wed 13-Jun-18 21:18:55

Be proud of your bump. Be proud of your baby. You’re showing them you’re a truly good mother by loving them and letting them go. You’re only looking after them for a brief short time, but that’s how it’s meant to be.

NatashaRomanov Wed 13-Jun-18 21:19:05

None of your feelings are unreasonable.
I am sorry you are going through this. flowers

JustVent Wed 13-Jun-18 21:20:45

I’m so sorry.

I had to have a medical management when I was nearly 15 weeks, so if that’s the route you are choosing and want to talk it through then please feel free to PM me or even ask on here.

You will love and remember your baby forever. My heart goes out to you. Xxx

Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown Wed 13-Jun-18 21:20:53

I'm so sorry you're going through this, your bump is indeed beautiful.

Take good care of yourself thanks

LloydColeandtheCoconuts Wed 13-Jun-18 21:21:34

I agree with PP your bump is beautiful, your bump is precious and your bump is yours to feel how you want. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.
Much love and flowers to you

FrogCow Wed 13-Jun-18 21:22:30

There is no right or wrong way to feel.
Only how you are feeling. Much love to you and your family x

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 13-Jun-18 21:23:55

I'm so heartily sorry. Your bump is gorgeous. I hope you don't mind me saying but you're huge for 11 weeks. I was like that having my dd.
flowers

WonderTweek Wed 13-Jun-18 21:24:40

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Your body is doing an amazing job so feeling proud is only natural, and it’s good that you can find something positive in this situation. <3 Hiding the bump is also very normal. I was in your situation two years ago (except that it was my first pregnancy) and did my best to hide the pregnancy for 18+ weeks. It was hard, and getting used to suddenly not being pregnant was very difficult, but it gets easier with time. I’m sending you good vibes and strength. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can always message me if you want. flowers

TitsalinaBumsquat Wed 13-Jun-18 21:30:05

Thank you ladies.

I try and think about if I were looking at me and knew the situation, how would I expect me to react. I feel guilty for wanting to hide it, because I’m proud too, but hiding it is basically self preservation and maybe that’s a selfish way to feel.

I know I’m big already (can’t remember which pp mentioned!), I was with my son too and I guess as this is my third pregnancy that doesn’t help. My SIL has just got a bump at 24 weeks - I feel ridiculous in comparison!!

MidnightAura Wed 13-Jun-18 21:30:42

I’m so sorry you are in this position. Sending you strength

TheBigFatMermaid Wed 13-Jun-18 21:31:20

Oh lovely I am so sorry.

I know you have the feeling that while that bump is there, your baby is safe and cosy inside you. Obviously of you went to term, that would not be the case once the baby was born.

I say enjoy, as best you can, the feeling of having your baby all cosy inside be proud of that bump in your own home, and while sharing with us. Thank you for sharing this with us by the way. I imagine I am not the only one feeling honoured. x

2018SoFarSoGreat Wed 13-Jun-18 21:33:04

So very sorry you are going through this, but it is very apparent that the bump carries a much loved and precious gift. Treasure it while you can hold it in your hands; you will forever hold her in your heart flowers

MikeUniformMike Wed 13-Jun-18 21:40:59

flowers

OnlyFoolsnMothers Wed 13-Jun-18 21:42:21

flowers

nocoolnamesleft Wed 13-Jun-18 21:43:36

You are proud of your bump because you love your baby. You have decided that you love your baby too much to deliberately decide to put them through endless medical procedures with low chance of success. But your bump still contains the baby you love. A baby you want. A baby you'd sell your soul for them to be healthy. So of course you can still be proud of your bump, and the way your body is managing to find a way to support your baby, for the time you have left together.

whoseafraidofnaomiwolf Wed 13-Jun-18 21:44:31

I agree with PP, you look lovely. Your bump is beautiful and you are absolutely right to feel so proud. Not all our babies can stay with us for as long as we would hope or wish for, but it doesn't stop us being proud to be their Mum from their tiny start and for as long as we live. Sending you a big hug and flowers

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