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To wonder how I can go on like this

(11 Posts)
thatsnotmynaame Wed 13-Jun-18 17:02:04

Okay this will probably be long and waffley so my apologies in advance. I've always struggled with depression but since having my son it's just hit me so hard and it seems to get worse everyday. He's 8mo now and still wakes up around 3 times in the night for a feed, he naps 6 hours a day and will absolutely not eat solids regularly (more than a few spoonfuls a day) It's like living with a mobile newborn. I love him to death and other than the feeding he's a dream baby but I find myself spending my days sat on the couch waiting for the day to be over or sobbing.
I have no motivation to do anything, my house is unbelievably messy, something that's always been an issue for me but I promised myself that I would keep up with it when I had him. I spend every night laid in bed dreading getting up and having to go through another day of the same old. I'm having a day today where I just genuinely question what the hell I'm going to do. I feel like I can't go on another day like this. I feel as though I'm going to just have a breakdown and I have no idea what to do. My dp is amazing in general but does not understand my MH issues at all. I've been to the GP countless times and frankly they're utterly useless. No one that I try to speak to about it will understand the severity of how I'm feeling, I want to just give up at this point and I don't even know what I mean by that. I really just can't see myself getting up and being able to do this again tomorrow and I'm just numb. How do I get through this?

MiniCooperLover Wed 13-Jun-18 17:05:13

You poor thing OP, it all sounds very rough. You need to cut down his naps. He does not need 6 hours of naps during the day. 3/3.5 is more than enough. That should help his night wakings. That in turn will give him more appetite for food. How much milk does he have?

thatsnotmynaame Wed 13-Jun-18 17:28:07

@minicooperlove he really does need the 6 hours we've tried cutting down and he doesn't cope well at all. He's even been to the doctor's to be tested for anaemia but he's just a lazy baby! He has about 4 bottles of 8oz in the day and it varies at night. It'd odd though because I don't necessarily know that he's the root of issue, even if there's nothing to beside about I still feel sad. I just feel like I don't have the energy and motivation to be a good mother

multiplemum3 Wed 13-Jun-18 17:49:06

Have you tried baby led weaning? My twins took to that so much more than puree, it might help him cut down on food at night

GreenTulips Wed 13-Jun-18 17:52:14

I agree with cutting out the long naps
You'll feel better on a few decent nights sleeps - I'm not saying you'll be cured but at least feel more human.

Stop giving him kill in the night and just give water - he'll realise it's not worth waking up for

Good luck

SinkGirl Wed 13-Jun-18 17:57:19

Bless you. I found that stage with my twins so so hard - bottles and solids, mobile but no understanding of danger, sleep still awful.

It will get better, I promise. Keep going back to the doctors, see a different one if you can, badger your health visitor and see if they can refer you to perinatal mental health team. You can do this. Forget the mess. You’ll soon get to a stage where it’s more manageable, I promise.

MiniCooperLover Thu 14-Jun-18 18:01:04

He may well give you hell for quite a few days, maybe a week, at being kept awake when he doesn't want to, but. And he may want that many naps but he doesn't need them. If he did he'd still be sleeping better at night too. You need to take him out, distract him, keep him awake. It's not fun no, but it's necessary. Then he'll be tired enough in the evening. I think having 4 bottles is filling him up too much. Again it doesn't sound kind but you need to cut those down, then he may become hungry but he doesn't need to right now because he's filling up on milk. I have every sympathy OP.

ichifanny Thu 14-Jun-18 18:04:09

I remember my daughter falling asleep in her dinner at about 9-10 months and trying to keep her awake to try get her to start sleeping overnight . You need to get more food in during day , less milk and less naps he will fight t at first

Littlemisschocolate Thu 14-Jun-18 19:13:16

Firstly can I say that it sounds like you are doing a great job. It's hard work being a mum but it does get easier as they get older. I strongly recommend that you contact the health visitors (your gp surgery will give you the number if you can't find it) and tell them what you're going through. You can ask them to refer you to homestart who may send a volunteer out to you for a while. Don't worry too much about the mess, just try to chuck out the dirty nappies and maybe get the dishes in the dishwasher. If you want to try and do a bit more try setting a timer for 5 minutes and see what you can do in that time. I do this a few times a day and often end up doing a bit more. Literally the only way I can face the dishes is by setting the timer for 15 mins as then I know I can stop soon! Sending hugs, I know it's hard.

Littlemisschocolate Thu 14-Jun-18 19:17:31

And agree about seeking out perinatal mental health team. I assume you're on max dose for the depression?

letstryagainaaahhhh Thu 14-Jun-18 19:44:16

Firstly please don't be so hard on yourself, motherhood is hard, especially without sleep, from reading your post, you are obviously a brilliant and loving mum.

But I agree with others... you need a routine. At this age my daughters day would roughly look like this:

6am wake up
6:15 bottle
7:30 porridge for breakfast
8:30/9am nap (approx 40 mins)
11:00 lunch
12pm nap
1:20/2am wake up and bottle
3:30 small snack
4pm a short 30 min nap which I would wake her up from if she didn't wake herself
5pm dinner
6pm bath
6:30 bottle
7pm bed

She was not a great night time sleeper but I stopped all night feeds at this point which got her eating enough in the day. once her food intake was enough and around your babies age she finally started sleeping through... occasionally! I'm not showing this to make you feel bad, you're clearly a fantastic mum. But things do become more manageable once babies follow a routine and at the moment your baby seems to be confusing day and night, and so is sleeping too much in the day. I think you should be aiming for no more than 3-4hrs hours at this stage, otherwise they're not tired enough in the night to sleep. It will definitely involve some tears to change his body clock, but it will be worth it so that you can get some sleep.

Good luck and try to remember that your baby loves you and you are a wonderful mum.thanks

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