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To not attend family friend's wedding for this ridiculousness?

(209 Posts)
Alookerer Wed 13-Jun-18 14:18:36

My mum, dad, sister and me have been invited to a family friend's wedding. Known her all our lives.

She says on the invite 'No Under 18s'

We did wonder why our other sister wasn't invited. She's 17 (18 a week after the wedding), and has a DC of her own.

My mum did mention in passing if DSister2 was invited if she could arrange childcare and the family friend's response was "Sorry, but I'm sticking with No under 18s".

I think family friend is being unreasonable. It isn't down to venue restrictions, either. It's a very basic wedding with a little buffet and stuff afterwards. I had my wedding at the same location.

I asked my DH, who usually sees both sides and agrees with the other person and not me, and even he agrees it is very odd!

What do you think?

AIBU to think she should be invited?

SneakyGremlins Wed 13-Jun-18 14:19:53

Something to do with venue providing alcohol maybe?

anyquestionsquestion Wed 13-Jun-18 14:20:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alookerer Wed 13-Jun-18 14:22:04

Sneaky I did mention it in my OP I think but if you didn't see, the venue was the same as the one I had my wedding at blush

They allow children, even late.

What's more, we remember discussing her wedding plans a month or so ago and she said "absolutely no kids! Can't wait for a peaceful and adult centred wedding. Will be nice"

I can't get that comment out of my head. My sister isn't a 'kid' in that sense

SneakyGremlins Wed 13-Jun-18 14:24:10

Oh right blush I saw that, I figured you meant age restrictions not necessarily that the venue won't serve under 18s?

I'm not saying I agree with the family friend though!

Maybe she secretly disapproves of a 17 year old having a baby? <clutches straws>

QuantamBaby Wed 13-Jun-18 14:24:16

Small kids I can understand, but a 17 year old? When all their siblings are going??? Incredibly rude!

StealthNinjaMum Wed 13-Jun-18 14:24:53

It sounds odd but I suppose you have to draw the line somewhere. If she let a 17 year old in perhaps a friend would want a 16 year old etc.

Did I misunderstand or did you say your 17 year old sister (18 a week later) needs childcare? That sounds odder than her being not invited to the wedding.

StealthNinjaMum Wed 13-Jun-18 14:25:50

I'm such an idiot. Yes it's for your sister's child. <leaves thread embarrassed>

PissOffMauriel Wed 13-Jun-18 14:26:46

I'd not go. Ffs some people turn into utterly bizarre arseholes around weddings. That's just bloody mean not to invite your dsis.

Loopyloopy Wed 13-Jun-18 14:26:57

You know what mumsnet says. They are free to set the rules, you are free to decline to go. I personally think it's odd / rude that your sister is not invited, but you know how it goes - you make an exception for the 17yo, then it's the 16yo, and then it's a kids' party.
Don't cut off your nose to spite your face, however.

Alookerer Wed 13-Jun-18 14:27:06

Sneaky She hasn't said anything outright but she didn't say anything about her pregnancy at the time, even when it was the biggest elephant in the room as it was a big topic near her due date, when me and her other sister were talking about exciting times being an Aunty, etc etc

Did not congratulate or say anything nice to my sister when the baby was born and brought round to our local family pub for a get together.

I think she may well have some hidden opinion we don't know about

BlancheM Wed 13-Jun-18 14:27:14

Yanbu. How ridiculous

Alookerer Wed 13-Jun-18 14:27:56

Stealth grin

tripYouOut Wed 13-Jun-18 14:28:49

Saying "adult centred" is reason enough to not go!

Shoxfordian Wed 13-Jun-18 14:29:40

She seems really inflexible unless she's worried your sister will want to bring her child with her or maybe she thinks if she lets one under 18 in that there'll be others wanting to come

DavidBowiesNumber1 Wed 13-Jun-18 14:29:40

There's a thread up at the moment about a bride-to-be worrying if it's rude to specify over 16's only and she's being told it's her wedding so her rules.
Same thing with your friend OP

Loopytiles Wed 13-Jun-18 14:30:26

Was she close to your younger sister specifically?

Perhaps there are legions of 16 and 17yo potential invitees and the couple don’t wish to make an exception?

sonjadog Wed 13-Jun-18 14:31:17

You think that maybe she wants to exclude your sister as she disapproves of her having a child so young? If that's so, then I probably wouldn't want to go to her wedding either.

QueenDaisy Wed 13-Jun-18 14:31:26

I don’t see the problem, it’s her wedding, she can invite who she wants. You don’t have to go & she should realise some people won’t go because she’s excluded some people from the same family/friend group that she’s included some from.

Seeline Wed 13-Jun-18 14:31:59

It may be that there are other under 18s - family tat she doesn't want. It's much easier just to say no under 18s. Aunty Mable would be very upset if she found out that your sister had gone when her nearly 18yo wasn't allowed.
Mind you - it s her wedding she can invite who she likes. No one should expect an invite.

PinkSuitcases Wed 13-Jun-18 14:33:28

It might be unreasonable in the situation but it's her wedding so it's totally her decision. If you don't like it, don't go. She has every right to invite just who she wants.

Alookerer Wed 13-Jun-18 14:33:37

Shox I have to say, we are very close within our circle of friend/families and the closest person to being anything near 18 would be a mutual friend's son who is 15. Doubt he'd be too fussed about going, and usually gets left alone for long periods by his DMum

It seems as if she's being awkward for no real reason.

Yes, I know she's set it as U18 being a no but this just seems a strange thing not the flexible on 1. Because DSis is very much an adult now who's met a few more life milestones than her and 2. She knows her and knows she isn't childish. She also knows she's a very mature and quiet girl who isn't going to start demanding Pop Party is played or something

Xmasbaby11 Wed 13-Jun-18 14:34:53

She has to draw the line somewhere and 18 is reasonable.

ScrubTheDecks Wed 13-Jun-18 14:36:53

It does seem mean and petty.
But there may be a reason they want to keep a particular person out.
But I think it is tit for tat mean and petty for you all to refuse to go.

prunemerealgood Wed 13-Jun-18 14:37:12

She doesn't sound like a barrel of laughs.
Maybe you and your sister could do something great that evening together? She must be feeling pretty shite.

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