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Can you request “no toys” for birthday parties

(250 Posts)
Absofrigginlootly Tue 12-Jun-18 18:31:10

Just musing really with a friend about whether it’s bad form to state “no toys as presents” on a child’s party invite.....?

For context: we both try to practice toy minimalism. Both for child development reasons (research shows how less toys = more attention and creativity) and for the environmental impact of mass produced plastic toys.

If an invite said something like “presents are not expected but if you want to gift something please can we kindly request no toys. Suggestions if they may be helpful: art supplies, plant seeds, sticker books, picture/reading books”

Would you think that was unreasonable? Rude?

I’m on the fence and can’t decide <picks splinters out of arse> smile

21jumpstreet Tue 12-Jun-18 18:34:36

I don’t think you can specify what gifts you would like to receive, it’s a bit rude. Either write no presents please or accept toys will be presents.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Tue 12-Jun-18 18:34:38

Honestly, if my child received an invite with that wording, I'd think it was a bit strange but go along with it. My reaction would also depend on how well I knew you. Not sure how others would react.

Orchidflower1 Tue 12-Jun-18 18:35:11

I think it would be fine to say no gifts but if my dc brought home an invitation saying no gifts BUT you can get xyz I’d feel a bit like I was being told what to do. I’d imagine most people would give money/ gift card if it said no gifts as I don’t think people would feel comfortable doing no gift. I know it sounds weird but I wouldn’t!

Hope that helps OP < do you need tweezers?!>

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Tue 12-Jun-18 18:36:03

Very rude tbh. You can either accept what you're given or request no gifts at all.

clarrylove Tue 12-Jun-18 18:37:25

Not keen. The only time I have seen this was when a parent said if you really must give something then a £2 coin for his moneybox would be appreciated. I think it is rude to specify what type of present is x acceptable. Often children choose something they think their friend might like. Or it's a regift!

MsFrizzle Tue 12-Jun-18 18:39:27

I wouldn't really mind this? I totally get you on the plastic part - not sure about the idea of toy minimalism, but reducing plastic use is A-ok by me.

EscapistTendencies Tue 12-Jun-18 18:39:54

No the clue is in the word 'gift'. You can state no gifts at all but not a list of acceptable/unacceptable gifts, too cheeky. Although I see why you'd like to. Mine often got duplicate Lego gifts I just kept them and regifted, they don't notice when there's a large number of gifts. We're onto the tenner in a card stage, so much easier.

Amy1996 Tue 12-Jun-18 18:41:47

If I saw this I would be applauded ! If you don't want toys then give them to charity or a children's hospital etc, don't tell people what not to buy

kitkatsky Tue 12-Jun-18 18:42:51

I don't like rules around presents as I usually have a couple of emergency gifts at any one time for last minute invites/ when I'm broke. Depending on age of your child I'd be more inclined to accept the gifts, let them pick three favourites to play with straight away and put rest away for safekeeping. Then if they're not asked about within 3-6 months charity shop/ sell them. This only works for kids under 7 tho in my experience

StripePolkaDot Tue 12-Jun-18 18:46:00

We went to a party recently where the invite said 'presents not expected but if you'd like to get something, a book from the charity shop would be lovely.' I thought this was a great idea.

Absofrigginlootly Tue 12-Jun-18 18:47:14

Amy I presume you mean you would be appalled.... rather than expecting a round of applause? grin

Ok, mixed responses but generally it’s the “suggestions” that posters find most rude?

peeseandchickle Tue 12-Jun-18 18:54:13

I have often thought that as parents can we not all agree to stop the gifts at parties! You just end up with sooooo much stuff. Even if you are not into toy minimalisation it's way too much. But we all perpetuate it (myself included) and the kids come to expect it. If we could all agree that parties do not = gifts that would be amazing.

I think I would word it with "please no gifts" without the suggestions.

HighwayDragon1 Tue 12-Jun-18 18:56:00

I would assume that you wanted cash. No presents = money.

Angie169 Tue 12-Jun-18 18:57:11

How about wording it slightly differently , ie DC already has lots of toys so no gifts are required however if you would like to give DC a gift s/he is really in to ( pick one ) growing veg / flowers, books by ...... , this type of art that way you will hopefully get either no toys or eco friendly ones.

Yura Tue 12-Jun-18 18:58:44

We always do „no gifts please“ and it’s been fine (oldest is 5)

Lethaldrizzle Tue 12-Jun-18 18:59:26

Sorry but i would think it was a little bit wanky!

mumtomaxwell Tue 12-Jun-18 18:59:41

I would feel sorry for your child and buy them a toy!!
As others have said suggesting what is/is not acceptable is beyond rude.

oblada Tue 12-Jun-18 19:00:01

I would find the list rude. And to me it's all toys to be frank, art supply, stickers etc its all toys. I agree about the general idea of avoiding plastic tat but I can't think of an easy way to put it tbh.

Absofrigginlootly Tue 12-Jun-18 19:00:49

lethal genuinely why do you think caring about the environment and not wanting your child/house swamped in toys “wanky”

OrchidInTheSun Tue 12-Jun-18 19:02:07

I'd think you were a rude wanker

Absofrigginlootly Tue 12-Jun-18 19:03:35

Orchid please tell me what you really think grin

Yura Tue 12-Jun-18 19:06:52

If you ask „no gift“, people who insist on bringing gifts tend to stick do crafts stuff or books. We got very few plastic toys over the last years (for the ones pitying my children: they are genuinely not interested in stuff. We still have 2 wrapped gifts from my oldest birthday collecting stuff - he isn’t even interested in opening. Give him a ball or a day at the adventure playground and he is happy)

SometimesMaybe Tue 12-Jun-18 19:08:02

I would think it was quite rude. If you want to be specific, say no presents.
Most people I find buy “consumable” presents like colouring books, pens, stickers, books, activity books etc so you don’t end up with too much tat. And the joy I get from seeing my DCs joy in opening presents is fantastic too.

OrchidInTheSun Tue 12-Jun-18 19:11:14

You're welcome smile

Seriously I know a lot of parents like you. I was probably where you were at one point. But a) kids love plastic shit and b) the less accessible it is, the more they want it. So they go round to other kids' houses and covet their plastic shit because they don't have any at home. And then they cry when it's time to go home and it's horrible and embarrassing. And then people don't want your kids round any more because they try and take your kids' stuff.

So you may not like all the plastic crap but your kids do. And there's not much you can do about that.

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