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Very low do I know if it's grief.Overdoing it.Lack of support of viral?

(11 Posts)
whatisforteamum Tue 12-Jun-18 11:05:42

I am known for being bubbly and very talkative.I love my job too.A couple of weeks ago I felt very down.It's my first father's day since D f died and it not me like a ton of bricks.Anyway I have done 60 plus hours overtime last month due to holiday cover so the last weekend to book off as holiday.I felt worse home alone and husband said he will be without his dad too but it's been 22 years for him.No one ever.asks how I'm feeling and in the early days we were looking out for mum.I'm expected to just be over it .Mostly I am good.
Also I had some viral exhaustion type thing for over a week.
Today I feel very low again and tearful.
I had to stop driving due to panic attacks.
Is this just tiredness.Grief or do I need to see the Gp?.I have no one to turn to in thanks in advance

CheeseyToast Tue 12-Jun-18 11:12:10

I think you would be wise to check in with your GP.

I don't think it's possible to forensically dissect all events and feelings, but clearly you are feeling very low and, while it is understandable given your viral exhaustion and your grief, it doesn't change the fact that you need help.

The panic attacks alone are enough reason to see your GP.

In bereavement terms I think that one year on is extremely challenging. I'm sorry for how low you're feeling and I would really encourage you to get professional help.

If ADs are suggested, try to be open to the fact they may prove very helpful in getting through this patch. If you can access therapy, that could be very good too. With grief there is no short cut, you just have to confront it and gradually the storms are less intense and further apart.

Exercise too if you can squeeze it in. It's amazing what a mood booster it can be. I don't mean to be trite, I say this as someone who is also dealing with grief and unsure when the next storm is coming.

All the best OP. It's early days still for you with your father's loss, look after yourself.

WhatsGoingOnEh Tue 12-Jun-18 11:37:45

I've had to stop driving due to panic, too. It's really awful. I feel for you.

I saw my GP and they gave me betablockers, and suggested mindfulness apps (headspace, etc) and counselling.

Are there any medical reasons why you might feel particularly crap, despite the grief? Have you had a full blood test recently? Are you eating/sleeping ok?

I think mine was all brought on because of a combination of work stress, and super super heavy periods caused by fibroids, which meant my iron got really low; that can cause anxiety, apparently.

I think you should give yourself a huge hug, and book a GP appointment.

whatisforteamum Tue 12-Jun-18 11:48:19

Blood test for joint pains were very good recently.Meals are erratic due to shift work.Our go rarely sees anyone preferring phone consultations.My panic attacks mean my independence is limited.Even crossing the road is hard.So odd for someone who is seen as so onfident.
Perhaps I didn't grieve when Dad died.he was so dry I'll it was a relief tbh.sad

whatisforteamum Tue 12-Jun-18 12:02:53

What's going on. I had super heavy periods until I got my mirena coil.Did the beta blockers help?.the go said I could drive however I got overwhelmed and had to get myself home from places so stopped myself.very odd after 33/years driving.

WhatsGoingOnEh Tue 12-Jun-18 15:10:43

I hate crossing the road now too! I even hate walking on the pavement next to lots of traffic.

Beta blockers definitely help, they stop your heart being able to speed up enough to go into panic mode. But you don't notice it, you don't feel at all different, just calmer.

You can have them on you just in case; you don't need to take them every day.

Sortofcool Tue 12-Jun-18 17:59:46

It sounds like a mixture of all the things you’ve said. A year after a big loss is no time at all though and things like birthdays, Christmas, Father’s Day are all likely to hit you extra hard. I reckon for a fair amount of people it’s a minimum of 2 years till the loss of a parent starts to not be so acute. But everyone is different. It takes time till you can carry the loss around with you a bit easier. You can’t be expected to just be ‘over it’. That’s unfair and unrealistic.

I think feeling low for a few weeks can be put down to the usual downs of life but if you feel like that longer than a few weeks it could be depression/anxiety that you need some support to get through.

I’d say that depression/feeling panicky isn’t unexpected after losing a parent and is pretty normal but that’s not to say you need or should try to deal with it without help. It’s really really hard and you need to go as easy on yourself as you possibly can.

whatisforteamum Wed 13-Jun-18 07:46:24

Workroom I was diagnosed with anxiety and moderate depression over a year ago.My job has given me a reason to look forward to something.I normally leap out of bed.Perhaps my 4 days off were too many.It made me realize how unloving my DH is.I agree I will wait and see if this passes.I feel like the rawness of grief has bubbled up even though I felt ok when Dad died.He had a dreadful death.sad Thank you all for replying.Society and my colleagues that are mostly men expect me to be over it.

Timeforabiscuit Wed 13-Jun-18 07:57:51

My grief came in another wave at the just over a year mark, I kept up being busy, pushing through, making the effort, but in the end I needed the time and space to grieve.

I knew I was struggling, and told people who were sympathetic to an extent but nothing changed, I started feeling suicidal and one day I just could face anything and was completly tapped out.

The Gp was amazing, signed me off for six weeks which was the time I actually needed rather than 3 days i spent organising funeral etc. Id say it took another six months to start to recover with counselling, stress and anxiety courses, practising mindfulness and re prioritising what I thought I must do into what i could do.

What im saying is that as a culture, i dont think we deal with death well at all, the support is really only accessible through a medical route - which is pretty poor when it literally happens to everyone.

Do you have safe people to talk to? When I told DH how bad it was getting, he really couldnt have handled it better, he was incredibly calm - not everyone is like that, but please talk to someone face to face about how you're feeling.

All the best.

whatisforteamum Wed 13-Jun-18 08:16:31

Thank you and sorry you be been through this.No I don't have any to support.Th has lost both parents one while we were together.I was in my 20 s so didn't realize the effects so probably wasn't so forward over 20 years he eye rolled when I suggested going to Dad's resting place after work father's day.If not could drive I would.I think the go would sign me off but work is my social life too.I work 930/1030 pm and weekends so no time for friends.My Dad was my sounding board TBH.I thought I would be felt worse when he died but coped very well with new job too.Now life seems pointless with th begrudgingly taking me out last weekend.I feel tearful and hope I'm not having a breakdown as I had one thirty years ago.
Someone saying how are you would be nice.Like I say I work in a male dominated environment where getting on with it is what is expected.I'm exhausted.

whatisforteamum Wed 13-Jun-18 15:32:37

I will ask for beta blockers too.

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