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AIBU?

trigger warning end of life care

22 replies

LadyOdd · 10/06/2018 20:45

Posting for traffic, my step father in law is in the hospital they say he has a 40/60 chance of survival (more likely less) 😢 I want to get him some things as we are abroad and only have 20 quid spare (honestly can’t afford to fly over).

I was thinking some dry shampoo so he feels clean, he’s not eating are drinking much and they don’t allow flowers(he’s not a teddy man) what else should I send? He’s really lovely I want him to know we do care x

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HollowTalk · 10/06/2018 20:48

So sorry to hear that but please don't spend your limited money on things like that. Write him a lovely card. That will mean more to him than anything.

peoplearemean · 10/06/2018 20:49

Favourite sweets or something? You can use various websites for retro sweets or another one called "don't buy her flowers" (appreciating he is a man!)

user1493986150 · 10/06/2018 20:50

Agree with above poster a letter or card with your words in would mean more xx

LadyOdd · 10/06/2018 20:51

Maybe sweets he might eat them even though he doesn’t have an appetite.

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LadyOdd · 10/06/2018 20:53

I was trying to think of little things I would have wanted when I was in hospital with DD but besides not being there and dry shampoo I can’t think of a thing.

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currentcosleeper · 10/06/2018 20:55

Photos/photo book?

Doilooklikeatourist · 10/06/2018 20:55

In my limited experience of end of life care ( my dad , a couple of years ago )
FIL will be on a drip , and probably unlikely to be able to eat sweets
Will be bed bound , and won’t really know if he’s clean or not
Write him a letter , he may not be able to hear it being read to him , but he might
Sorry to be so pessimistic

Absofrigginlootly · 10/06/2018 20:56

Letters, cards, photos, paintings and drawings from the DC,

I wouldn’t bother with dry shampoo if he is end of life the nurses will be doing his personal care and they won’t use that.

Sorry to hear what’s happening

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow · 10/06/2018 20:56

If he's very close to end of life then it's unlikely he will eats anything, including sweets you have gone to some trouble to send. I second the idea of sending a card, or, if time is really short (and you can't always tell), then send an email to someone who can visit him and read it out to him: remember that hearing is the last sense to go.

ERipley · 10/06/2018 20:58

If he’s end of life he’s not going to be able to eat sweets.

I agree that a lovely card or letter would be a better idea.

Seryan · 10/06/2018 21:00

I agree with other posters re photos etc. I know it's out of your budget but when my mam was dying I got her a photo blanket for her birthday. It was amazingly comforting seeing her surrounded by family photos & we buried it with her.

BackforGood · 10/06/2018 21:01

I agree with others. A card is best. Dont send 'stuff'. Perhaps a recent family photo or photo of a lovely time of you together, with a message on the back.

LadyOdd · 10/06/2018 21:07

A pillow speaker so he can have music, does anyone know if these are noisy. I would hate to disturb anyone.

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LadyOdd · 10/06/2018 21:07

Photo blanket is a good idea I could ask other members of his family.

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fairislecable · 10/06/2018 21:12

Really nice facial wipes - it’s often hot in hospitals and they can be really refreshing.

Moisturising hand cream as when ill the hands can be dry and papery.

Ask the people who are visiting if he has any specific needs.

JimWilsonBell · 10/06/2018 21:32

I'm a nurse in an acute hospital. My advice would be a lovely photo of you all. A card and/or letter telling him some wonderful things that you remember about time you've spent with him. Something lovely smelling to wash with. EOL patients can lose their safe swallow so food/sweets sometimes tricky and unsafe. I don't know where you live but something from your town/city/country. A picture drawn by your kids (if you have some) or a paw print from your pet. ❤️

DiddimusStench · 10/06/2018 21:36

A letter with photos of you all and perhaps drawings from the kids.

LadyOdd · 10/06/2018 21:39

I think he washes using soap bars, maybe a nice one? Some wipes, card and dry shampoo?

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Pimms0clock · 10/06/2018 21:46

It’s lovely that you are thinking of him but in all honesty a card and / or letter with a drawing from your kids would be perfect.

Sorry to say but dry shampoo would pass him by at this point, as would soap. If things tip in his favour and he improves that’s when toiletries come into play.

LadyOdd · 13/06/2018 22:42

I want to say thank you to everyone who answered, he passed away yesterday at 6.25.

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MotsDHeureGoussesRames · 13/06/2018 23:13

So very sorry for your loss.

JimWilsonBell · 13/06/2018 23:24

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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