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To ask how you would feel if.......

(90 Posts)
Adamandeveit Sun 10-Jun-18 17:04:32

Your parents were fully aware that your Db/Dsis were growing and distributing cannabis but choose to say and do nothing about it? I only ask as I found out over a year ago now that my dsis and her partner are involved in a drugs operation and have been growing cannabis. I won’t comment how I found this out in case I out myself but needless to say if I didn’t trust what was said to be true I wouldn’t have even thought on it. I’ve sat on this for a long time now so not to cause upset within the family but I’m so done.

My dsis is nothing but a manipulative, greedy, ruthless money hungry cow yet I’ve gone completely against my morals and sense of what is right and said nothing. Well that was the case up until last month when I decided to tell our parents what had been going on. Now you can call me petty and childish is you like. I’ll be honest and tell you that yes, I told them because I wanted them to think bad of her. But mostly I told them because I couldn’t and shouldn’t have had to keep it quiet all this time. What they are doing is utterly disgusting. My dsis shows no loyalty to me yet I’ve kept such a big thing like this quiet for over a year and I have felt angry with myself.

She and her partner have been together for years. They have three children together and live together but claim to live apart. He, for all legal intents and purposes lives with his brother ie registered for council tax, car insurance etc, however they both live together and have never been apart. I’ve always known this to be the case but as my dsis will never change and has more front than Brighton I ignored it, as after all it doesn’t affect my life.

Her partner some time ago now inherited a large sum of money from his grandmother and my dsis had the nerve to sit in front of me and tell me to my face that there’s no way she will ever register as living with him officially as she will no longer be entitled to any benefits as he would have to declare the money. Now, claiming to live alone is one thing but claiming to live alone when you and you partner have a pretty decent nest egg and can afford to live comfortably without claiming anything, and then on top of that earning thousands from drug dealing is another thing entirely. Again though, it doesn’t affect my life so I kept out of it. But knowing now that she and her partner are growing and dealing drugs to people, possibly even young kids and teenagers the same age my children makes me feel sick to my stomach.

So I told my parents. As previously mentioned i told them partially (childish or not) because I wanted them to know just what she was really like but to my shock my parents didn’t even react. They didn’t ask for any details, appeared very shifty and since then every time tney’ve visited they have been cagey. To say I was upset with their reaction (not just because they didn’t go omg your sister is the devil) is an understatement because I really thought they would care. But I came to realise it’s not that they didn’t care. They reacted in the way that they did either because they already knew about what has been going on or they are somehow involved, whether that be directly or indirectly. I hate thinking this of my parents but my Dh (who’s your typical man and usually doesn’t notice much) has also said he thinks there is something else happening here. I know that what my Dsis is doing doesn’t affect me directly but I’m still furious. I don’t agree with drugs unless they’re used for medical reasons and think drug dealers to me are scum. I didn’t think my own family would be mixed up in this and I’m upset. I’ve started to distance myself from my Dsis as I can’t go on pretending anymore as I’m not a fake person and find it difficult to not show my reaction. The only thing my dad has had to say about it is that he doesn’t want me saying anything to my Dsis but why? We bother no now, the cat is out of the bag as it were. I’ve found myself now though not wanting to be around them either. They all make out that they’re perfect parents and grandparents but my Dsis has no morals, she thinks that if you shower your kids with money and expensive gifts you’re a great parent, and she looks down on other parents who don’t do this. My parents are also obsessed with money and feel they can splash the cash whenever tney want on my kids as opposed to spending any quality time with them. But the fact I know how much my parents earn (less than we do) and they’ve still got a large mortgage for the next 10 years all this going on makes me wonder how they are affording a 40k extension on their home plus other things. Don’t get me wrong I don’t usually care what people earn, I don’t care and I don’t ask. What a person earns doesn’t mean squat to me but i can’t help wondering if all the holidays my parents go on (usually every other month) and the fancy renovations on their home are being funded through these dodgy dealings. I felt so bad even thinking this but I really can’t think of another explanation for my parents unusual behaviour and their reaction to such a big thing like this. Thoughts?

Di11y Sun 10-Jun-18 17:18:03

Call the police and tell them what you know.

jamoncrumpets Sun 10-Jun-18 17:20:47

Maybe you're guilty of expecting too much from your parents? It sounds like you want them to side with you over your Dsis. No matter what you might think of her, they are entitled to have whatever relationship with her that they want. And you will never have any control or say over that.

Adamandeveit Sun 10-Jun-18 17:21:24

If I did that I think that would be the end of my relationship with my parents and my kids wouldn’t see their cousins again and as it’s not their fault I would feel terrible.

Neverender Sun 10-Jun-18 17:22:21

I think your parents know about this and probably have done for some time. I'd let them crack on personally. I wouldn't do anything. It's only a matter of time until it's legalised and this is only what I would do but I definitely wouldn't call the police on my own family.

Adamandeveit Sun 10-Jun-18 17:22:49

I don’t want to stop them having a relationship with her. I simply want them to be honest with me and I don’t feel that they are.

Neverender Sun 10-Jun-18 17:24:36

It sounds like you have a terrible relationship with your sister overall. I wouldn't fuck my own life up (or my relationship with my parents) just to ruin someone else's, no matter how little I cared about them or didn't like them.

jamoncrumpets Sun 10-Jun-18 17:25:33

Ask them outright?

Melliegrantfirstlady Sun 10-Jun-18 17:25:51

Realistically there’s nothing you can do. In your shoes I would not want to pull the trigger on my whole family.

Believe me they will get caught eventually. It’s just a matter of time

Adamandeveit Sun 10-Jun-18 17:26:45

So I have to ignore my feelings on the matter and pretend that I’m ok with this going on? I honestly don’t think I can. I’ve known for a year and it’s killed me. By that I don’t mean it’s killed me as I want to get one over on my sister by making out she’s this scummy dealer. Don’t get me wrong that’s essentially what she is, but I’m disgusted on the whole that tney would be involved in something like this especially when tney have children. Cannabis isn’t legal and as far as I was aware it is only going to be legalised for people with life limiting and chronic conditions. There is a real chance if they’re found out tney could go jail. I know it might be a slight possibility but I suppose it depends on how large the operation is. Tney have children and are willing to risk jail. What kind of parents do that?

Adamandeveit Sun 10-Jun-18 17:28:06

I don’t have a great relationship with her but that is because of the way she is and the way she has treated me in the last. We do see each other but that mostly is because we have kids and they all get on really well.

Adamandeveit Sun 10-Jun-18 17:30:04

All I want is for my parents to admit that they knew. They have no reason not to as they now know that I know. The only rational reason I can come up with as to why they won’t admit it is because they too are involved. My sister being involved is one thing but I expect nothing less of her but if I find out my parents are involved then that would be it end of relationship full stop.

jamoncrumpets Sun 10-Jun-18 17:30:21

Of course they shouldn't be growing weed in their home and selling it. Nobody is disputing that. And of course you don't have to agree with it.

But there's nothing you can do. Except detach yourself from them.

Thehop Sun 10-Jun-18 17:31:47

My parents allowed my brother to do this too. O can’t get my head round it.

They were scared of upsetting him i think.

I’d honestly report to the police. As a neighbour.

Adamandeveit Sun 10-Jun-18 17:32:19

I’m trying to detach myself but how can I when my kids want to spend time at my sister’s house to see their cousins and I have my parents visiting like every other day. What upsets me more is that my parents know me through and through. They’ll know deep down that I couldn’t condone this and that our relationship will suffer until they are at least honest with me. They know this but don’t say anything.

Adamandeveit Sun 10-Jun-18 17:34:02

Yes that’s what it’s like. I feel like there’s something happened that I don’t know about because it’s like my Dsis has something over my parents. I can’t quite put my finger on it but they know what she can be like, moody, childish, short tempered etc. She has done some horrible things in the past yet my parents stood by and said nothing like tney were afraid of her.

DragonMummy1418 Sun 10-Jun-18 17:35:45

Go no contact with your sister and low contact with your parents. Only way unless you want to report them, you can't change them.

Adamandeveit Sun 10-Jun-18 17:37:19

That’s the thing if I go no contact completely she will no that something is up. So do I tell her that I know about what it’s going on? At least then it’s out in the open. She’ll probably just deny it anyway and nothing will change but I’d feel better knowing that I’d been honest and no longer was being fake because I hate that.

Browniebaker Sun 10-Jun-18 17:38:20

I would go no contact with them all and report them to the police anonymously. They shouldn't be doing it and everyone knows it.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish Sun 10-Jun-18 17:39:13

I would call the police and tell them what I know, and wouldn't warn parents or sibling (if you warn them they would just move the stuff)...a visit from the police might shock your parents out of allowing this behaviour and might shock your sibling back in the straight and narrow...

Adamandeveit Sun 10-Jun-18 17:39:51

I’m not sure if I could report family. To be honest I’d rather the prospect of confronting her and giving her the opportunity to stop this than going to the police. But knowing her like I said it won’t change a thing. I just want to know if my parents are involved that’s my main concern.

gamerwidow Sun 10-Jun-18 17:41:01

You either accept what your parents and DSIS are doing or you walk away. There’s no point in getting annoyed because you hoped to get your DSIS in trouble and it’s backfired. You clearly don’t like your sister which is ok but you can’t force your parents to disown her at your say so. If you’re that appalled by the whole business you’re going to need to go no contact instead of driving yourself mad about how you’re going to get back at these people.

Boulshired Sun 10-Jun-18 17:43:35

I don’t understand if you let your children still visit because of the cousins then it’s exactly the same as your parents seeing their grandchildren. My brother has always been dishonest and often wrong side of the law and I no longer speak to him, my parents did have a relationship as they loved their grandchildren and also felt guilty that in some way they were responsible for how he turned out.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo Sun 10-Jun-18 17:43:38

my kids wouldn’t see their cousins again

Their cousins whose parents are drug dealers? hmm you realise these cousins will be dealing and probably taking drugs themselves in no time don’t you? Why the fuck would you want your kids having any sort of relationship with them?

Adamandeveit Sun 10-Jun-18 17:43:42

Yes but what if my parents are involved? I wouldn’t have thought that they were involved or would even condone this kind of behaviour but their reaction was odd. It wasn’t even shock or upset it was more disbelief that I knew. I someone told me that one of my children had been doing something similar then i would want to know all the details and I mean all the details. But they weren’t concerned about any of this. My mum visited last week and I sat her down and asked if she had known about this all along. She got all edgy saying she doesn’t tell lies and why would my Dsis tell her anyway. But like I said she’s their daughter and neither one kid Ben wanted to know why details. They know that I wouldn’t make up such things so why haven’t tney asked for more details?

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