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To think he should've come home?

(120 Posts)
sparklefluff Sat 09-Jun-18 18:43:50


As I am growing ever so more resentful, I wanted to get some opinions on whether IABU or not.

This week I was admitted to hospital and kept in for 3 days with Sepsis, caused by the fact my body decided to grow back tonsils and flooded my body with poison.

I have 2 young children, 10 and 3, and luckily my mum dropped everything to care for them whilst I was admitted, and then blue lighted to a specialist hospital.

I came out yesterday after my sepsis levels had dropped to an acceptable standard, and I was able to administer oral liquid medication. The infection that had closed my windpipe had shrunk and I was asked if I would prefer to be home to rest up (I live 35 miles away from the hospital I was transferred too) and have an immediate outpatients admission option as I was so far away from home and the kids.

My husband is in India. We are self employed but in a contract with a company and have been for a while, and he was over there delivering a project.
There wouldn't have been any logistical reason for him to not come home, he wouldn't have lost his contract, and there wouldn't have been any repercussions.

He didn't. He stayed another 3 days and has just landed.

I cannot eat anything. I cannot keep food down. I am able to drink clear fluids only and have to maintain a specialist diet when I can eat because of the damage to my spleen, pancreas and kidney.

Even water is going straight through me, but I am powering through. Luckily my 10 yr old is a diamond and let me sleep for 4 hours on the sofa and he looked after his little brother.

So, should I be fucking seething that he didn't come home?

I'm not going to leave him, he has never made me feel like this before, but I wonder if it's me who's being unreasonable.

LEMtheoriginal Sat 09-Jun-18 18:48:19

How aware was he of quite how close to dying you were? Because he should have been on the first available flight. I cannot fathom how he didn't come home.


CoughLaughFart Sat 09-Jun-18 18:50:37

A last minute flight from India must cost a fortune. Were you prepared to lose it?

bastardkitty Sat 09-Jun-18 18:51:28

You had sepsis and he didn't come home? Why isn't leaving him an option, just out of interest?

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname Sat 09-Jun-18 18:52:22

Send him straight back to India.

mimibunz Sat 09-Jun-18 18:54:11

I can’t help but think he didn’t realise how ill you were. I hope you get better soon!

sparklefluff Sat 09-Jun-18 18:54:17

He changed his flight to today, wasn't actually due back until next Wednesday, and it was only £150, which the business can swallow so it wasn't a cost exercise.

He was well aware. He knew exactly how sick I was when the doctors phoned him in India to explain.

Because he's never pulled shit like this before, and other than this (huge I know) issue, he is the perfect husband.

Confusedandmystified Sat 09-Jun-18 18:55:39

I hope you are on the mend. I would be furious but as he couldn’t see you in person perhaps he didn’t understand the enormity of the situation.

sparklefluff Sat 09-Jun-18 18:55:45

All of my friends and my mum are furious, I think his parents are too.
They keep telling me they are keeping their mouths closed because I'm too sick to listen to it at the moment, and it's unfair to add the stress on.

anotherangel2 Sat 09-Jun-18 18:56:01

I don’t think you are unreasonable.

Did your DH reqlise how ill you are?

Blanca87 Sat 09-Jun-18 18:56:30

I agree with pp, my friend nearly died a few months ago because of sepsis. She is still in hospital with life changing, post- sepsis injuries. He either had no idea how dangerous sepsis is or he just doesn't care...

WhoIsShe18 Sat 09-Jun-18 18:57:40

Sorry you’ve been through it OP. I hope you’re feeling better today.

Would there have been any repercussions if he’d come back as soon as possible?

Have you asked him why it took him 3 days to return?

DameFanny Sat 09-Jun-18 18:59:14

Yanbu, but please explain 'grew back tonsils' because that's freaking me out somewhat

hadenough Sat 09-Jun-18 18:59:33

Always in these threads out come the 'leave him' brigade.

OP - the situation sounds awful, and I really hope you make a full recovery and start feeling 'normal' as soon as possible. It must have been a dreadful experience.

As for DH, he should have been on the first flight home and so I understand why you feel so upset. I'd communicate this to him, make clear how upset you are about it, and ensure he knows it wasn't an acceptable way to behave. As long as he gets it, and pulls his weight now he's back, I'd focus on recovery.

sparklefluff Sat 09-Jun-18 18:59:33

They called him from my phone because I collapsed in the waiting room and had no one with me and I didn't bring my purse or have ID, I drove myself stupidly to hospital.

They took me through to resuss and stabilised me and needed to transfer me to an HDU at another hospital specifically for ENT.

He was well aware how sick I was, and still am.

sparklefluff Sat 09-Jun-18 19:01:33

I had them out at 5.

When they remove them, they take the tonsil, but the actual lymph's that make them work remain.

Mine decided to grow back. Apparently it's not all that rare...don't I feel the lucky one.

LEMtheoriginal Sat 09-Jun-18 19:02:54

Op do you think he stuck his head in the sand? I would however save this conversation for when you have regained your strength. Must have been so scary for you

marjorie25 Sat 09-Jun-18 19:03:23

I think you need to calm and wait until you are a lot better, sit him down and tell him exactly what he did and how disappointed you were that he did not rush home to be there for you.
The last thing you need is to be upset and be rushed back to hospital. Yes, you are upset and rightly so, but enduring a set back is not going to help you, the children and your husband.
Get the rest you need and let him take charge of the household until you are better.

sparklefluff Sat 09-Jun-18 19:04:20

I think that's why I am posting tbh. I don't have the energy to do anything at the moment, and talking is a no go until my voice box heals, so I'm just sat here quietly seething more and more wondering whether it's all in my head.

AJPTaylor Sat 09-Jun-18 19:07:15

firstly focus on getting better. stop this "powering through" were let out of hospital on strict conditions. no doubt your 10 year old is a star but leaning on them is a bit much for more than a few hours.
tell your dh exactly what he needs to do now. no escape. precisly what he needs to do and how long it will.
when you are properly better put some energy into his reaction to your illness. he may be able to explain. he may not.

DameFanny Sat 09-Jun-18 19:08:00

Wow re tonsils, I had no idea shock

I guess re his strange behaviour, maybe he was too terrified to move? It would have been a shocking phone call to receive - but that's still no excuse.

I hope he can redeem himself a little once he's back, and I hope you recover quickly flowers

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Sat 09-Jun-18 19:17:06

He should have come home. Only he can tell you why he didn't and I'm sure there will be a very serious conversation about it once you are better. But you are being totally reasonable in feeling let down and disappointed that he didn't come when you needed him most.

Birdsgottafly Sat 09-Jun-18 19:19:54

Aside from the support he should have been giving you, he should have come home for his Children.

Does he usually have the idea that another Female relative should drop everything to be a stand in Parent?

If you had died, he needed to be there.

I'd be questioning, as you are, what exactly is keeping him there.

diddl Sat 09-Jun-18 19:20:35

So it's the best part of a week since he had a call on your phone saying that you had collapsed?

Was he not even thinking of being with the kids??

Or did that not occur to his as their GM stepped in??

Racecardriver Sat 09-Jun-18 19:21:04

Have you spoken to him yet. That is massively shitty a thing to do but if it is out of character I would assume that he had some kind of stuff going on that he hasn't yd you about or just reacted badly. Are you sure thought that it is out of character?

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