DD being bullied(31 Posts)
NC for this, as it can be outing
although I almost wish the child's mum is on here to see what type of child her DD is.
Background: DD1 (9) has mild autism and struggles with socialising and making friends. We moved to another town and school because the class bully was making her life hell and the school refused to do anything about it as the DM was a teacher at the school.
First year here and the class bully starts on her. At first the school is wonderful and nips it in the bud quickly (great teacher). Ever since they started Y5 the bullying has escalated to the extent DD1 comes home in tears a number of times a week. Bully and her gang follows DD1 around, call her names, pull at her clothes, push her around and have physically hurt her on more than one occasion. Bully then runs to teacher and says DD1 hurt her! They've also pointed at DD1s privates while they were getting changed for swimming and made rude noises and laughed. It's gotten to the point that DD1 doesn't report the bullying for fear of retaliation by bully. She also comes home and bullies me and DD2, I guess in order to gain some control for herself. She hits and punches us, which she's never done before.
Bully has a youtube channel. She's 10 and you have to be 13 to have an account. She posts personal stuff and make-up videos. On almost every video there is someone pretending to be DD1 commenting. Stuff like: Hi Bully it's DD1 I like to annoy you I hate you but you can be mean to me at school.
I spoke to the class teacher (for the billionth time), he spoke to her and she denied having a channel, but most of the comments vanished overnight. So now there's a new video with the comment above on it.
I've now e-mailed the school with the youtube link and the comments, and asked them to take it seriously. I've copied in the Family Support Practitioner (CAF in place). She was horrified that a child that age can post such personal things on youtube, and thinks I should see what the school does, but also report it to the police, re the bullying and impersonation.
I don't want to cause or stir or make things more difficult for DD1, but how much is a bully supposed to get away with? Should I go to the police? The FSP thinks this is extremely serious.
I’d go to the police, the school aren’t dealing with it at all. I have to warn you the police probably won’t do much either, although the online aspect of it might make a difference. But it will put a marker down that this is not going to be allowed to continue.
I suspect the school is out of its depth as this is often a secondary school issue.
Teacher here. We would definitely go to the police.
Police. The school I work in would take this very seriously.
Take screen shots of everything first, save the link address, and then go to the police. They can contact Youtube and see whats been deleted.
I think the police will take this seriously.
It sounds miserable for her, is it possible for you to be able take her out of school? Or move again? I know you shouldnt have to and its drastic but It must be so awful for her having to go through this everyday.
I'm not at all suggesting it is but can you be 100% sure that its not your dd commenting? Only there was a situation in DD1's class where the girl who had be bullied terribly for years which was ignored by the school made an anon instagram account to write mean messages back and she ended up getting in more trouble. For your dd I would want to rule that out before you took it any further
Tell the school "either you deal with this and tell the parents, or I'm going to police"
What kind of personal things does she post?
Online impersonation is quite serious. I'd tell the school and say, quite frankly, that either they do something or you'll get the police involved. At age 10 (and she seems to be quite a mature 10 yo) I think she can be held liable.
Even if there isn't any punishment per sé, I think a policeman/woman paying this nasty girl a visit might nip the behaviour in the bud.
The comments on the channel need reporting but you need to know who’s posting them. If the girl in the video isn’t saying the things or writing them in the case of you tube it’s not her you need to go after. A lot of children use their parents accounts to upload gaming/Lego/skateboard etc videos.
During school when it is this girl your daughter needs to tell them everytime and you need to keep pushing/following it and mention the police if they don’t take the in school situation seriously.
@upsideup - it's definitely not DD1 posting - she only has online access through her Amazon Fire Kids tablet, with a parental lock that means she can't comment on youtube.
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
screenshot the comments before they are deleted!
I have done a screenshot of the messages.
I have a CAF meeting next week with the Senco and the FSP where this will be discussed. I've had no reply from the school to the e-mail I sent early this morning. Would you wait 'till after the meeting to report to the police, or do it asap?
Screenshot all comments now, go to the police and change school.
i think time is of the essence, go to police now. it will give the school a kick up the backside and show your daughter you have her back
I’d say go now as there’ll probably be activity on the page this weekend?
Update: I still hadn't heard anything from the school yesterday, so when I picked the DDs up from school I asked the receptionist if they'd received my e-mail . She was very 'surprised' that the safeguarding lead hadn't replied to me. I told her I'd been advised to report the matter to the police and left.
Guess what? This morning a text was sent to all parents about reports of targeting and insulting others online, and how it was parents' responsibility to ensure their DC practice online safety. The safeguarding lead also phone me, sounding very curt (she's normally a lovely lady), and informed me that she was speaking to the bully's parents about the matter, and she'd also reported the youtube channel. She said I can go to the police, but she'd only tell them all the steps she has been taking.
So now I'm not sure whether to go to the police or not. The mention of me doing it certainly made the school sit up and take notice though .
Gosh, surprised you haven't had any more responses to your update OP.
Sounds very much to me like the safeguarding lead was trying to call your bluff about going to the police, as it doesn't appear that she had taken ANY steps up until you informed them that you'd been advised to do so.
If she had, you would have had a reply to your e-mail, that text would have been sent out without your prompt and she would have been keeping you updated on the process she was following. Sounds like she was curt with you because she was annoyed at being found out to have done nothing.
Did you go to the police? Hope you got/are getting a satisfactory resolution from school.
I would still report to the police, even just to start the official record of it.
But my big question to the school would be what are they doing to protect and support your daughter? I assume the girl concerned is going to be furious - hard to know how her parents will treat it "kids being kids" or take it seriously, let's hope the later - but either way the bully will probably act out.
I'd expect the school to be helping to set up some safe space for your DD at breaks, do more work with the kids concerned and all classes about respect and bullying not just online safety.
I'd still demand a meeting to take it further. Yes, the bully is 10 so old enough to know better but she's also 10 so not necessarily going to be making the 'best choices' and your priorities have to be getting support for your DD.
I would also contact the police - at the very least they may be able to give you some advice to help your DD.
You might like to remind the school that the age of criminal responsibility in the UK is 10. Perhaps they'd like to consider inviting the PCSO in to run an assembly on this topic.
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