DH and I had a bit of a drama yesterday but thankfully that's all sorted. I've just received the invitation to one of the fancy company brunches they hold through the post. It's plus one but there's not much point in the plus ones being there.
As a general rule DH and I sit with his friendship circle inside work. I can see why he's friends with them; similar interests, lifestyles, upbringings, etc. especially as he spends lots of time with them at his job. But the truth is they're, as a general rule, awful. Condescending, narrow-minded, elitist ... not to mention they can be downright rude. DH will of course defend me if necessary but he can't do anything about the fact that I just genuinely think they're for the most part horrible people.
Generally DH will discuss work with his team so the spouses tend to socialise with each other. (One guy that DH works with in particular finds it hilarious if anyone not in the company tries to contribute or even follow the conversation. He takes some weird pleasure in asking their opinions if they seem to be listening and then laughing. It's weird if you ask me but we tend to not get involved in their discussion for that reason or even listen to it.)
As a general rule I don't get on with the spouses of the rest of his friends at all. The two husbands stick to each other very closely and generally don't talk to the wives. Most of the women are very different to me and often unkind. DH and I have a slightly different dynamic in our marriage as well which they love to pick at. They are mostly SAHM or SAHW like me but a couple have had modelling careers in the past I think. They don't really see the point in me having a job (I work from home) and are frequently rude about my career. The one woman I get on with has a real dislike for them and they dislike her back, which means I've become very isolated from the group and often on the receiving end of snipes/jabs. However her wife is on maternity leave and as such she won't be there.
DH knows I don't like his friends but doesn't really know the full situation when it comes to those I'm expected to hang out with. I'm not very involved with his job as it's quite difficult to really understand on the most part (or maybe I'm just thick when it comes to this stuff 
) so he really enjoys seeing me in the context of his work setting. I tend to suck it up when events like this roll around because it is so important to him and to me that I'm supportive. However, with my usual friend not there I think it will be much more obvious that I don't get on with the others. I could do my best to remain involved but if they start making comments or just don't talk to me at all how am I supposed to?
AIBU to consider just telling DH I don't want to go and avoiding the whole event? I feel it will be awkward at best and DH will feel like he has to intervene if it gets bad, which could potentially disrupt his friendships and spoil his evening. On the other hand, I feel like I should at least make an effort, and I know he's going to be super excited about me going. Not to mention I'd feel bad causing another issue so close to our previous disagreement.
WWYD?
AIBU?
AIBU to think about just not going to DH's work party?
rosesandflowers · 07/06/2018 16:00
Your husband can simply say you had another commitment.
They'd absolutely love that
When they found out I was working it was one of these brunches but I think it was the Winter one. The guy he works with (the one who's an arse) said, "oh, so she wears the trousers, does she?"
They're all of the opinion that you can't support your spouse properly if you also have a job once you get into "their level of business" 
If I ditched the dinner for a "commitment" they'd be like sharks in bloodied water!
You aren't letting him down. He doesn't need you there and your saving him intervening on your behalf.
It's more the fact that he loves it when I go so much. When he gets home I daresay he'll be talking about going out to get new clothes, arranging a sitter for the DC etc.
Why can’t you just be honest with your H that you haven’t previously enjoyed the spouses’ company and don’t wish to attend?
“Control issues”
It doesn’t matter what the people you dislike think.
Are you in the US?
No, the UK - why? People generally comment that I'm ridiculously British
Why do these people know anything about your relationship?
They don't know much at all. I think I mentioned something about my job and they had plenty of questions.
As a general rule they assumed that me working = me controlling DH so the women began asking who did more chores, who cooked etc. It was ridiculous.
DH intervened after one woman asked what exactly I did, I responded and she rolled her eyes and said "so you basically look after the kids then" 
(My job isn't a conventional office job.)
After that they've been convinced that our relationship dynamic is skewed and that I "control" him. I understand it's not the norm in the vast majority of their relationships but their rudeness/ignorance was outstanding! I think some women were genuinely interested if a little invasive. One woman in particular was just unkind.
“Control issues”
That's what our argument last night was about because he began behaving in a completely irrational way. He just finds it very difficult to cope when things don't go perfectly, which is why I don't really want to overload him with this when we've just decided to confront the problems.
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