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Over school incident? DS's(8) ear pierced by older girl

(299 Posts)
upsideup Mon 04-Jun-18 15:26:25

I've had to go and pick up DS (8, Y4) from school early today as he had his ear pierced at lunch by a year 6 girl.
The story that I've been told is that he said he wanted it done, she said she knows how to do and had done her friends before and so he ended up lying on the bench surrounded by her friends while she pierced it, DS says he was crying and screamed when she did it but the school reckons nobody heard this. He ended up getting blood on the school table, on his homework and a lot all down his shirt after lunch so had to tell the teacher.

It very much seemed that the school had decided that as DS was certain that he told her she could do it that she hadn't actually done anything wrong and DS is the one who misbehaved and is in big trouble. He has to redo his half term homework and has to stay in at lunch by himself for the rest of the week.
DS told me who did is but I think otherwise they were going to refuse to do so, I've met this girl as shes is in DD1's class so obviously I am going to ask dd if she knows anything about this when she gets home but as there have been party's and play dates with the girl before I know the power balance is definitely on her side. There was no mention of them dealing with the girl or her parents being informed just them making it very clear that DS said she could do it.

I am annoyed with DS, I don't know why he told her she could do it and he was really really stupid to let her but I know I would be a lot more annoyed if he (or dd1) had pierced someone elses ear at school especially a child 3 years younger than them.
That seems a lot more serious and inappropriate to me as at least with DS's actions he was the only one who go hurt. At 11 she is definitely old enough to know that this is not okay and if she doesn't then I think she needs to be taught so now.
I would want to know if my child had done this

So AIBU to want to question the punishment that the girl is getting or at least ask for confirmation that her parents are being informed?
And also maybe even question the playground supervision? I know this isn't the schools fault but it seems a bit odd that nobody noticed and of this.

frasier Mon 04-Jun-18 18:03:04

MsChanandlerBoing

The OP’s son doesn’t know what the girl stuck in him. He thought it might have been a safety pin or her earring. The school haven’t told the OP. That’s why she has gone to get medical advice.

GrannyGrissle Mon 04-Jun-18 18:04:32

School sounds shite OP and in the absence of action/answers from school i would be involving Police/School Govenors/MP the full compliment and i say that as a very piercing friendly Body Piercer/Tattooist. If anyone comitted ABH on DD the shit would be hitting the fan.
I applaud your DS's honesty and it sounds like he changed his mind (crying) prior to piercing and was persuaded (bullied) into going ahead with the piercing.
Seeking medical attention is the right thing to do OP as someone upthread said anti HIV drugs can be taken retrospectively within a small time frame (probably ott so don't panic!) but medical professionals will reassure you and 'log' (that ole Mumsnet chestnut) the incident for when you kick up an utter stink tomorrow.
Do update us OP.

Cutyourshakehole Mon 04-Jun-18 18:08:15

I would be furious and that would have really hurt

phlewf Mon 04-Jun-18 18:10:57

My friends sister went to a and e with a similar injury (different circumstance) and they took her perfectly seriously. While the wound was tiny and insignificant medical staff dealt with the potentially very serious infection risk. She wasn’t rushed through ahead of people with a leg hanging off by a 20 strong team but she was seen.
In this case the girl may have used the same needle on someone else, she may found the safety pin somewhere, she may have some kind of infection herself (how would anyone know). When I repeirced my own ear I managed to stab my finger in the process. These are all long long shots but why would you risk it.

legofansmum Mon 04-Jun-18 18:13:26

I work in a primary school myself and often stick up for school's as it's incredibly hard work. This has really angered me . I would be inclined to report to the governors , local authority and make Ofsted aware.
They have a duty of care and clearly failed. They should've notified you immediately and your son should've been with a first aider in the mean time. The girl should have been in serious trouble - 11 is old enough to know better and I believe the year 6s who just watched and didn't get an adult need a telling off.
I would look into a tetanus jab for your son.
Take care and your son, what an ordeal.

LoudestRoar Mon 04-Jun-18 18:17:15

If ever there was to be a lesson about consent, this is it. Yes, he agreed at first, but the second he started screaming, she should have stopped.

Slarti Mon 04-Jun-18 18:23:45

Some of the victim blaming comments here are horrible. He's 8, even if he agreed to let her do it or even had the idea himself, he cannot consent to that. Even if he could, the point at which he starts screaming in pain is the point at which that consent is de facto withdrawn, surely?

Would those blaming the boy feel the same if an 8 year old child had "agreed" to sexual behaviour with an 11 year old?

ChasedByBees Mon 04-Jun-18 18:35:37

The school have dealt with this terribly OP. I hope things are going well for you at the moment. Absolutely take this further as a complaint.

frasier Mon 04-Jun-18 18:38:04

Did your daughter have any more information to add OP?

Leoparda Mon 04-Jun-18 18:46:26

it doesn't matter if he consented, he's 8, he can't legally consent, his parent has to do it for him.

If this girl were a piercer, she'd get in serious shit for doing this without parental consent, and they're trained to do it.

eddiemairswife Mon 04-Jun-18 18:49:16

People who say that someone should have heard the screaming have clearly never been in a school playground at playtime.

Supermagicsmile Mon 04-Jun-18 18:55:11

I think the school are trying to cover themselves as it could be a serious incident, especially if you inform the police or Ofsted. Hope your ds is okay!

rosesandflowers Mon 04-Jun-18 18:57:21

I think the age gap is significant here. There's quite a bit of maturity between eight and eleven.

The girl most definitely should have known better. The school should inarguably have known better.

(I do wonder what would happen if a Mumsnet poster said that her daughter was screaming and crying as a boy three years her senior forced a safety pin through her ear and then, covered in blood, she had to redo her homework.)

AnotherDayAnotherName745 Mon 04-Jun-18 19:10:00

I would also make my child apologize to the girl for involving her in his misbehaviour. She didn't attack him, she didn't assault him, she misguidedly followed another child's request.

So at 8, the OPs son is fully responsible for his actions, and KNOWS it would be wrong to have someone at school pierce his ears.
But at 11, the girl is NOT old enough to know that she shouldn't stick needles in people (at all), and that if someone is screaming and bleeding, you should stop hurting them.
How can that be?

qwertyuiopy Mon 04-Jun-18 19:16:04

The age gap is significant and the fact the girl had done it before is significant. Together it means the girl knew it was going to hurt but did it anyway to a smaller child.

The 11 year old needs help. Her sense of right and wrong is skewed.

Tomorrowillbeachicken Mon 04-Jun-18 19:16:56

Tbh to also safeguard other children this needs to be reported higher up.

EyeEyeCaptainCaptain Mon 04-Jun-18 19:29:12

As a teaching assistant my main concern here would be the lack of supervision. I'm sure both of the children involved realise how stupid they've been, but that's why kids should be supervised! I have no idea how this has managed to happen during the school day, I would be absolutely furious with school!

The playground at my school is huge and has 4 large areas that need to be watched and there is no way someone would manage to pierce someone's ear without a member of staff noticing and intervening. I'd also be really concerned that no members of staff noticed until your DS mentioned it.

I think the school are blaming your DS because they know they are at serious fault here. Rather than demanding they punish the girl I would be demanding to know how they are going to ensure better supervision of the pupils in future.

I hope your DS is ok.

upsideup Mon 04-Jun-18 21:09:04

Home and reading replies now, I dont want to make a huge deal out of this but agree I need to take it further.
DS is going to be fine, felt awfully stupid sat waiting when he obviously seemed absolutely fine but we were there for ages and they were thorough so it was best we got him checked over so thank you for that as I wouldn't have got round to bothering otherwise.
It doesn't actually seem that anything went all the way through his ear either as there's just two little punctures that kind of turned it to one deepish scratch at the front.

JamPasty Mon 04-Jun-18 21:34:28

Really glad to hear he is ok! Time for bed for him, and wine for you!

kaytee87 Mon 04-Jun-18 21:36:37

How can that be

Because he's a boy obviously wink

kaytee87 Mon 04-Jun-18 21:42:35

The fact they were thorough shows that you weren't being silly op. Obviously we all know any nasty infections are only a tiny tiny risk but it was worth taking him I think.

Now relax thanks and make sure your boy isn't unfairly punished for this. I think he's learnt any lesson he needed to after being in pain and spending his evening in hospital.

Petalflowers Mon 04-Jun-18 21:54:47

Leoparda - that’s a good point!

Upside - hope you and your boy are both okay

Dolphinswimmingupsidedown Mon 04-Jun-18 21:55:01

Governors, Ofsted, local authority and police. He’s been assaulted.

upsideup Mon 04-Jun-18 22:30:15

I don't think anyone apart from DS was taking her claims of doing it many times before seriously, dd doubts that's true and her not very successful attempt of piercing DS's ear probably confirms that.
DD wasn't on the playground at lunch so didn't see anything but in class was told by that her brother was crying at lunch but not what happened, I'm guessing she was maybe told by one of the girls who were stood around watching and also dd said that the girl was called out for about 10 minutes after lunch which was before I was called so they had already spoken to her.

Boredandtired Mon 04-Jun-18 23:06:49

I have a child in yr 4 and I trust the school to take care of her. If someone asked her if she wanted her nose pierced she'd probably agree, but at 8 those decisions are for a parent (and then a piercer to make) a properly trained piercer (not Claire's-just ears etc) won't pierce under a certain age. For the school to take that attitude and punish your child is appalling. I'd not be sending him in tomorrow, and getting to the bottom of it. A bleeding scratch is a wound and it was inflicted by a much older pupil. There's a big difference between 8 and 11. In reception my autistic child stabbed the hand of another pupil with a penicil and that was taken very seriously despite there being no real damage, so I'd be very concerned about their attitude to this. And where the heck were the lunch staff? Obviously they can't monitor every child all the time but to not notice a gathering and a child lying down?
Sorry you've had such a stesssful day.

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