Over school incident? DS's(8) ear pierced by older girl

[upsideup]

I've had to go and pick up DS (8, Y4) from school early today as he had his ear pierced at lunch by a year 6 girl.
The story that I've been told is that he said he wanted it done, she said she knows how to do and had done her friends before and so he ended up lying on the bench surrounded by her friends while she pierced it, DS says he was crying and screamed when she did it but the school reckons nobody heard this. He ended up getting blood on the school table, on his homework and a lot all down his shirt after lunch so had to tell the teacher.

It very much seemed that the school had decided that as DS was certain that he told her she could do it that she hadn't actually done anything wrong and DS is the one who misbehaved and is in big trouble. He has to redo his half term homework and has to stay in at lunch by himself for the rest of the week.
DS told me who did is but I think otherwise they were going to refuse to do so, I've met this girl as shes is in DD1's class so obviously I am going to ask dd if she knows anything about this when she gets home but as there have been party's and play dates with the girl before I know the power balance is definitely on her side. There was no mention of them dealing with the girl or her parents being informed just them making it very clear that DS said she could do it.

I am annoyed with DS, I don't know why he told her she could do it and he was really really stupid to let her but I know I would be a lot more annoyed if he (or dd1) had pierced someone elses ear at school especially a child 3 years younger than them.
That seems a lot more serious and inappropriate to me as at least with DS's actions he was the only one who go hurt. At 11 she is definitely old enough to know that this is not okay and if she doesn't then I think she needs to be taught so now.
I would want to know if my child had done this

So AIBU to want to question the punishment that the girl is getting or at least ask for confirmation that her parents are being informed?
And also maybe even question the playground supervision? I know this isn't the schools fault but it seems a bit odd that nobody noticed and of this.

[CurbsideProphet]

Wow I don't think YABU to want reassurance that the incident is being dealt with properly. Was she just using a random safety pin / needle that she found at home? I would probably be getting his ear looked at to be safe. The school sound like they have v odd priorities.

[HappyLollipop]

I'd push the school to do something about the girl, I'm assuming she had a needle to do it with so there's a massive safety risk there too and wheres the playtime supervision it's not right no one heard or saw a child screaming and covered in blood! There's just so much wrong with this I would have created hell at the principles office, your DS should have never agreed but the girl who done it was 3 years older and knew what she doing, her parents should be informed and she ought to be punished too if not more than your DS.

[taratill]

Wow, you are not being unreasonable to expect the school to take this seriously.

WTF is the girl doing with implements to enable her to pierce another child's ear at school?

[ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo]

Fucking hell!! A child had their body cut in school by another child and the school are blaming the injured party!!

I would want to know what it was pierced with, how the child got it, and how no staff were supervising at lunchtime. Also what they school are doing to prevent the same thing happening again.

[Goldmandra]

First of all, what's happening about the infection risk? What did she use? Has it been used on anyone else? You need to contact your GP for advice right now.

Then I would ask the school what they will be doing to ensure the safety of your son in the future. If this child had a sharp instrument on her, what measures have been taken to ensure they cannot be brought into school again?

I would also ask for a copy of the incident report and then make a formal complaint. The school will then have to inform Ofsted who will then, hopefully, check that they have taken appropriate measures to prevent a recurrence.

[Spam88]

My god, I'd be furious! How can they think the girl has done nothing wrong? Just because another child says it's okay to do something that doesn't mean it is surely she should know that it was still wrong anyway, and if she didn't then she needs to be told. Certainly question the supervision as well, if there was a group gathering then they should have checked what was going on.

[rosesandflowers]

I daresay the school might be punishing the girl, but I'm not sure if they would or even are allowed to tell you. I imagine they'd at least mention it to the parents.

I agree that the older girls actions are more serious and would be furious on my DS' behalf. Be careful that it doesn't get infected.

Your DS was silly perhaps, but he's 8. I think redoing homework (what value is there in that?!) and staying inside is overboard.

I daresay that the school is shocked by this incident and are keen to ensure it won't happen again.

[ferrier]

Absolutely the girl's offence is much the more serious and I'd be making sure the school took appropriate disciplinary action as well as reviewing its playground procedures to make sure this can't happen again.

[rosesandflowers]

• and as such are punishing your DS intensely. I just hope it's the same with the girl.

[LupinsNotBluebells]

I don't think you can be told what the consequences will be for the girl but you can be quite clear that your DS isn't old enough to have consented to this so it is assault. At 11 you could theoretically involve the police, and it may be worth pointing this out to the school. They were in loco parentis and your child was assaulted.

My son is the same age and like hell would I be accepting a version of events that made my son the misbehaving child in this. They get him out of lunchtime detention now and start explaining how this girl will be kept away from him.

[CoffeeIsNotEnough]

WTF? The school are blaming your son? That sounds bizarre.

[Homemenu1]

Go to the school, speak to them. Bit their attitude is completely off, If I didn’t feel the school were dealing with it in the right way I’d contact the governors and ofsted,

[FermatsTheorem]

If the girl is 11 she is AFAIK above the age of criminal responsibility (rightly or wrongly - I personally think that our law is way too early to ascribe criminal responsibility to children) - so you could, if you chose, go to the police and make a complaint of assault and actual bodily harm (again, your DS's "consent" is irrelevant - regardless of his age, one cannot, in English law, consent to actual bodily harm, see the Spanner case).

It might be worth pointing out to the head teacher that this option is open to you (even if you don't intend to carry through on it) to force the school to take their safeguarding responsibilities more seriously.

[AlonsoTigerHeart]

Contact them now via email/letter copy in the governers

Your son is in year 4 and someone peirced his ear, where were the staff?

[Mosaic123]

This is terrible. She should be the one that was told off.

Your DS was being daft to ask, but she should not have gone ahead with it.

[Katinkka]

Holy fuck I’d be livid.

[ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo]

Write down everything the school have said to you about it so far. Word for word as far as you can remember. Even the initial phone call to ask you to collect him. Write down what you said too.

[upsideup]

The school cleaned it up and we took him to the chemist across the road to get something to keep cleaning it with, if it looks suspicious in a few days I will take him to the GP.
I know the school cant tell me details, I dont think they were even allowed to tell me her name but I think at least telling me she is being dealt with or her parents are being called is enough.
DS could have lied (I think a lot of 8 year old would have done when they realised how stupid they have been and how much trouble they are in) but he was honest, he was making it clear that he definately said she could do it, nobody forced him and he was the one he said it first but regardless he is 8 and I dont think that means he needs to take all the blame.

[qwertyuiopy]

My child would be out of that school if the child who hurt him was still allowed to be amongst other children.

Are you in a particularly bad area? Is there another school available?

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

where were the staff?

This was my first thought on reading your post. They had time to discuss it, he was then able to lie down, have his ear pierced whilst surround by a crowd and in all this time no adults noticed. Instead he had to go and find someone after dinner had finished! Where were all the grown ups???

[JamPasty]

Er, massive infection risk, and I don't mean tame stuff - I mean risk of things like hepatitis and HIV, depending on what she used and if it has been used on someone else. Medical advice, NOW.

[AlonsoTigerHeart]

Doesnt matter that he said yes. Somone peirced his ear in school whith ho know what and without staff knowing.

[qwertyuiopy]

He may need a tetanus jab or something. I’d take him to a doctor now.

[MyOtherUsernameisaPun]

Sounds like both kids should be in trouble and that there should have been much better supervision by the school! YANBU to want reassurance that going forward they'll be doing better.

Make sure you're keeping the ear very clean so it doesn't get infected.

[elliejjtiny]

Well your ds was a bit silly, as boys that age tend to be. However the way the school have handled this is very wrong. The children need to be more closely supervised if they are doing things like that unsupervised. I would hope that the girl is being suitably punished and the parents contacted. At my boys school it's normal to not be told the identity of other children involved in something like this and their punishment to avoid parents fighting in the playground at drop off/pick up times.