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Over school incident? DS's(8) ear pierced by older girl

(299 Posts)
upsideup Mon 04-Jun-18 15:26:25

I've had to go and pick up DS (8, Y4) from school early today as he had his ear pierced at lunch by a year 6 girl.
The story that I've been told is that he said he wanted it done, she said she knows how to do and had done her friends before and so he ended up lying on the bench surrounded by her friends while she pierced it, DS says he was crying and screamed when she did it but the school reckons nobody heard this. He ended up getting blood on the school table, on his homework and a lot all down his shirt after lunch so had to tell the teacher.

It very much seemed that the school had decided that as DS was certain that he told her she could do it that she hadn't actually done anything wrong and DS is the one who misbehaved and is in big trouble. He has to redo his half term homework and has to stay in at lunch by himself for the rest of the week.
DS told me who did is but I think otherwise they were going to refuse to do so, I've met this girl as shes is in DD1's class so obviously I am going to ask dd if she knows anything about this when she gets home but as there have been party's and play dates with the girl before I know the power balance is definitely on her side. There was no mention of them dealing with the girl or her parents being informed just them making it very clear that DS said she could do it.

I am annoyed with DS, I don't know why he told her she could do it and he was really really stupid to let her but I know I would be a lot more annoyed if he (or dd1) had pierced someone elses ear at school especially a child 3 years younger than them.
That seems a lot more serious and inappropriate to me as at least with DS's actions he was the only one who go hurt. At 11 she is definitely old enough to know that this is not okay and if she doesn't then I think she needs to be taught so now.
I would want to know if my child had done this

So AIBU to want to question the punishment that the girl is getting or at least ask for confirmation that her parents are being informed?
And also maybe even question the playground supervision? I know this isn't the schools fault but it seems a bit odd that nobody noticed and of this.

Audree Mon 04-Jun-18 17:09:21

This is absolutely the school’s fault.

Even if your ds was begging the girl to pierce his ear, an 11 yo should know better than taking a sharp object to another person’s body.

treeofhearts Mon 04-Jun-18 17:09:30

Because the police will really be interested in a bit of misguided home piercing between 2 children. She didn't hold him down and force him for crying out loud. I quite agree that the school ought to come down on the pair of them like a ton of bricks but police is overkill.

sweeneytoddsrazor Mon 04-Jun-18 17:09:54

@Melfish we also used to 'carve' the initial of our bf/gf on the back of our hand between the thumb and forefinger usually with a compass.

ClaudiaWankleman Mon 04-Jun-18 17:09:58

Of course a more general infection is possible!

kateandme Mon 04-Jun-18 17:10:50

even if for some bizarre reason no teacherwas aware.now they are.so a talk with the class or all involved needs to be had on responsible activities they decide to take part in.adn how some are just no on.nor acceptibale in the shool.

BewareOfDragons Mon 04-Jun-18 17:10:51

I would tell the Head you will be contacting the police re the 11 year old, age of criminal responsibility, if s/he doesn't start taking this incident more seriously NOW.

Your son was stupid. The 11 year old committed a crime. On their watch. And are acting like she did nothing wrong.

So do they want the police involved? or do they want a chance to resolve it now with the girl and her parents and you?

Petalflowers Mon 04-Jun-18 17:12:16

Tree -the difference with your situation is that you were 11-13 years old, and did it to one another, not an 11 year old who did it on a child three years younger.

taratill Mon 04-Jun-18 17:12:30

I was angry when my child (who is the same age as OP's son) was forced to eat twigs and stones by a 'friend' on the playground and she was daft enough to go along with it.

I couldn't believe that no one noticed on the playground. Problem is that lunch time supervisors cannot see EVERYTHING that goes on.

My main concern here is that the boy is being punished and seemingly not the girl. In my situation I know that my daughters friend was called into school. I would be flabbergasted if the OPs school did not do at least the equivalent.

I think that schools tie themselves in knots over data protection which is probably why the OP has not been told anything about this.

taratill Mon 04-Jun-18 17:13:33

should say daughter's friend's parents were called into school!

Tomorrowillbeachicken Mon 04-Jun-18 17:16:23

DS says he was crying and screamed when she did it but the school reckons nobody heard this
Tbh this screams safeguarding issues to me too. Tbh it’s insane that an eight year old can even consent to this....

bunbunny Mon 04-Jun-18 17:17:46

I would get in writing to school that you are bringing to their attention the failure to safeguard your ds is multiple ways and you want to know what they are going to do step up, take ownership of their failures and sort out the issues.

Then list the issues:
- failure to protect your son from assault
- failure to stop an assault in progress
- failure to notice results of an assault
- failure to take the assault and the particular risks to health it presented seriously
- failure to recognise that an assault had taken place
- enabling a culture in school where this assault was possible
- failure to do anything to ensure this couldn’t happen again
- having pupils that don’t see the issue with doing this at break time
- and so on...

MrsMoastyToasty Mon 04-Jun-18 17:18:00

I would also email the school your concerns. Then you will have a time line and a written record of responses if you need take it further.

frasier Mon 04-Jun-18 17:18:00

The OP doesn’t know whether an adult has seen the safety pin. It may not even be a safety pin. It may have been something else. The girl needs to hand in what it was and the OP told.

BabiesDontNeedDaddies Mon 04-Jun-18 17:18:33

So your son pressured another child in to doing something wrong, got caught and appropriately punished? They probably made sure to tell the girl it was wrong and not to get lead in to trouble again and punished her appropriately. She didn't hurt your son. Your son hurt your son. Hes your problem to deal with, she's not.

didofido Mon 04-Jun-18 17:18:46

Is it possible that the girl is the daughter of a teacher or a governor? Cynical? Moi?

MrsHappyAndMrCool Mon 04-Jun-18 17:21:13

I would be withdrawing my child from the school!

Want2bSupermum Mon 04-Jun-18 17:24:43

This is classic bullying. What is the schools policy on bullying?

I agree with others that A&E is a waste of time. I'd be writing and email asking for a copy of the incident report, policy on supervision at lunchtime and the rationale for your DCs punishment.

Fruitcorner123 Mon 04-Jun-18 17:25:12

He wasn't held down screaming while it was done against his will

he says it wasn't against his will but have you read the OP because it states quite clearly that he was crying and screaming!

Fruitcorner123 Mon 04-Jun-18 17:26:46

BabiesDontNeedDaddies there is nothing in the OP that suggests her son pressured a girl 3 school years above him. You're just making stuff up.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 04-Jun-18 17:27:38

A child was screaming in pain and not one staff member heard or seen a thing and then they lay all the blame on the victim.
Yes I know some may say "but your son asked this girl to peirce his ear, so he's got to take some of the blame". However he's only 8 years old. She's 11 ready to go to senior school. Old enough to know better, and when he was screaming she should have stopped.
I'd be having a long conversation with the Safe guarding officer.

Whattheactualfuckmate Mon 04-Jun-18 17:29:29

Yeah ok babies hmm

I’d be seriously considering contacting the police.

Daisymay2 Mon 04-Jun-18 17:31:59

I was coming o to say email the school with what you understand from them to have been the scenario. Ask them to confirm that you are correct.
Ask for details of the implement used- yu don't really know hat you are dealing with- difference between her earing and a safety pin
Then ask about the qualifications of the school nurse- bit shocked at her to be honest
Then ask bunny's questions- real issues about the culture of the school and the lack of supervisiion.
He can't consent to an ear piecing they have no business to blame it on him and he would not be redoing any work or doing a detention.
I would raise it directly with the governors/local authority and possibly raise with OFSTED as there are safety implications.

SameTerfDifferentUserName Mon 04-Jun-18 17:33:48

Extremely stern letter/email and contact the police. Safeguarding issue I like bunbunny’s post.

pigmcpigface Mon 04-Jun-18 17:34:28

I think there are some rather hysterical posts about this on here. It's a prick with a needle, it will heal. Kids experiment with this kind of stuff sometimes. I let my best friend at school cut me and mix our blood so we could be 'proper sisters' shock shock. It wasn't bullying or assault, it was just a rather silly childish experiment.

I would ask the school for more information, but I am assuming that they did already ask classmates whether your DS was 'screaming and crying' and the answer was 'no', so there may be two sides to this. I'm absolutely not defending the 11 year old or attacking your DS - it may be that they were both being a bit stupid.

FrancisCrawford Mon 04-Jun-18 17:39:28

The schools attitude is bizarre

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