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Full time work with baby

(78 Posts)
bigbluehouse Mon 04-Jun-18 11:15:35

Do you think working full time from your child being approximately one year old affects your relationship with your child?

I am NOT asking this to be controversial, I am genuinely seeking advice as I've been offered a fantastic opportunity however I'm concerned increasing from part time will change things for us. I KNOW how ridiculous it sounds but I'm terrified my child will be upset and seek comfort from his childminder instead of me...

Has anyone out there gone from being part time to full time and can share their experiences?

reddressblueshoes Mon 04-Jun-18 11:29:06

Literally every woman I know has worked full time from a year and they all have a great relationship with their children.

They also have equally involved hands on fathers who also work full time. What I think looks most stressful is having a long commute including a commute to nursery- I've friends whose nursery is basically on their road: both parents can walk to work within 30 min and it just makes every thing c stress free, though it's a fairly unusual set up.

I'm planning on going back full time, as is DH, and I really don't expect it to cause any problems but we are lucky that he can work from home a few days a week and therefore do early pick ups/drop offs and I work quite close so we should be able to manage the technical side of it well.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn Mon 04-Jun-18 11:31:03

No, millions of parents work full time and have children.

They go to school from age five and are away from parents for the bulk of the day so no different.

eagleflies Mon 04-Jun-18 11:33:10

You will still have plenty of bonding time each evening and bedtime plus weekends. I worked 80% from when dd was 1 and we have a strong bond. (As I do also with DS - again I worked 80% from when he was 1 after my mat leave)

lifechangesforever Mon 04-Jun-18 11:35:40

Will watch this as I'll be coming back to work full time when DD is 9 months old. I don't believe it has a negative impact but I've seen various threads on here before that make me question myself sometimes.

Luxembourgmama Mon 04-Jun-18 11:36:51

I did and do work full time. It seems to be fine my kid is two now.

Wearelocal Mon 04-Jun-18 11:37:18

No. It was great for me and my ds seemed v happy when little. I found it harder when he was older and started school, and I then went part time. It's such a personal thing. Only you can know what you're comfortable with. My mother worked full time my whole childhood and it didn't affect my relationship with her. I was really proud of her work.

Gennz18 Mon 04-Jun-18 11:37:19

No not at all.

I've worked PT since DS was 6 months and FT since he was 14 months.

You can be a shit parent staying at home with your kids, you can be engaged parent that works FT.

Notmorewashing Mon 04-Jun-18 11:38:32

Went back full time 6 months so did dad.

Appreciated son MORE being at work. Also he got passed around childcare and family so was not clingy.

If I could afford to stay at home great but it’s no problem if you don’t need to stay away for work. Good balance in my opinion.

Gennz18 Mon 04-Jun-18 11:40:35

Should add of course not all FT work is the same - I have a short commute, so leave the house at 8.30 and home by 5/5.30, flexible work (so can work from home), supportive DH, decent salary which allows us to have better Childcare, easier standard of living etc - I think my set up is a lot easier than someone juggling shift work on minimum wage with a long commute dependent on trains etc. There are so many variables.

bigbluehouse Mon 04-Jun-18 11:44:02

ThAnk you everyone. LO normally wakes at about 6 and I'd be with him until around 8:30.

I'd then get home around 6 and his bedtime is 7:30. I'm hoping it'll work out as this is a great opportunity with a great salary increase

JumbleJamba Mon 04-Jun-18 11:46:41

I'm going to go against the grain slightly and say that 1 is very little to be away from primary carer all day 5 days a week. Going to school at age 5 they are far more mature. I believe that if you can possibly afford it that taking time out to care for your kids for the first couple of years is important for their emotional health and security , and becoming increasingly undervalued. I'm aware this is an unpopular opinion on mumsnet and I know not everyone has the luxury of being able to take time out from earning.

Tartsamazeballs Mon 04-Jun-18 11:51:47

I'm a SAHM and when my husband comes home from work my toddler treats him like he's a cross between a hero returning from war and a rock star. She also reminds me multiple times during the day that "daddy gone work". It doesn't affect your relationship in that way at all- your baby will always love you.

The only way I can see it does affect you is that I see a lot of my working mum friends spend a lot of their weekends scheduling every second so they get the most out of their family time. It kind of leaves very little time for the kid to be bored which I think is quite important. But hey, they might consider me lazy for letting my kid do bugger all though, so it's all swings and roundabouts really.

melclaire1111 Mon 04-Jun-18 12:00:59

I think it made my bond with Dd stronger as we appreciate the time we have together so much more. She also engages in so many more activities than we would probably do at home so i don't feel guilty if i don't do any of the 'messy' activities she loves so much!

I was in a very similar situation when I returned to work. Dd was 7.5 months, And I had the choice of going back 3 days a week in an ok paid, boring job that, or taking an amazing opportunity with a substantial payrise. This has allowed us the opportunity to buy a much larger house, have more holidays together and generally do a lot more. It was the hardest decision I have ever made, but for us it was totally the right one.

MyOtherUsernameisaPun Mon 04-Jun-18 12:12:55

It's really, really common for parents to work full time once their kids are a year old. It won't stop you being their Mum.

WittyJack Mon 04-Jun-18 12:18:33

I have been back at work since DD was 6months, as DP is a SAHD.

We have a great relationship, and I feel that it shows her what women can achieve at work as well as fulfilling my ambitions and all the study and work I've put in since I was little.

BUT if she bumps herself or wakes up sad in the night, she only wants daddy, and that stings badly. She's a daddy's girl, understandably. And I miss out on a lot of things she does and says, and these early years are so short. That's the price I pay.

You can only do what's right for you and your family. How I see it wouldn't be right at all for someone else and their family.

PepperSteaks Mon 04-Jun-18 12:49:34

I went back to work full time when DD was four months old. DH works away so she was with other people a lot. I did this because financially we had no choice. I had to work and my work had no part time positions. When she was 10 months old a part time position was given to me.
I think now we have the perfect balance though she is far more clingy now than she was before. I wouldn’t have gone back full time if I had another option.

Stinkbomb Mon 04-Jun-18 12:51:22

I went back full time when DD was 9 months, and we have a very strong and close relationship - we make the most of weekends together and holidays etc.

MuddyForestWalks Mon 04-Jun-18 12:53:43

DM went back to work full time when I was 12 weeks, as was the done thing then. We have a terrific relationship. Live far apart but text and chat most days, visit for long weekends, planning on a holiday together soon.

SchnitzelVonKrumm Mon 04-Jun-18 12:53:58

Worked for us. We had a nanny as I felt it was better for my DC to be cared for at home (and in the end it didn't work out more expensive than nursery for the hours we needed - both work full time but with flexibility) but she made sure they got out and about every day.

reeldoop Mon 04-Jun-18 12:54:00

I went back ft after a year with 4 children and, imo, it makes bugger all difference. I maybe have less free time than i might otherwise because lunch breaks, evenings etc are spent doung things with them, doing honewirk etc, but the amount if quality attrntion and time they get is the same than when ive bern at home, if not more.

Xenia Mon 04-Jun-18 12:54:51

Went back at 2 - 3 weeks (weeks not months) and have lovely relationships with them all. In fact it is less of a wrench then as the baby has utter stability from birth and certainty rather than some massive change at 1 year old.

ThenCameTheFools Mon 04-Jun-18 12:56:48

I didn't go back till dd was 3 and my god I wish I could turn back time. I can tell you nothing about those 3 years, not about me or her. Just a nothingness.
After going back, as others have said, you appreciate the time together. Obviously it takes some organising, and that means it has to be for a job you love.

Fatted Mon 04-Jun-18 13:04:13

I worked full time when my eldest was 6 months until he was 2. Personally I hated it. I don't think I bonded very well with him, but I did have PND as well. I definitely think our relationship improved and we had a stronger bond when I wasn't working full time. Having said that, DH has always worked full time and has a good bond with both children.

It depends on the parents and the children. I know one boy who goes to DS1 school, his parents both work full-time, dad does lots of volunteering etc in the evenings and mum seems to be forever out on the lash every weekend, with the boy going to his grandparents every weekend. On the other hand, my sister works full time along with BIL and they do lots of family stuff together when they're not in work. He too seems really close with his parents.

Bellabutterfly2016 Mon 04-Jun-18 13:08:42

Having just been made redundant and currently looking for work, I've noticed that the part-time roles I've seen are generally lower paid as the more senior roles all seem to be full-time.

I was working full time before maternity leave then went back 3 days and my salary was ok and I'd always aimed to up my hours again when dd went to school.

It is hard tho balancing the cost of childcare V's wages too - I'd always thought if childcare amounted to more than half your wages you potentially need a re-think!

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