I will try to make this as short as possible but am wondering whether I am unreasonable for what I’ve said or for feeling the guilt I do. <br><br>When I was a teenager my mother died, who was my entire world. Though her and my dad had known she was dying, in what they thought was our best interests they didn’t tell us so it was sudden for us, if not for everyone else. This made me extremely depressed and I was I had to grow up overnight, so did my brother. Of course children should help with the chores and in general yet we were cleaning the house too to bottom (he would shout at us if it wasn’t to his standard), cooked him dinner every night including taking it to him on a tray and then washing up etc, weren’t allowed out after school or at weekend unless the house was spotless (he didn’t lift a finger to help), started work away leaving us the bare minimum of food (we lived on pasta and tomato purée a lot of the time), did his ironing, cleaned his van, did the gardening and that is very few of the examples I could give. He went to work and slept, that was it. Never asked if we were okay, coping or whether we needed anything. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that life changed for him and his heart was broken but he never thought of us in any of it just him. <br><br>At the weekend he would go out drinking every night and come home to abuse us emotionally and physically. We would be half asleep waiting to see whether the door was slammed open or whether it would be opened normally therefore we were safe. About 80% of the time it was slammed with shouts of ‘useless c*’ ‘fat b*’ and the gem he used to say to me which was ‘I wish you were dead instead of your mum. This went in for years until I couldn’t take any more and moved away. After years of weekly abuse, it wasn’t just the shouting... he was violent too holding me by my neck above the stairs, slapping me around the face and so forth. I could sit here for ages typing out examples but I think you get the hint... I was 14 when it started and 19 when I moved away. I did intermittently move back for short periods where it would carry on. <br><br>This really effected my brother and I, we lost our confidence, did not trust people and have been depressed on and off for our whole adult lives (I am now 31). Sometimes I’ve spent years in denial and other times I’m like wth how could he do that? We have witnesses as our friends and partners witnessed a lot of it.<br><br>My issue is... him, our family and family friend seem to think we should just be able to forget about it. Switch it off as if nothing happened. They give the reasoning that he was grieving, but we were too. Difference being he was the adult and we were th children. They don’t know the whole ins and outs but they all know exactly what he is capable of temper wise. An aunt used to come every week, we would tell her sometimes of the stuff that was happening but after nothing changed we gave up bothering. If our behaviour was bead we would be demonised yet this man who was supposed to step up and parent us got away with it all whilst being waited on hand and foot and felt sorry for! <br><br>Well... we have both said our piece before, my brother and I. About how it has effected us and still does to this day. I think the lack of acknowledgement contributes to this and lack of apology of course. A few weeks back, I completely snapped. Admittedly, I haven’t been well having been diagnosed with a chronic illness (he knew but didn’t enquiry, it’s quite a life changing one) and I said everything that I have to you and how it has effected us. <br><br>My AIBU is down to my guilt for saying how I feel, he spent so many years telling us how useless we were I constantly question myself and the decisions I make. <br><br>So was I being unreasonable to explained at him, should I just forget all he put us through? Is it reasonable to give him the excuse that he was grieving and that his feelings were more important than ours? <br><br>It’s been playing on my mind since and although my lovely husband says I am right to feel the way I do, my mind is still feeling sad and guilty. I am the sort of person who hates making people sad and would rather myself feel crap so that may be effecting my decision but an impartial bit of advice would be really great. My brother is rather messed up but moved away a while ago so now I’m just a bit lost!<br><br>Sorry for the rant! x