To have refused this “gift”

[BigPinkBall]

I’ve posted about my MIL before giving us tons of unwanted “gifts” for dd that are either unsuitable or not to our taste and how the sheer volume of stuff is overwhelming. We always accept the gifts gratefully and take a picture of dd with them before putting them in the charity shop pile.

She offered to buy dd a 2nd toy box to keep all the (age inappropriate) toys she’s bought her in, we said there was no need and we’d get one ourselves but she insisted, we showed her the type we’ve already got, it’s a plastic box that DD can reach into and was only £6.99 from B&M.

Today she turned up with a set of cheap looking plastic drawers, DH said to her that they weren’t suitable because dd would try to climb them and pull them over and I mentioned that we’d had some similar ages ago but we’d got rid of them because they were wobbly. She immediately got back in the car screaming and shouting about how she’s had enough and she’d take them back (she won’t, they’ll sit in her living room so she can tell everyone how ungrateful we are).

[Aprilmightbemynewname]

I hoped you waved her off op!!

[Whatshallidonowpeople]

You could teach your child not to climb on them. But moaning is easier eh?

[BigPinkBall]

I could also teach her not to touch the fire but I think I’ll stick with a fire guard! I just think her reaction was totally over the top considering she basically decided we have to have this crap in our home and grovel with thanks to her too!

[GummyGoddess]

Does she not wonder where all the toys are?

[jannier]

I would have accepted the draws and put the age inappropriate things in them in side a cupboard, under the stairs in the shed etc. As they are not suitable yet she wont need access to them anyway.
How old is she that she would climb on them? I have had sets in the past around children from 6 months to 7 years without climbing being a problem.

As she is keen to buy LO things why don't you discuss what she likes doing, developmental needs etc in general conversation it my shape purchasing decisions in the future.

[HarrietSchulenberg]

I think I've seen your posts about this before and you've def done the right thing!

[BigPinkBall]

@GummyGoddess no, she seems to forget what she’s bought, so she’ll come round when I’ve put dd in one of her outfits and she’ll ask where I got it from and look surprised when I point out that she bought it.

[Jammycustard]

I think it’s food you’re saying no to stuff. I started a few years ago and feel much better for it.

[BigPinkBall]

As she is keen to buy LO things why don't you discuss what she likes doing, developmental needs etc in general conversation it my shape purchasing decisions in the future.

We’ve tried this, she’s not interested, in fact she seems to enjoy buying things she knows we won’t approve of, she let my DH live off crisps and fizzy pop when he was a child because that’s “what he wanted”.

[whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2]

Nah, ride it out OP. Anyone who foists tat on me, passive aggressively, to try and control my home gets told to fuck off. Screaming as she left? See how they dont like it when they are told no. Maintain your position. It's your home, your choice.

[Barbaro]

Screaming when she left? Isn't she meant to be the older one in this relationship, why is she having baby like tantrums?

Ignore her, she's being childish.

[gamerwidow]

Yanbu you asked her not to buy it, it’s not your fault that she ignored you. Most people don’t have the space to store random bits of furniture they don’t want. You were well within your rights to send them back with her.

[AllMYSmellySocks]

You could teach your child not to climb on them. But moaning is easier eh?

Maybe OP wants to choose her own furniture? Or her DD is a toddler who will just climb on them however much she's taught not to!

[Mummyoflittledragon]

My mother hit the roof with me when she asked me if I wanted some of her sports socks as they were too small for her feet. I said I didn’t wear sports socks (thinking towelling lined cotton things). She started shouting about how nothing was good enough for me. Idk where this all came from - but she’s a narcissist. Anyway, turns out they were trainer socks. So I took them.

What I learnt from this experience was to just take them, say thank you and stash away. This is what you’ve been doing thus far and it works. Annoying for you, I know. But you really would have been better off continuing to pick your battles especially when your mil won’t remember giving them to you in the first place.

[whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2]

Doesn't it reach the point where you don't care they are offended? Let them be offended. How else will they learn their behaviors are unwelcome?

Why should they be continually placated at the expense of ones own happiness? When, if not now, does the OP get to pick furniture for her own child? Why does the MIL get her way because people are too frightened to speak up?


It doesn't matter that she is upset. She's an adult and will have to behave like one.

[LighthouseSouth]

Oh I think I recall your other posts

You could try telling her you want to consume less and be more green but let me guess, she won't listen?

I would let her sulk, it's ridiculous.

[Cagliostro]

I remember your other posts. Or at least someone similar (it is a surprisingly common theme among parents/PILS)

All I can say is, good! Let her sulk.

[CadyHeron]

we said there was no need and we’d get one ourselves

Then it's her own daft fault for getting them then.You'd clearly said no thanks. You were getting one yourselves.
YANBU.

[CadyHeron]

you'd clearly

[happinessischocolate]

If a relative left my house screaming because I didn't want the tat they had bought for me I would laugh my head off. 😂

Keep up the good work OP just keeps saying no thanks

[BigPinkBall]

@mummyoflittledragon I’m glad I’m not the only one with someone like this in my life!

It’s just a pain having to be constantly grateful for crap you don’t want taking up space in your house, we’ve got a corner of the living room set up with all of dd’s toys and a playpen so we can leave her there while we pop to the loo or make a cup of coffee and know she’s safe, but if we put a set of drawers there then she might pull them on to herself, and I know some children have died by pulling furniture into themselves, so there was no way I was going to accept it.

I honestly think there’s something controlling about her behaviour because she doesn’t care what we actually need or want, it’s all about what she wants. A colleague of hers asked her to stop buying presents for her kid because she was spending more than their own grandparents were and it was ridiculous, but she just said to her “you can’t stop me, I’ll do what I want!”

[happinessischocolate]

you can’t stop me, I’ll do what I want!”

And she can't stop you or her workmate from throwing all her crap away.

[BigPinkBall]

@happinessischocolate no, she can’t stop us throwing it away but she than gets to tell everyone how generous she is which is just a bit annoying for us but all the family know what she’s like anyway. It was worse for her colleague because people they worked with thought colleague was taking advantage of her when actually it was the other way around.

[Parsleyisntfood]

I have this exact problem with the added twist that the relative is clearing out their own house so turns up with bits of furniture because “they’re better quality than we can afford”. They are also 40 years old and go with nothing.
Relative was horrified when elderly dog was sleeping in the sun on top of priceless family heirloom. That’s what happens in this house I’m afraid. They now tell anyone who listen than we can’t have nice things.

[JohnMcCainsDeathStare]

She sounds suspiciosly like a horder by proxy. Does she have hoarder tendencies? I suspect the foisting of stuff is an element of this.