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AIBU?

To want MIL in the delivery room?

15 replies

summerlemon · 27/05/2018 17:00

Or is that just nuts?

DP and I have been together for 2.5 years, having our first child this summer. I moved to England for him and have no family over here and even if I did, I don't particuarly like them.

I feel MIL and I get on really well, she's so kind, fun, helpful and basically everything my own mother isn't. She's given me great advice and nothing has been too much trouble throughout my pregnancy when I needed her and so, she's kind of grown to be the person when I need advice and support. In return I try make sure she's involved in the pregnancy, sending her scan pictures, pictures of the nursery as progresses etc.

I'm not very good at reading people at all and quite shy, but I get the impression that she does like me. She texts and call a lot so I take that as a sign that I'm doing something right.

My DP can be a bit clueless and I'm afraid he won't be much support as a birth partner. I'd really like her there with me but I've no idea if it'd be odd or too much to ask as I am not her daughter. My midwives have told me I could bring in two people and I'd love them both to be there.

Is it completely weird to ask? Would you as the MIL feel a bit weirded out or honoured? I don't want to make her uncomfortable.

OP posts:

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summerlemon · 27/05/2018 17:00

the person I turn to*. Apologies, English isn't my first language.

OP posts:

bengalcat · 27/05/2018 17:02

Of course - ask her and see what she says - likely she'd be delighted and more than happy to support you

Nikephorus · 27/05/2018 17:02

I think it's lovely IF your DP doesn't mind - I know you're the one going through childbirth but it's his child too and it would suck if he felt pushed out by MIL being there. MIL might feel weirded out but I'd have thought that she'd be honoured to be asked even if she decides it's not for her.

Merryoldgoat · 27/05/2018 17:03

Ask her - she sounds lovely.

I don’t have my mother anymore but my aunt was in the delivery room with me (along with DH).

If my aunt hadn’t been able to do it, my MIL was a very close second choice - she’s a fantastic support and would have been perfect.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/05/2018 17:03

Ask her. Nothing wrong with asking. If you think she might be uncomfortable with it you can make sure she knows she can say no or step out of she wants to even if she says yes.

But even just asking would be quite an honour I’d imagine.

bushtailadventures · 27/05/2018 17:04

I would ask her, chances are she will be delighted. I saw my grandchild born, although I'm not a MIL, almost more wonderful than having my own dc.

If she doesn't want to be with you, she can always say No, but you have nothing to lose by asking.

Etino · 27/05/2018 17:04

It’s not weird and it’s nice to ask. Maybe think about how to word it so she can refuse without offending you, ‘I don’t know how squeamish you are, but I’d like your support during delivery?’

GrainOfSalt · 27/05/2018 17:05

If you and your DP would like her to be there then ask her - not weird at all to me - as long as you let her know she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to

Twooter · 27/05/2018 17:06

I personally feel that childbirth is an intimate thing between you and your partner - you’ll have medical people with you so I wouldn’t be too concerned if he was clueless. if he’s fine about it, no problem, but some men can feel sidelined.

Yogagirl123 · 27/05/2018 17:07

MIL watched our DS1 being born, DH wanted her their as he was so worried about how he would cope. MIL is better than a mum to me so it wasn’t a problem, she was looking after DS1 when I went into labour with DS2! I am sure she would be delighted to be there. Good luck OP many congrats.

HeddaGarbled · 27/05/2018 17:09

Hmm, while I understand your reasoning, I do think that the birth of your first child is a very special event in the life of a couple and I think you should keep it as a private thing for the two of you.

AreWeDoingThisNow · 27/05/2018 17:11

I had my MIL there.

DH has a medical phobia and I didn't want to be worrying about him fainting. I get on much better with MIL than DM and she's the kind of person you would want in an emergency - DM isn't. Oh, and she'd previously delivered puppies 😂

She was thrilled to be there (1st grandchild) and did it again 8 months with SIL (her daughter).

summerlemon · 27/05/2018 20:47

Thanks for the replies. I'm glad to hear that there are others who've delivered with their mils in the room!

OP posts:

twirlywho · 27/05/2018 20:50

If your husband is happy for her to be there why not I bet she'd be overjoyed to be asked

Darkstar4855 · 27/05/2018 21:47

I think she would be flattered to be asked and I think you should have whoever you want with you if it’s what makes you feel comfortable.

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