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AIBU?

MIL tattoo.

46 replies

Dobbythesockelf · 26/05/2018 20:12

I'm going to begin this by saying that I don't get on with my mil and I'm also heavily pregnant so I might be overreacting.
My mil isn't very nice, she wasn't the best mum to my dh, lied to him about his father, took money from him, treated him differently to siblings. She has spent the last few years convincing his family that I am a horrible person, told them I am stopping her seeing her grandchild, turning her son against her etc.
I decided about 18 months ago that for my own sanity I was going to have very little to do with her, all contact with my dd was going to be through my dh and I wouldn't step foot in her house etc. She very rarely sees dh and dd, about 3/4 times a year on average. They talk about twice a month, but she takes no real interest in his life at all, very rarely asks about him and dd, talks about herself. She is currently trying to see us more often but we think this is cause I'm pregnant again and she loves babies.
She visited today. She has during the 1 hour visit informed my dh that she is getting a tattoo of our kids names on her. With some nonsense about grandmas angels. This has made me angry. She takes no interest in her son or grandchild but now wants to tattoo their names on he body, one child isn't even born yet. I just don't get why she would do this, she is in her 50's and has not got any tattoos so why would she start with this. AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
wishiwassizeeight · 26/05/2018 20:15

Oh FFS. Yeah I’d be annoyed too. Aside from the fact that the tattoo sounds awful, it’s also very fake.

I guess you can’t stop her but perhaps DH can tell her he hates the idea?

IHeartKingThistle · 26/05/2018 20:15

I'd be so tempted to tell her what you're fake calling the baby, let her get the tattoo then 'change your mind'.

VimFuego101 · 26/05/2018 20:15

Is it too late to tell her the wrong spellings for each of the names?

YANBU, this would annoy me too.

sonjadog · 26/05/2018 20:16

Tell her what the new baby's name is going to be. And then change it.

formerbabe · 26/05/2018 20:17

Oh that sounds awful op...I'd be so pissed off, but not much you can do.

Would some reverse psychology work? Tell her you think it's a fabulous idea! Grin.

junebirthdaygirl · 26/05/2018 20:17

That would drive me mad and l am a gm in her 50s. No way would l tattoo my gd on my body as she is not my child. Could you keep very quiet about the name for your new baby so at least this won't happen for a while and she may move on to her next mad idea. I would be tempted to come up with a mad name and change your mind at the last minute!!

StressedToTheMaxx · 26/05/2018 20:19

Give her the wrong spelling for your new dd's name Wink
I have an awful mil too.
I don't think I would actually give a damn purely because, through her own behaviour, all she will have is the tattoo.
You have the dc and the memories you share/ will share with them to treasure.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 26/05/2018 20:21

Montgomery Aloicious for a ds and all the girls from the sound of music hyphenated for a dd.
And. No. NN!!

Dobbythesockelf · 26/05/2018 20:24

Haha sadly we are pretty set on the babies name and my dd will announce to everyone I imagine. My dd does have an unusual spelling which my mil struggles with so there is a chance it could go tits up. We were planning on shortening the new babies name, but haven't told anyone this yet. Or we could always call him by his unusual Welsh middle name that we have planned. I don't get why you would get grandchildren names that you hardly see but not your own kids. She literally knows nothing about dd, for her 3rd birthday she got her toys aimed at 1 year olds, and insists on buying princess clothes even though my dd loves superheroes.

OP posts:
Ipdipme · 26/05/2018 20:27

StepMIL pulled this exact same one on us. Wanting all the variously related DGC’s names on her.

It was all smoke and never happened despite her having many tattoos.

My advice... say ‘oh how lovely’ and totally diffuse her game.

I’d also give a false name for DC2 in case she wanted to get ahead of the birth Grin

happypoobum · 26/05/2018 20:33

Dobby you are really missing a trick here. Just let her have the tattoo and call the baby something else.

It's quite usual to be set on a name and then change it once the baby arrives because the name just doesn't fit the baby.

frasier · 26/05/2018 20:35

Is she really going to do it or is she saying it just to annoy you? It seems odd that she hasn't got any tattoos but suddenly wants the whole "Grandma's angels" thing Hmm

Don't show her you're annoyed.

If she asks DH what you think of her idea when they next speak, she's doing it do upset you.

If she does do it, it's only ink, tacky (imo) and makes her look sad. She won't have your children, you have them. No matter how many words she scribbles on herself she will not be closer to them.

Oh, and if she does it, tell her they look tacky!

Dobbythesockelf · 26/05/2018 20:44

I did wonder if it was to get a reaction but I wasn't here and after so many years of her behaviour my dh tends to ignore her more than anything. If she mentions it again my dh says he will have to say something cause he find a it so ridiculous.
It's very true that it won't change her relationship with either my dh or her grandkids. We had to stop sending her pictures via email cause she was putting them up on Facebook after we asked her not to, going on about how much she loves her grandchild etc but in reality she never actually sees her in person. I'm wondering if this is another way of showing how great a grandma she is.

OP posts:
sugarplumfairy28 · 26/05/2018 20:46

I don't have an issue with older women/Nannys having or getting tattoos. My MIL has my children's names tattooed she was 54 ish and got a dreamcatcher with their names so she could catch their bad dreams.

Having said that, if I didn't get on with my MIL and she had very little to do with my children it would be odd! To the point that you question their motives and worry about what the repercussions of her going through with it would be.

diddl · 26/05/2018 20:53

I can see why it would piss you off-but it's not worth the headspace imo.

SeriousSass · 26/05/2018 21:01

If I was you I think the easiest thing is to genuinely not give a shit about her. You don’t see her so does it really make any odds if she pretends she is a caring Grandmother. It’s not going to make people change their view of her one way or another.
I’d just carry on ignoring her and not give it another’s thought.
I think YABU to be annoyed or to care.

Knittedfairies · 26/05/2018 21:16

I’d just let her get on with it; if she runs true to form you’ll only see her tattoos (if she goes through with it, which I doubt) three or four times a year anyway.

Jengnr · 26/05/2018 21:19

A fake name is the way to go, definitely.

Something fucking ridiculous :)

frasier · 26/05/2018 21:21

Fake name doesn't have to be ridiculous, just believable, because it will be ridiculous that she's got some random name on part of her!

HildaZelda · 26/05/2018 21:24

She sounds pathetic. I think I'd give a big smile and gush about how amazing that would be. From what you say I think the fact that (she thinks) you approve would probably put her right off the idea.
I sympathise OP. I have the MIL from hell myself

frasier · 26/05/2018 21:24

Bit outing but who cares. We told MIL a fake name. Not because she wanted tattoos but because she had form for hating her grandchild's names, being vocal about it, and before DS was born had started saying "I hope you're not going to give him a stupid name".

So we did. So she thought. She was horrified into silence.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 26/05/2018 21:27

Sorry but sounds like reference to deceased dc saying dgm's angels imo!

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doodlejump1980 · 26/05/2018 21:34

^ yup, is she trying to get attention for “angels” for actually living children? Bad taste imo. But if she’s going to do it, find the longest name you can so she has to go through more pain... hee hee

LynetteScavo · 26/05/2018 21:38

This is so awful on so many levels it's almost funny.

If you can, smile and gush you think it's a great idea. I bet she won't do it then.

An the other hand just let her do it. It'll serve her right when she realises a spelling mistake.

lljkk · 26/05/2018 21:38

It's weird, but I don't understand being annoyed. You already knew she wasn't a sincere or great Grandma. There's nothing new to learn from the tattoo thing. She could tattoo "I'm Lady Gaga!" on her chest & it would be equally truthful. Why is it Ur problem if she decides to misrepresent herself?

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