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To wonder if you would feel sorry for a child with no grandparents?

(53 Posts)
Turquoisegreensea Sat 26-May-18 17:44:04

Or would you not be interested?

Butterflykissess Sat 26-May-18 17:45:53

No why would you?

Confusedbeetle Sat 26-May-18 17:46:34

Of course not. If a child has plenty of adults close to the family that they grow up relating to, Aunts uncles close family friends

SleepingStandingUp Sat 26-May-18 17:46:36

Well I wouldn't make a judgement on that alone.

I'd think it's quite sad as I loved my grandparents and so they're missing out on that. But then do you miss what you've never had? They might not have had a strong relationship anyway.

They might have an otherwise large extended family, lots of cousin's and aunts and uncles, great aunts and uncles etc.

elaine26 Sat 26-May-18 17:46:56

It would probably depend on the grandparents, my dm and df are great with my DC's and my mil is OK with them too, fil adored them but he died when they were 2

elliejjtiny Sat 26-May-18 17:47:01

Not really

Aprilmightbemynewname Sat 26-May-18 17:47:35

My dc have no relatives except siblings and me +dh.
Plenty of us - it's fine!!

TakemedowntoPotatoCity Sat 26-May-18 17:48:05

From the age of 2 I didn't have any. Never felt sorry for myself, can't speak for anyone else.

NewYearNewMe18 Sat 26-May-18 17:49:13

Yes, our parents died either before we had children or before the eldest was 5. It's had such an impact on all of our lives. I do feel that cross generational thing is very important.

I do look at our friends (mid 50's) with their adult children (mid 20's) and fit and able bodied parents (mid-late 70's) and the benefits they've had from advice and support, to impromptu baby sitting, to holidays together, meals out, big extended family parties for birthdays , bank holidays and Christmas etc, and I genuinely feel my children have missed out on an extra layer of love from 4 people.

Whyohwhy65 Sat 26-May-18 17:49:27

Never had any. I did have a nan but she never spoke to me some never spoke to her. She recently passed. I didn't feel a thing. She deliberately left me out when i was little.

Mooneyes Sat 26-May-18 17:49:33

I'm not sure I'd really think about it that deeply. In an ideal world it would be lovely for all children to have close relationships with caring, supportive grandparents, but I know plenty of children who don't, either because the grandparents are dead, ill, NC, live abroad, or just aren't interested. These days, a lot of children don't have the old fashioned "round to nan's for tea on a Thursday" type relationship, unless they live in the sort of area where nobody ever moves away. Though even then, granny is likely to be still working too!

Quickerthanavicar Sat 26-May-18 17:51:21

Is this a specific child or are we talking generally?

deadringer Sat 26-May-18 17:51:47

I never had any and while I didn't notice much growing up, when I see how much my DC love their Nans, I do feel that I missed out. So yes I probably would tbh.

healthyheart Sat 26-May-18 17:52:23

newyearnewme that’s me too.
People with parents still here just don’t get it!
They do not realise just how lucky they are.

Love51 Sat 26-May-18 17:52:38

If the child had loving parents, then probably no. But through my work I come across children with genuine difficulties. I said probably no because if the child was a young carer only child of a single parent then extended family would be a bonus. I wouldn't bother feeling sorry for most children with loving parents unless they had some difficulties going on bigger than 'no grandparents'.

Turquoisegreensea Sat 26-May-18 17:53:08

No other relatives.

SakuraBlossom Sat 26-May-18 17:54:40

I didn't have any Grandfathers and my Grandmothers were pretty horrible and not interested. I still grew up into a normal person.

BackforGood Sat 26-May-18 17:55:29

Not necessarily. We all have different family units. Some might fit into a traditional 1 mum, 1 dad, 2.4 dc, 4 grandparents, but millions of people don't.
Having lovely grandparents can be nice, but not having them isn't anything they miss if they never had them (or don't remember them).

gamerwidow Sat 26-May-18 17:57:14

Depends on the reason, if all the grandparents were dead but they were nice people who would have had a great relationship with the child that the child now doesn’t get to have then yes.
If the child has grandparents but they are arseholes who the parents have gone NC with then no.
I think the relationship a child has with their grandparents can be one of the most special in the world. All children should get to experience it if they can.
We don’t always get to choose our crcumstances though and as long as a child has adults who love them they will be ok.

Glumglowworm Sat 26-May-18 17:57:25

I wouldn’t think a huge amount about it tbh

I had all four grandparents until I was in my late 20s but I barely knew any of them.

I’d probably feel bad for the parents who had lost their own parents (or otherwise not had them in their lives) more than for children never knowing them.

BackforGood Sat 26-May-18 17:57:33

I do feel that cross generational thing is very important.

I agree, but I also know you can get that from your family having friends and relationships with older folk who aren't (by birth) their Grandparents, but are honoured and thrilled to take on bits of that role.

PastBananas Sat 26-May-18 17:59:51

Only one of my grandparents was still alive when I was born, and he died when I was 10. He lived a long way away, and I only have very vague memories as I only ever met him a couple of times.

I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have the full set.

DC only has one surviving grandparent too, but sees her all the time and has a really close relationship with her, which is lovely as I never really knew my grandad at all.

NewYearNewMe18 Sat 26-May-18 18:02:49

healthyheart I know, they really don't. There isn't a day I don't look round for Mum or Dad.

I see my childrens cousins who do still have their other grand parents from the in-law side and its just so evident they they've missed out so much.

We went into this whole children thing with 4 healthy functioning parents, and few years later they were all suddenly dead. Awful period.

SakuraBlossom Sat 26-May-18 18:04:05

Some of my friends have both parents around who help them out all the time and they hang out at weekends etc. The one that stings me the most is I have a few friends whose parents own villas in Spain or Italy and they are always all jetting off there together for a free holiday.

I'm not usually a jealous person, but this really pisses me off hmm

One day I hope to be that Granny with my DH and our DC and DGC. I promise to be really nice to my DIL's too.

FlyingElbows Sat 26-May-18 18:05:01

I feel sorry for my children because they don't have a grandparent relationship like the one I had with my paternal grandmother. They don't have any grandparent relationships at all. My mil is dead, my fil lives in another country, my father isn't I'm the blinds bit interested in them and my mother isn't suitable to have a relationship with them. That said, they don't miss what they've never had I don't think. We don't have extended family so we just do the best we can. I think they're ok. The only time it's been an issue has been during school projects such as "family tree" or "when gran was a girl", that kind of thing.

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