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Fucked off with DS dad

(24 Posts)
angrymumof1 Sat 26-May-18 11:12:20

He makes out he loves him, cares, misses him, devastated by not seeing him


Of course because of the situation with me where he couldn't possibly prioritise restraining himself from being abusive - HE has chosen not to see him

They never tell people the whole truth do they?!


mustbemad17 Sat 26-May-18 11:16:03

Ah sounds familiar. DD hasn't seen her dad in 5.5 years...his fault. We did mediation (or tried to), i offered ways for him to slowly come back...i am the bitch from hell who is abusing his daughter by keeping her from her 'loving' father. The irony is that he has an older DD who he hasn't seen in 16 years, for very real reasons including violence & abuse (i didn't know this at the time). But again, her mother is the devil incarnate & everyone panders to him with the 'they'll come round eventually & realise how evil their mothers are' 🤔

angrymumof1 Sat 26-May-18 11:26:56

Oh yes... I've had the "he'll see you for what you are" talk

What's that then? A mum who has a right not to be abused? A mum who pointed out you should put him first? A mum who left you FOR her son (so he could live out of the toxic bully zone)?

mustbemad17 Sat 26-May-18 11:44:29

I used to get really cross & upset - he literally was the only person who could make me feel so low. Now when he does get in touch - maybe twice a year with some sob story of cancer - i pity him.

angrymumof1 Sat 26-May-18 12:03:00

I've got to get past the anger and into the pity

mustbemad17 Sat 26-May-18 12:07:05

Took me a while i must admit. Couple of years maybe? But it is definitely a better place to be

Violetshift Sat 26-May-18 12:07:39

I am literally having the same argument with my ex now!
It’s infuriating

Bbbbbbbb2017 Sat 26-May-18 12:15:29

My ex categorically believes the kids are going to go looking for him once they are 18

Violetshift Sat 26-May-18 12:18:21

Mine doesn’t want to see her today due to her bad attitude towards him. confused

scotchpancakes123 Sat 26-May-18 12:21:46

My dp's ex hates him and would rather him be out of the picture, but would also use that as an opportunity to tell everyone and their dog what a useless father he is even though she would be happy he's not around. He hasn't and will never give her the satisfaction.

angrymumof1 Sat 26-May-18 12:26:18

@scotchpancakes123 I'm sure that's what my ex is telling his dp

Whatififall Sat 26-May-18 12:30:03

I feel your pain!
I stopped him seeing dd for a while in 2016 as the child therapist recommended it as he had self-harmed in front of DD. Contact has been reintroduced slowly since then - taking a 5 month break again last summer as he was hospitalised due to his mh - and as he is “well” now he fully believes that contact should be unsupervised and as I disagree then when DD is grown up she will know the truth and see me for who I am. His family seem to believe this too.

I just sincerely hope she will see me as protecting her own mental health and emotional well-being over her father’s demands.

mustbemad17 Sat 26-May-18 12:45:13

Bbbbbbb my ex's eldest daughter is 18 this year...far from going looking for him she has changed her surname by deed poll & has categorically told her mother that if she ever sees him she won't be responsible for the words that come out of her mouth 😂

MaitlandGirl Sat 26-May-18 12:56:25

My kids haven’t seen their dad in over 12 years (they’re 17, 20 and 22) and I doubt they’d recognise him if they bumped into him in the street.

We’ve since emigrated and 6 years ago DS found him on FB and sent him a message. He replied and signed himself “Brian” rather than Dad. Says it all really.

In hindsight he stopped seeing the children when he found out his new gf was pregnant so he didn’t need to bother with our children anymore.

angrymumof1 Sat 26-May-18 13:09:13

I just don't get how these new partners don't see right through it

I dated someone. Got the story of the ex stopping contact. Believed it... only because I saw him going to court and fighting to see them. Saw him drop me like a hot potato if she clicked her fingers for help with them - not for her, for them, to be there for them. Saw that he would drop friends, work, me, anyone... for an opportunity with his kids if she gave it.

Had I not seen any of that, no way would I have taken him at his word

mustbemad17 Sat 26-May-18 13:16:35

angrymumof1 i get asked this a lot. My ex has an older son he fought for in court, still sees today. Then an older daughter he stopped seeing - his choice - at 2; despite lots of issues, supervised contact was offered & declined.

When i got with him he & his entire family lied to me about why none of them saw her. They lied about the violence, the abuse, the threats to both his daughter & her mother, effectively putting me & DD at potential risk too. He only became violent after i had had DD too.

If it had just been his word about why he didn't see her i'd have stepped back a bit more i think; his family properly suckered me there

wtf2018 Sat 26-May-18 13:23:19

@mustbemad17 yeah I know exH mum will be right behind him telling his new partner everything he says is true. She believes it herself. She can't possibly believe her golden boy is anything but perfect

And when he says "I can't see him because she'll accuse me of abuse"

She can't believe that he was only accused of abuse - BECAUSE he WAS abusive! hmm

mustbemad17 Sat 26-May-18 15:10:33

My ex has a string of offences for violence against partners (and others) but mummy dearest still refuses to believe he is a thug. He could do no wrong in her eyes

scotchpancakes123 Sat 26-May-18 15:23:47

I'm smart enough to know for myself. Believe me if I thought I was being fed lies by my partner I would not have any of it. I can judge someone based on their actions and words and a good hunch, hence my comment about her.

angrymumof1 Sat 26-May-18 15:38:11

@scotchpancakes123 grinas long as you're not dating my ex you're probably fine. She thinks all that too. Not getting the years of abuse behind my actions and words towards him now when he's gunning for a fight

scotchpancakes123 Sat 26-May-18 16:17:17

Honestly I don't for one minute think you are like her. Well I don't even know you for a start smile And no I can assure you I am not dating your ex because I wouldn't stand by a man who doesn't see his kids through his own choice.
I think there are shits on both sides to be honest.

BabiesDontNeedDaddies Sat 26-May-18 16:23:13

Just refuse to acknowledge his existence hence forth

sexnotgender Sat 26-May-18 16:27:59

Got an ex exactly the same, plays the I love her so much tune with extended I really miss her disco version. I've NEVER stopped him seeing her but he makes time maybe once every 6 weeks/2 months if she's lucky.
Sometimes she goes 3/4 months without seeing him, doesn't pay a penny in maintenance and never has.
She sees him for what he is, I've never bad mouthed him to her, I didn't need to.
He also forgot her birthday one year, that was a low point, even for him.

NoPhelange Sat 26-May-18 17:22:15

This could be my thread. Ex decided we should split, I agreed, I moved on, he didn't think I would so didn't like it, began an absolute hate campaign against me and partner, threatened suicide multiple times and now we are at the stage of him accusing us of forcing him away as after taking way more than we should my partner warned him to stay away from us, he took that as the kids too. Absolute dickhead. His Facebook has some shit 'not all father's are absent by choice' quote as the cover photo and his caption is 'a childless father sad'. Almost laughable if it wasn't so pathetic.

I've begged and begged him to see them, offered to take him to court for set days, but nope. Because then he can't play the victim role he has mastered. Manipulative narcissistic piss poor excuse for a Father he is. Oh and the cherry on top is him threatening to quit work if I don't cancel CMS and accept his private lower amount offer 😂

I'll never close the door on him seeing his kids, but at some point you have to stop begging people to be a part of their lives when they should be battering down the door to get to them without prompting.

Sorry you're in this situation OP, it's shit flowers

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