To feel hurt that my friend hasn't replied

[FlowerySheets]

My friend knows that I'm going through a bit of a hard time recently, and that I'm seeing a counsellor. On Tuesday night I reached out to her on whatsapp and on Wednesday morning she replied asking how I was and if I wanted to talk about it. I replied, because I did want to talk, and she's read it but hasn't replied since. I didn't say anything that could upset her in any way so it's not that.

Admittedly she does struggle with depression so it could be that she's not feeling up to talking about anything at all, but she's messaged me on snapchat since then, although it was probably a message she was sending to lots of people. I wouldn't feel hurt normally, it's just the fact that she was the one who asked me if I wanted to talk about it and when I tried, she didn't even reply. I just know that if it were the other way round and she had told me she was upset, I would make the effort to reply to her as soon as I could, no matter how busy I was or whatever. Aibu?

[KarmaStar]

Sorry for your hard times op,you are nbu.
Without knowing what's going on in her life it's hard to advise.
Have you anyone else you can confide in?
I hope your life gets better very soon.

[AllMYSmellySocks]

I would feel hurt too. Like you said perhaps with her depression she's just not up to it. Is she normally considerate?

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Yanbu. That’s disappointing.

[FissionChips]

She probably just asked if you wanted to talk about it out of awkward politeness. If she has depression it’s understandable she may not have the energy to cope with another persons issues.

[FlowerySheets]

I totally agree that it's understandable if she doesn't have the energy to deal with my stuff as well as her own. But she is generally there for me too and she has told me multiple times that I can talk to her if I want to. If she's really struggling and can't deal with listening right now, that's completely fine but I wish she'd message me and tell me that rather than just leaving me hanging.

Whenever she does eventually reply, should I say anything to her? I don't want to upset her but I also don't think that I should have to swallow my hurt and always put up with things that I would mention to a friend who didn't suffer from depression.

[LolaTheDarkdestroyer]

If she suffers from depressing then other people's issues really impact that and can make you feel even worse. That's probably what it is.

[InspMorse]

Could be any number of reasons:

She doesn't know how to reply
She doesn't want to reply in the wrong way
She can't take it on - on top of her own problems
She's avoiding replying for whatever reason

I would leave it. To 'confront' her about it would be wrong.

[BedtimeTea]

Usually if one of you said that you would like to talk, does one of you arrange a when and where, or a chat on the phone? I would text her and say whenever is a good time for her to let you know.

[FissionChips]

I’d forget all about trying to talk about your problems with her and just stick to lighthearted stuff for a while.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I’m not surprised your upset and probably confused. If you want to send a message about it, the most I would send would be something like:
“I think you probably read my message. It’s ok that you haven’t replied. How are you doing?”

[BettyBaggins]

"I don't want to upset her but I also don't think that I should have to swallow my hurt and always put up with things that I would mention to a friend who didn't suffer from depression."

Maybe she feels the same way. Maybe she is everso busy and struggling herself. Maybe this isnt about you.

[Joboy]

Msg your councillor for another appointment. Or contact www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
I don't think you expect your freinds to listen to you all the time.

[Thespringsthething]

But why did the friend say 'are you ok, do you want to talk?'

Fine if you are busy/depressed/have nothing to give.

Not fine to offer to chat and then not follow through with it, even with a text taking 2 secs.

[FlowerySheets]

Yes that's exactly it @Thespringsthething.

It's the fact that she offered but then I haven't heard anything more after that. I would understand if she's not able to give me that kind of support at the minute. I would never impose myself on her in that way. But she did offer, of her own volition, and then just stopped replying.

I would have hoped we're close enough to know that we can be honest with each other about what we can deal with and what we can't.

[FissionChips]

Not fine to offer to chat and then not follow through with it, even with a text taking 2 secs

Depression affects some people worse than others, sometimes it can make you unable to face even sending a 2 second text. It just does.

[Thespringsthething]

Well, she did message on Snapchat.

I do get depression can make you unable to help with others' problems- it's probably best then OP if you don't rely on her or take up any of her offers to listen, because she clearly does have issues with following through, even if she means well.

[FissionChips]

Her snap chat message was to a group so most likely light hearted stuff, completely different from having to face sending a text to someone who is wanting your help.

[Thespringsthething]

I think it depends how reliable the person is normally whether this would be a one off due to severe depression or just part of a pattern of being a bit flaky. I wouldn't want to have a friend who offered help, then didn't bother following it up for days or weeks- but if they were normally pretty good at replying but on this one occasion couldn't then that would be more than understandable. If they were never there for you, and you were there for them, then there's an imbalance in the friendship. It is difficult if both of you have depression.

[RebelRogue]

It depends if she's normally there for you and what she will eventually reply when she does.
What was in your reply? An admission that yes you do need to talk or did you let it all out(no judgement if you did)?