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to be annoyed that sonographer slipped up?

(168 Posts)
JingleJelly Sat 26-May-18 10:29:18

Had a scan at 17 weeks due to some bleeding. They could see where it was coming from and told me it's nothing to worry about but to take it easy. Sonographer said that as I'm there they'd have a look at the baby to make sure all is okay. He was lovely and had a look at everything as I was very anxious and have had numerous miscarriages so wanted to reassure me. He said he was going to look at the genitals to make sure all normal and to look away. I did as we want a surprise. After this, he stopped referring to baby as 'baby' and started using 'he'. The assistant in the room glared at him and gave him a very 'what are you doing!' type look, and he reverted back to saying 'baby'.

I'm not going to lie, I'm annoyed. It's not the end if the world and I'm so pleased baby is ok, but still saddened that I'm fairly sure it's a boy. I haven't told DP and am not going to, as I would like at least one of us to have the surprise we wanted.

AIBU to feel miffed by this? Anyone had the same thing? First baby and a bit disappointed that's all...

JingleJelly Sat 26-May-18 10:32:55

Just to clarify I'm not sad it's a boy, I'm sad that I was told and didn't get to find out at the birth! It's going to be really hard to pretend for the next few months that I don't know...

MaryShelley1818 Sat 26-May-18 10:35:17

I understand a little but please try to let it go and don’t let it spoilt what should be a wonderful time for you.
There are far worse things happen at have a healthy little baby! Congratulations x

KTD27 Sat 26-May-18 10:35:32

YANBU it happened to me too a little later on in my first pregnancy. I was annoyed as we had gotten to 36 weeks and then knew when we hadn’t wanted to. But. Grand scheme of things it didn’t matter. And I’m sure when you have had chance to get your head round it it won’t matter as much to you. There’s so much about pregnancy and birth you can’t control and really it’s about getting a healthy baby and taking him home (which I’m sure you know - I don’t mean to patronise or belittle your feelings)
And A boy! Amazing news! they’re fab smile

JingleJelly Sat 26-May-18 10:36:42

@MaryShelley1818 oh absolutely! As I said I'm not going to cry over it, I'm just not looking forward to having to deal with the 'are you finding out' and feel like I'm almost lying to DP by pretending I don't know. And of course I can't tell him as it was so important for him to have a surprise! Time for my game face I guess...

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sat 26-May-18 10:36:52

No you're not being unreasonable to be annoyed that he slipped up.
However. Why are you saddened that it's a boy. Did you have a preference for a girl.
This is said with sensitivity and respect but
when you try for a baby it is vital it's because you want a baby not because you want a girl/boy or do you mean you're just sad that you know and wanted a surprise.

sexnotgender Sat 26-May-18 10:37:11

I'm not sure I could get myself too worked up about something like that.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sat 26-May-18 10:37:46

Oh sorry up just read your second comment

AllMYSmellySocks Sat 26-May-18 10:38:02

Understandable but I agree it's best to just let it go. At least in my experience the pregnancy and birth experience seem so important (especially with your first) until you actually have the healthy child in front of you, then it all just seems so trivial and superficial in comparison to the job of actually raising the child.

AllMYSmellySocks Sat 26-May-18 10:38:42

To be clear though you're not BU to be upset it's a shame he slipped!

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 26-May-18 10:39:50

I’d be annoyed if I didn’t want to know- surely it’s something that is drilled into them to not refer by sex

JingleJelly Sat 26-May-18 10:40:05

@sexnotgender I'm not worked up smile just wanted a surprise that's all! Wondered how common this was.

Flyingfruit Sat 26-May-18 10:41:32

I wouldn’t be 100% sure that it’s a boy. A lot of sonographers say he as a matter of course...

JingleJelly Sat 26-May-18 10:42:13

Thank you @KTD27 ! I didn't have a preference at all! DP would quite like a boy so I'm excited to see the look on his face smile

JingleJelly Sat 26-May-18 10:43:26

@Flyingfruit I'm so sure it's a boy. The reaction of the assistant/trainee (sorry not sure who she was) made it really obvious. He suddenly then started using 'baby' whilst she looked very awkward and not best pleased!

ShreksFriendDonkey Sat 26-May-18 10:43:51

Your not 100% sure as it hasn't been confirmed so the surprise will be if you do know

cdtaylornats Sat 26-May-18 10:45:43

In shock news Sonographer is human

AnnieOH1 Sat 26-May-18 10:47:07

I echo what FlyingFruit has said, maybe it's a sign of the patriarchy but many say he with no regard to gender iyswim. So I wouldn't necessarily think you knew anymore than you knew it was a boy or a girl flowers

Emmageddon Sat 26-May-18 10:47:11

I got told my baby boy was healthy at a 36 week scan (baby was thought to be breech) and I didn't want to know the sex either. 4 weeks later, my baby girl was born - much to the disappointment of her two big brothers who were looking forward to another boy. It was the obstetrician himself who scanned me too.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Sat 26-May-18 10:47:12

Op thing is, you don"t know. He didn't say it was a boy. Lots of people use he as a default pronoun. (I mean I think you are prob right but you don't know.)

Also DD1 ' was a boy' at our 20w scan. Only she wasn't! The point us even if the sonographer thinks he saw boy buts he could be wrong.

So you can continue to say you don't know .....cos you don't!

BlackRibboner Sat 26-May-18 10:47:35

My sonographer referred to 'her' leg at a late point in the scan (having earlier just used baby's this, baby's that). I was convinced they'd let the cat out of the bag, but dc was a bouncing baby boy. So it might just have been habit from the sonographer.

Hygge Sat 26-May-18 10:47:36

A similar thing happened to me.

I told them I didn't want to know, they said they weren't even going to look.

Then they looked without warning me and I was looking at the screen and could tell.

It was three weeks before the birth, and I didn't tell anybody else that I know. I wasn't disappointed in my baby but I was disappointed that I knew before the birth.

We hadn't had the best history, nothing had gone to plan or been normal, so I think I was a bit deflated that this last normal thing had also not gone to plan or been how we'd imagined it and that I had to keep a secret so at least everyone else got the surprise after the birth.

SexyManatee Sat 26-May-18 10:47:54

Tell DP. He'll be happy. It will be nice and it might ease your annoyance a bit.

JingleJelly Sat 26-May-18 10:50:46

@cdtaylornats of course. Nobody has said anything bad about the sonographer have they?

mynamechangemyrules Sat 26-May-18 10:51:28

My obstetrician did the same, after a miscarriage at 20wks, first scan for next pregnancy I said I didn't want to find out as we were on to 5th pregnancy and 4 preceding were boys so I reckoned it would be another. He said, 'not this time!'
I pointed out he'd just told me what sex it was, he was adamant he hadn't confused
I was so stressed about getting said baby to birth that basically forgot all about it until the tiny little girlie was born, a year ago.
Anyway, YANBU, but as you've already said, in the grander scheme of things, it doesn't matter. Good luck xx

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