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AIBU?

To not miss him that much?

18 replies

myheart · 26/05/2018 00:11

My Dh has gone away and I’m finding that I don’t miss him as much as I probably should.

I like alone time anyway, I’m not someone who needs to be surrounded by people all the time. I do miss him in that it would be nice to have a little interaction. But it is nice to have chilled time, I can get on with doing things that I need to do, I am allowed to watch what I want on tv etc.

We have gone through a rough patch recently and I came very close to leaving him. He said some truly terrible things which I have forgiven but don’t know if I can forget. They really knocked my self-esteem. He also got very angry and whilst not violent to me he smashed some things in our house on a few occasions. He doesn’t normally drink too much but when he goes out he is always on a mission to get wasted and this brings out the more aggressive side in him. I now dread going out with him if there is alcohol involved, no amount of talking to him changes his behaviour.
Does anyone else feel this way when their partner goes away? I do love him and I do miss him in some ways, I just wish he would put more effort into the relationship and respect my needs more. Then maybe I would miss him more I don’t know.

OP posts:

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myheart · 26/05/2018 13:53

Anyone?

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DanielCraigsUnderpants · 26/05/2018 13:58

When I stopped missing my husband when he wasn't around it was a sign things weren't great. When I dreaded him coming home I knew it was time to leave.

Sounds like you're not very happy. You're unreasonable to not miss him.

Longdistance · 26/05/2018 14:03

I never miss my dh when he’s away.

But, technically, I used to have career where I was away a lot, so it didn’t bother us.

If you’ve had a rough time, it’s probably a nice bit of breathing space.

myheart · 26/05/2018 14:40

Yes I think it is needed breathing space. Just hard to know if I would prefer this long term.

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DanielCraigsUnderpants · 26/05/2018 15:27

Sorry mine meant to say you're NOT unreasonable to not miss him.

SoyDora · 26/05/2018 15:29

Yes I miss mine when he goes away, but that’s because he doesn’t verbally abuse me and smash things around the house.
YANBU to feel the way you do.

Shoxfordian · 26/05/2018 15:37

I wouldn't miss someone being aggressive and smashing up the house either. I think you should make this a more permanent separation .

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/05/2018 15:41

Yanbu to miss your H when he's away at all, I love having the house to myself but his recent behaviour sounds awful OP.

Take this time apart to assess if you really want to be with someone like this though.

bakingdemon · 26/05/2018 16:47

How long is he away for? I find when my DH goes away on business I quite like having the house to myself (and being able to tidy up properly!) for a few days but after that I miss him like crazy

myheart · 26/05/2018 16:59

He is away with work for a week

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FeckinCrunchiesInTheCar · 26/05/2018 17:30

i'd use this time to sort myself out, if I were you. he sounds horrible. i'd end it with him.

Itscurtainsforyou · 26/05/2018 17:33

I would definitely be using this week to make arrangements to split. Do you have children? See if you can get a free half hour with a solicitor.

Catmum26 · 26/05/2018 17:34

I think how you feel when he comes back will be telling. You’re not unreasonable to feel like you need space, especially if your relationship hasn’t been great.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 26/05/2018 17:37

I am lucky to have a fantastic relationship now, but when hes away for a couple of days, I don't miss him, I just enjoy the time to myself. I'm always glad when he comes home though.

However,

With my ex husband, when he went away for work, I was absolutely ecstatic as it meant no drunken arsehole in the house every single night, no drama, no verbal abuse, and no smashed furniture, and I didnt have to walk around on eggshells all the time. It made me realise I needed to get out. Which I did.

I think the latter applies to you as well OP.

MissStegosaurus · 26/05/2018 17:43

Think about him coming home early. How do you feel?

myheart · 26/05/2018 22:12

Thanks.
I honestly don't know.
I was so close to leaving him but when it came to it I just didn't feel that I could. We have the same arguments over and over again, he overreacts says nasty things and then I address it and he says it won't happen again. It always does. I feel resigned to it now.

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CrispbuttyNo1 · 26/05/2018 22:52

Please don’t be resigned to it. Why should you put up with it? You only get one life. I wasted 13 years with my ex husband. I regret every single moment of it. But I am so much happier, relaxed, and enjoying life now I’m rid of him and in a relationship with someone who makes me feel safe and loved.

myheart · 26/05/2018 23:31

I feel safe and loved at times but not all the time. I don't know, I don't think I am brave enough to leave in all honesty.
In my experience so far it seems like no relationship is perfect and if I left him another relationship would be just as bad but maybe in different ways.

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