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To make this offer (funeral-related)

(18 Posts)
ReanimatedSGB Fri 25-May-18 20:58:22

I don't know if it would be seen as intrusive, or as helpful.
One of the things I do (I have several part-time/ad hoc lines of work) is being a funeral celebrant. I heard today that someone I know has died: this person was not religious and we had a similar worldview as well as a professional connection. Is the MN verdict that it would be pushy and rude to offer my services, or do you all think it might be appreciated? (The first time I did this was when a good mate died, a few years ago, and her family were very glad to have someone who had actually known her.)

Ohyesiam Fri 25-May-18 20:59:24

I think it would be appreciated. I’d like it.

Magmatic80 Fri 25-May-18 21:04:48

I would appreciate it too, I think it would mean a lot to have someone conduct who knew the person.

SomeKnobend Fri 25-May-18 21:22:25

Just make it clear if you're offering to do it for free or if you're charging. It'd be very bad if they thought you were offering for free out of friendship and then you send them a bill!

rumbelina Fri 25-May-18 21:28:15

My dad had a non-religious funeral and I’d have LOVED it if someone who knew him had offered to do the service, even if I’d never met them before.

UpstartCrow Fri 25-May-18 21:29:57

I'd love that, to make the service more personal.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Fri 25-May-18 21:34:55

I think that’s fine to offer. If you know any other celebrants you could offer a recommendation as an alternative (at the same time).

GinIsIn Fri 25-May-18 21:39:40

We had someone offer when we had my grandparents’ funeral. She was great and really helped us!

ReanimatedSGB Fri 25-May-18 22:13:13

Oh I'd be doing it for free - I don't charge mates.

Ellendegeneres Fri 25-May-18 22:18:27

I’d have loved this for my dsis funeral. Luckily it was family who did hers, won’t go into detail but it was so thoughtfully done and really made it so much more personal and I’m sure she’d have appreciated who it was performed by

Ellendegeneres Fri 25-May-18 22:19:40

Sorry when I say I would have- it wasn’t a family section I knew- it was her family not mine. Half siblings

bellabasset Fri 25-May-18 22:23:08

It sounds a thoughtful and caring offer which the family may well appreciate

Perpetualstateofchaos Fri 25-May-18 22:27:58

I would really appreciate it. Someone knowing the loved one would make the service much more personal rather than reading from a script pronouncing names wrong

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Fri 25-May-18 22:53:08

When my father died suddenly, a friend’s father, who was a minister, offered to take his funeral service - it was such a kind gesture, and I felt incredibly touched by it - it meant such a lot.

In the event, dad’s funeral was at his local church and the vicar there took it - but it meant a lot that he’d offered.

ReanimatedSGB Fri 25-May-18 23:57:20

Thank you, you're all lovely. I'll message a mutual pal in the morning and make the offer.

JAMMFYesPlease Sat 26-May-18 01:21:57

One of our family friends is a vicar and he has always done the funerals for the family. It's always lovely to have someone who knew the deceased and spent time with the person/family. In your and your late friend's circumstances id be really honored and touched at the offer and it would definitely be accepted without the feeling of pushiness or rudeness. It's such a difficult time and a close connection like this makes all the difference.

redshoeblueshoe Sat 26-May-18 01:28:59

That is so kind. When my DB died it was so lovely - that at such a very sad time, his service was done by his very good friend. You a doing something that will help the family so much, whilst their hearts are breaking, they will never forget your kindness flowers

Nikephorus Sat 26-May-18 08:24:44

I think it's fine as long as you do it in a way that gives them the opportunity to say no i.e. if you message them as you've said that's fine because they can think about it and get back to you, but if you do it face to face they might feel obliged to say yes when actually they want to say no for whatever reason.

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