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Friend is other woman

(65 Posts)
MrsChuckBass Fri 25-May-18 08:16:00

I found out by chance that my friend is seeing a man who is in a long term relationship and the girlfriend (gf) has no idea.
Background: friend is 20, MM is 20 gf is 19. Friend thinks this makes it excusable, MM and gf been together over 2 years and gf is under the impression they have a solid future together
I don't know MM and gf personally just from what friend has told me.
Friend tells me she doesn't care at all about what happens if gf finds out and doesn't feel bad for what she is doing as she think she is doing nothing wrong
AIBU to be absolutely disgusted and to tell her so? Or shall I keep my own counsel?
(I am not 20 I'm older and married with DCs so maybe have a different view post from friend)

Dons1975 Fri 25-May-18 08:18:56

I don’t understand what makes it excusable??

I would back away from the friendship she doesn’t sound very nice at all

ButchyRestingFace Fri 25-May-18 08:20:21

What does MM stand for? Are they married?

MrsChuckBass Fri 25-May-18 08:26:41

Oh sorry no for the confusion!! MM is the man in the relationship but they're not married.

MissionItsPossible Fri 25-May-18 08:27:48

Are they married or in a long term relationship? Not that it is excusable either way but apart from married man all I can think MM is Meghan Markle

MrsChuckBass Fri 25-May-18 08:30:58

Donsmy firned thinks is okay because they are young and apparently won't stay together!
And sorry all MM is the man in the long term relationship

MrsChuckBass Fri 25-May-18 08:32:05

She knows she is wrong because she wasn't going to tell me I found out by chance, if she thought it was okay I doubt she would be keeping it a secret

Butterymuffin Fri 25-May-18 08:35:33

You won't change her mind I suspect but she is wrong. Ask her why her 'man' isn't breaking up with his girlfriend now, if it's so inevitable? Answer is of course that he likes having his cake and eating it.

lunar1 Fri 25-May-18 08:36:21

She wouldn't be my friend any longer, I know that's not a popular opinion on here but I'd cut ties with her.

MrsChuckBass Fri 25-May-18 08:37:42

Lunar that is what I'm thinking to be honest, I find it disgusting

BrownTurkey Fri 25-May-18 08:37:54

If she mentions it I would say I think you’re doing the wrong thing, then change the subject. And it would affect my opinion of her, but then my friends raising an eyebrow when I was making life mistakes helped me sort myself out. Apart from anything else I would wonder why she is happy to share him, happy to date a liar, happy to put her sexual health in his hands.

flumpybear Fri 25-May-18 08:40:11

Kinda typical of essentially very young adults not taking responsibility or perhaps he's not happy with GF but doesn't have the experience or guts to split up

I'd tell her to have a bit more self respect to be honest but they're learning about relationships I suppose

WhiteCoyote Fri 25-May-18 08:45:02

To be honest I’d be absolutely disgusted with her and let her know. But then I do tend to be a bit too honest with my friends.

MrsChuckBass Fri 25-May-18 08:48:10

I'll try and shut the conversation down if she brings it up Turkey that's a good idea

Juells Fri 25-May-18 08:49:30

She wouldn't be my friend, but I'd also point out to her that she's second best. So is the gf, of course sad The only winner in the situation is the boyfriend who's sitting pretty.

ShirleyPhallus Fri 25-May-18 08:52:43

because they are young and apparently won't stay together!

I don’t think it’s excusable but I do think this is true

NeedsAsockamnesty Fri 25-May-18 08:53:53

I wouldn’t stay friends with her. And if was being th one behaving badly I would want my friends to judge me and act accordingly because that’s what real friends do

daffodillament Fri 25-May-18 09:01:55

Cold hearted home wrecker. I would distance myself pronto.

TheDrinksAreOnMe Fri 25-May-18 09:09:01

Agreed with daffodillament

Tell her why and watch her shit her pants when she realises you arent her friend anymore and owe her no loyalties

expatinscotland Fri 25-May-18 09:09:22

Oh, dear god! 'MM', he's a kid who has a girlfriend who's still a teenager. He's not married! I'd tell your friend she's being stupid, but hey, most people are at that age.

TheDrinksAreOnMe Fri 25-May-18 09:10:06

Also - can I just point out - victims of affairs don't think highly of people who knew about affairs - they look like supporters.

SoupDragon Fri 25-May-18 09:10:43

She wouldn't be my friend any longer, I know that's not a popular opinion on here but I'd cut ties with her.

Me too.

BlooperReel Fri 25-May-18 09:14:37

I would ask her what makes him such a catch that she is willing to share him, and risk her sexual health. Plus if he does leave his gf 'for her', why would you want such a duplicitous snake?

emmyrose2000 Fri 25-May-18 09:17:17

I could't, and wouldn't, stay friends with such a disgusting person. Her attitude is almost worse than the relationship.

I bet if the guy does leave his current gf, your "friend" will suddenly decide to cut him loose, as there'll no longer be any "thrill" in the chase, so to speak. My guess is that she's the type who likes going after men already in relationships and gets a thrill out of trying to get them to choose her over their current partner. Utterly despicable.

Dontknowwhatimdoing Fri 25-May-18 09:21:59

I agree with what expat said, they are still little more than children. Yes its stupid, but I have to confess I did similar at that age. I'm not proud of it, but people do silly things when they are young. They will probably all grow up and settle down in time.

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