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AIBU?

To not want to give my ex husband half of my savings

188 replies

cushion53 · 25/05/2018 07:21

I bought a house 14 years ago. My husband insisted on having his name on the title deed. He gave up his job to be a house husband and I worked to pay for everything, bills, school fees, mortgage everything. He was a useless deadbeat dad, drank all day, never helped in the house so I ended up doing my full time job and most of the home stuff as well. We finally parted ways very very bitterly. The house was sold and the proceeds are in my bank account. He's moved to another country where he still has no job. He's demanding that I give him half of the proceeds from the house. I am still working and paying to support my kids who are now in uni. We are officially divorced. Because of where we live the judgement involved him paying me money, which I never persued. I'm prepared to send him a monthly stipend but my lawyer here says I'm not even obliged by law to do that. He sends me threatening whatsapp messages demanding 'his money'. If I block him he pesters our daughter. AIBU to keep the money where it is and invest it carefully for my kids future? Or send him his half to be squandered on booze?

OP posts:
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 25/05/2018 07:23

Did you get a clean break order when you divorced?

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork · 25/05/2018 07:23

What's the difference between what he was supposed to pay you in the divorce and what he's asking for from you now? Say you'll take it out of the money he legally owes you!

Cuttingthegrass · 25/05/2018 07:25

Do what your lawyer says

NewYearNewMe18 · 25/05/2018 07:30

Because of where we live the judgement involved him paying me money, which I never persued.

You seem an intelligent woman. Follow the court order.

cushion53 · 25/05/2018 07:30

Lawyer says to get the house money he has to take me to court. And the amount he was ordered to pay me was so small it wasn't worth taking into account.

OP posts:
Puttingthefootdown · 25/05/2018 07:32

Let him take you to court! Silly man.

mummmy2017 · 25/05/2018 07:34

Tell him he agreed you would get maintenance and never bothered to pay you were told to take it from the house profits..
Then just divide what he is claiming as his share by the number of years he should have paid by 12 months and tell at that rate the money will cover his share..... per month.

SoapOnARoap · 25/05/2018 07:35

And this is why a lot of people don’t want to get married.... Must be so frustrating for you. He sounds like a prize Bell End.

00100001 · 25/05/2018 07:36

If he's as useless as he sounds, just ignore it. He won't get off hias rse and go to court

Ohsuchaperfectday · 25/05/2018 07:37

What does name on title deed have to do with anything..

ZenNudist · 25/05/2018 07:44

I think it depends on your legal position. Usually in the UK you'd have had to give half of all your assets away to each other. Especially if he was sahd. Drinking aside.

However you also have your children to support and your argument sounds reasonable. I think if you were a man posting then you'd get very different responses.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 25/05/2018 07:45

It's only the same as dozens of stay at home mums expect every day. His name on the deeds is irrelevant, you were married.

AhYerWill · 25/05/2018 07:47

Follow your solicitors advice. If you don't want to give him the money and have no legal obligation to do so, tell him to follow the correct legal process and to take you to court. just keep repeating that he needs to do things properly and given he's being aggressive and threatening, you will only discuss this via lawyers. if he pesters your daughter, give her an appropriate response she can paste in every time. he'll either get bored and stop, or take it to court.

Shmithecat · 25/05/2018 07:48

Are you in the UK OP?

FASH84 · 25/05/2018 07:48

Imagine the responses if the genders were reversed in this. Interesting.

greendale17 · 25/05/2018 07:49

It's only the same as dozens of stay at home mums expect every day. His name on the deeds is irrelevant, you were married.

^This completely. He was a stay at home dad.

Theknacktoflying · 25/05/2018 07:51

It isn’t savings - it is the proceeds from the sale of a joint house.
Surely the divorce settlement will determine what (if anything) he is owed/what happens to marital assets....

lindyhopy · 25/05/2018 07:51

If the genders were reversed and he was a stay at home mum everyone would be on her side. You can married him, you agreed for him to be a house husband he should get half.

beardymcbeardy · 25/05/2018 07:51

He is entitled to half that money. Doesn't matter that he is a useless drunk the house was a marital asset of which he was awarded half and now you are depriving him of it (If I am reading your post correct). If you were a man this thread would be full by now of woman tearing you a new one for being an greedy arsehole.

SusanneLinder · 25/05/2018 07:51

Imagine the responses if the genders were reversed in this. Interesting
My thoughts exactly

Bodicea · 25/05/2018 07:54

The equity in the house was earned before you were married not during the marriage so no I don’t think you owe him it.
And presumably he isn’t going to pay child maintenance going forward so tell him that money is going towards raising his kids.

Thewhale2903 · 25/05/2018 07:57

If this was the other way around then everyone would back the woman looking for half of this money, however, like the OP said he was a deadbeat dad who Dean all day.
If he wants half of that money he will have to take you to court. I think the more important matter here is that he is harnessing you and your children. Perhaps you should look in my I a restraining order. If he wants to take you to court then he can but I doubt he will. If he does and the court decides give him half then give him half until then don't.

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Thewhale2903 · 25/05/2018 07:58

*drank

Thewhale2903 · 25/05/2018 07:58

*harrasing

Wheresthebeach · 25/05/2018 07:58

You were married so the money is his. You don't get to judge if he's worthy of it.

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