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To not want to give my ex husband half of my savings

(189 Posts)
cushion53 Fri 25-May-18 07:21:05

I bought a house 14 years ago. My husband insisted on having his name on the title deed. He gave up his job to be a house husband and I worked to pay for everything, bills, school fees, mortgage everything. He was a useless deadbeat dad, drank all day, never helped in the house so I ended up doing my full time job and most of the home stuff as well. We finally parted ways very very bitterly. The house was sold and the proceeds are in my bank account. He's moved to another country where he still has no job. He's demanding that I give him half of the proceeds from the house. I am still working and paying to support my kids who are now in uni. We are officially divorced. Because of where we live the judgement involved him paying me money, which I never persued. I'm prepared to send him a monthly stipend but my lawyer here says I'm not even obliged by law to do that. He sends me threatening whatsapp messages demanding 'his money'. If I block him he pesters our daughter. AIBU to keep the money where it is and invest it carefully for my kids future? Or send him his half to be squandered on booze?

NewDOOFUSfor18 Fri 25-May-18 07:23:07

Did you get a clean break order when you divorced?

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork Fri 25-May-18 07:23:35

What's the difference between what he was supposed to pay you in the divorce and what he's asking for from you now? Say you'll take it out of the money he legally owes you!

Cuttingthegrass Fri 25-May-18 07:25:11

Do what your lawyer says

NewYearNewMe18 Fri 25-May-18 07:30:25

* Because of where we live the judgement involved him paying me money, which I never persued.*

You seem an intelligent woman. Follow the court order.

cushion53 Fri 25-May-18 07:30:32

Lawyer says to get the house money he has to take me to court. And the amount he was ordered to pay me was so small it wasn't worth taking into account.

Puttingthefootdown Fri 25-May-18 07:32:47

Let him take you to court! Silly man.

mummmy2017 Fri 25-May-18 07:34:05

Tell him he agreed you would get maintenance and never bothered to pay you were told to take it from the house profits..
Then just divide what he is claiming as his share by the number of years he should have paid by 12 months and tell at that rate the money will cover his share..... per month.

SoapOnARoap Fri 25-May-18 07:35:31

And this is why a lot of people don’t want to get married.... Must be so frustrating for you. He sounds like a prize Bell End.

00100001 Fri 25-May-18 07:36:49

If he's as useless as he sounds, just ignore it. He won't get off hias rse and go to court

Ohsuchaperfectday Fri 25-May-18 07:37:45

What does name on title deed have to do with anything..

ZenNudist Fri 25-May-18 07:44:31

I think it depends on your legal position. Usually in the UK you'd have had to give half of all your assets away to each other. Especially if he was sahd. Drinking aside.

However you also have your children to support and your argument sounds reasonable. I think if you were a man posting then you'd get very different responses.

Whatshallidonowpeople Fri 25-May-18 07:45:35

It's only the same as dozens of stay at home mums expect every day. His name on the deeds is irrelevant, you were married.

AhYerWill Fri 25-May-18 07:47:26

Follow your solicitors advice. If you don't want to give him the money and have no legal obligation to do so, tell him to follow the correct legal process and to take you to court. just keep repeating that he needs to do things properly and given he's being aggressive and threatening, you will only discuss this via lawyers. if he pesters your daughter, give her an appropriate response she can paste in every time. he'll either get bored and stop, or take it to court.

Shmithecat Fri 25-May-18 07:48:06

Are you in the UK OP?

FASH84 Fri 25-May-18 07:48:24

Imagine the responses if the genders were reversed in this. Interesting.

greendale17 Fri 25-May-18 07:49:53

*It's only the same as dozens of stay at home mums expect every day. His name on the deeds is irrelevant, you were married.*

^This completely. He was a stay at home dad.

Theknacktoflying Fri 25-May-18 07:51:11

It isn’t savings - it is the proceeds from the sale of a joint house.
Surely the divorce settlement will determine what (if anything) he is owed/what happens to marital assets....

lindyhopy Fri 25-May-18 07:51:22

If the genders were reversed and he was a stay at home mum everyone would be on her side. You can married him, you agreed for him to be a house husband he should get half.

beardymcbeardy Fri 25-May-18 07:51:23

He is entitled to half that money. Doesn't matter that he is a useless drunk the house was a marital asset of which he was awarded half and now you are depriving him of it (If I am reading your post correct). If you were a man this thread would be full by now of woman tearing you a new one for being an greedy arsehole.

SusanneLinder Fri 25-May-18 07:51:29

Imagine the responses if the genders were reversed in this. Interesting
My thoughts exactly

Bodicea Fri 25-May-18 07:54:08

The equity in the house was earned before you were married not during the marriage so no I don’t think you owe him it.
And presumably he isn’t going to pay child maintenance going forward so tell him that money is going towards raising his kids.

Thewhale2903 Fri 25-May-18 07:57:49

If this was the other way around then everyone would back the woman looking for half of this money, however, like the OP said he was a deadbeat dad who Dean all day.
If he wants half of that money he will have to take you to court. I think the more important matter here is that he is harnessing you and your children. Perhaps you should look in my I a restraining order. If he wants to take you to court then he can but I doubt he will. If he does and the court decides give him half then give him half until then don't.

Thewhale2903 Fri 25-May-18 07:58:08


Thewhale2903 Fri 25-May-18 07:58:30


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