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To think this woman is using stress leave for chilling out?

(285 Posts)
Skylight23 Fri 25-May-18 03:48:02

Not a friend, I know her quite well because her DS and mine have been friends for a long time. She is a doctor with NHS and her DH has a city job.
She has been on and off on stress leave for a few weeks. Her younger DS is doing 11plus this year and her brother’s family is visiting them for 2weeks (from USA). She told me the other day that she is struggling to manage everything and she might go to the GP and cry to get some time off. She has been shopping, spending time with her brother’s family. Also hot housing the younger one with tutors. She can’t take him to this particular tutor if she works (tuition 4pm to 6pm). So much for being stressed! She isn’t stressed. She just has soo many other things that she wants to do, that work is coming in the way! I won’t be surprised if she gets stressed again in August (school holidays, summer days on the beach, 11plus, childcare costs). She always hated the fact that she has to work (in debt to eyeballs). She gets really pissed about her DH not making enough for the lifestyle they want. Makes jealous comments about SAHMs at school.

AIBU to want to report her? I must admit I’m jealous. I too wanted time off when DS was doing 11plus, I too wanted paid time off when my family visited (without having to use my holiday entitlement), I too want time to generally chill out. But my conscience won’t permit this “crying at the GP” thing.

user546425732 Fri 25-May-18 03:51:39

I'm not surprised that she's not your friend if that's what you are like.
You have no idea what is going on in her life behind closed doors.

AltheaorDonna Fri 25-May-18 03:53:44

What do you think stress is? She sounds pretty stressed to me! And what better to do if stressed than try to relax? I don't really understand your problem.

ToesInWater Fri 25-May-18 03:56:06

Report her to who? You are the one who sounds jealous (and a total bitch!)

Namechangedname Fri 25-May-18 03:57:32

Did your son repeat all of this info back to you?

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Fri 25-May-18 03:58:09

Wow, you sound utterly repulsive. You don’t know about her personal life or whether she’s stressed or not. How she manages her job and her time is none if your business. Get a life of your own.

Clandestino Fri 25-May-18 04:01:20

BU. In debt up to eyeballs? I would be stressed too. Get your own life, you sound like a proper meddling twit.

Skylight23 Fri 25-May-18 04:04:27

Oh wow, the kind of abuse I’m getting on here!

Stress is a part of modern life and it’s partly down to the choices we make. I work a stressful job too - we live within our means and manage stress by making choices that suit the circumstances. I’m not a bitch. She is! She clearly wanted time off, but didn’t have any holiday left. So crying at the GP thing works. She works for the NHS, so she knows how to play the system.
I know this isn’t about stress, because she moaned about how little holiday NHS gives just weeks ago.

traumwerk Fri 25-May-18 04:05:03

A) Isn't 'chilling out' the point of stress leave?
B) Who would you even report her to?
C) Get a grip and maybe deal with your own issues first before you start being so critical of others.

Flaminglingos Fri 25-May-18 04:06:58

You're a charming individual....not. Do you have any friends at all? Who are you going to report her to? Is she committing any crimes?


Skylight23 Fri 25-May-18 04:08:36

I got really stressed when my DS was taking 11plus. Should I have taken stress leave then? 11plus is a choice he made. Is it fair To expect my employer to pay for it ?
Her brother visiting her, house full of relatives etc are choices! It’s not work related stress! Stress caused by the choices she made.

Flaminglingos Fri 25-May-18 04:10:06

Yes but who are you going to report her to?

Skylight23 Fri 25-May-18 04:10:42

Chilling out IS the point of stress leave. It’s not for planned family gatherings surely? You’d use your holiday entitlement for that?

HoppingPavlova Fri 25-May-18 04:11:17

Report her for what exactly? She has seen a Dr who has certified she needs to be off work due to stress. Unless you have medical qualifications I'm not sure your view of things trumps theirs. You are extremely odd and sound jealous and vindictive.

Skylight23 Fri 25-May-18 04:12:04

NHS whistleblowing?

Skylight23 Fri 25-May-18 04:13:46

Yep, stress caused by lifestyle choices.

I’m really stressed that I have to spend £2000 on childcare this summer. I’d rather spend that money on a holiday. Stress leave??

whywhywhywhywhyyy Fri 25-May-18 04:14:11

Report her to who? A doctor has signed her off as far as I can tell from your post, how do you think you know more than them? For all you know the source of her stress is something she can't tell you because it involves patient confidentiality.

Who gives a shit how she spends her leave.

AltheaorDonna Fri 25-May-18 04:14:25

But what are you going to say? I'm reporting this person for being stressed on stress leave, but its not the right kind of stress? Give your head a wobble.

HoppingPavlova Fri 25-May-18 04:14:47

Also, you don't seem to understand what stress leave is. Your job doesn't have to be causing you stress in order to take stress leave from your job. You need to be stressed (from whatever cause) such that you can't properly function in your job.

Skylight23 Fri 25-May-18 04:17:36

If I need 2 jobs to fund my lifestyle, it’s a choice. Many SAHMs plan, budget and live within means to be able to have the time for things they want to do as a family.

HoppingPavlova Fri 25-May-18 04:19:38

I’m really stressed that I have to spend £2000 on childcare this summer. I’d rather spend that money on a holiday. Stress leave??

Well, yes possibly. If this is genuinely causing you stress to the point you can't function properly AND your Dr certifies that you are stressed to the extent you can't function in your job then you too may be eligible for stress leave. But given that does not appear to be the case good luck with that! You know the sayings, jealousy is a curse, be careful what you wish for and so on.

Skylight23 Fri 25-May-18 04:21:21

Right, so help me understand this stress leave thing better please?

Am I actually entitled to take stress leave for my DDs 11plus exams next year? I will be stressed then. I know I will be. I thought I had to save my holiday entitlement for that? We even planned NOT to go on holidays next year so I could buy some extra time off too.
Should I be using stress leave for this?

HoppingPavlova Fri 25-May-18 04:25:01

You just don't get it.

Sure, for some people their choices may not be ideal. They may lead to mental breakdowns. They may lead to stress. They may lead to addictions. So following on from your weird thinking people who have mental breakdowns, possibly caused by a bad financial decision at some point or what not that keeps compounding or those with addictions (cause you know - choice!) should be denied treatment. Because it's all due to their choices and they should have made better ones! Really.............

Actually, do go ahead and complain. Be sure to put all of your warped thinking down in the complaint and also be sure to include how you would set certifying criteria etc. It will give someone some eye exercise for the day.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Fri 25-May-18 04:26:05

If your GP signs you off then yes. Not rocket science is it?

user546425732 Fri 25-May-18 04:28:06

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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