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To think this is morally wrong

(49 Posts)
Hoppinggreen Thu 24-May-18 20:51:50

A&B are unmarried but have been together for 25 years and have lived together for 20.they have grown up dc but none together.
They buy a property abroad with C ( child of B)
Suddenly B leaves A for another man. A is a bit of a grumpy old fart and C has no issue with B leaving him, although he isn’t very happy about how it was done.
A&B are initially quite civil but A is now getting a bit bitter about it all ( he is now in his 70’s and his health isn’t great so B has been looking after him)
6 months after the split B wants to take her new man to visit the property, she doesn’t want A to know. C is unhappy about this for the following reasons
1. C is currently in negotiations with A as to how the property etc will be managed going forwards or whether it needs to be sold. A has no one else to go on holiday with so doesn’t want to keep paying for something he won’t use. A loves the property and the fact he feels he can no longer go is upsetting him. C doesn’t want to antagonise A at the moment as they need his cooperation. C wants to keep the propertybut how this will happen is subject to discussion A and C have always had a reasonable relationship
2. C feels it’s a bit unfair that B is taking new man to a place where B&C used to spend so much time together only a few months after the split - seems a bit tacky .
Trying to,prevent A finding out is also a bit sneaky. C knew nothing about the new man until B had left A so has so far not colluded in any sneaking around

Who if anyone is BU

SometimesMaybe Thu 24-May-18 20:54:52

A is unreasonable. I think the best thing to do is sell the property pronto.

category12 Thu 24-May-18 20:57:00

Sell it or buy out A.

WindsweptNotInteresting Thu 24-May-18 20:58:24

I think B is being a bit unreasonable by taking the new man there when it is a property jointly owned by her ex and knowing he can't go. I agree they should sell, maybe B and C can buy somewhere on their own without A (unless he's the one with most of the money of course?!)

Hoppinggreen Thu 24-May-18 20:58:45

Should have said there is a mortgage on it and it’s in negative equity.
Buying anyone out is a later issue my AIBU is should B take new man secretly

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 24-May-18 21:00:18

B is unreasonable. Two thirds of the owners don’t think the OM should go to the property.

I think it would be decent of B to wait until the ownership question is decided.

WindsweptNotInteresting Thu 24-May-18 21:00:37

Well legally she's entitled to, but it's a bit unkind I guess as A isn't in a position to.

Hoppinggreen Thu 24-May-18 21:00:40

Also, due to a few reasons the property is unlikely to sell quickly.
Similar ones have been for sale for over a year

CoughLaughFart Thu 24-May-18 21:01:15

B has already banged D behind A’s back before ditching A. What makes you think B will suddenly grow a conscience now?

Hoppinggreen Thu 24-May-18 21:01:46

Unfortunately B has “found her soulmate” and isn’t listening to reason at the moment

category12 Thu 24-May-18 21:03:17

No she shouldn't take new man there secretly - it's patronising. He'll figure it out.

She's entitled to take the new bloke there, I suppose, but it's in poor taste.

Is there nobody at all that might like to go with A?

DangerousBeanz Thu 24-May-18 21:03:26

No. I don't think B should take the new man or ask C to cover up for her. I think that B is being incredibly disrespectful in both considering going behind A's back to a house he owns and asking C to lie for her.

category12 Thu 24-May-18 21:04:33

And no, C shouldn't cover up for her.

shakeyourcaboose Thu 24-May-18 21:06:41

B's behaviour is grim and being an arsenal. Why the need to visit?

icelollycraving Thu 24-May-18 21:08:00

B. I assume you are C.

NotTerfNorCis Thu 24-May-18 21:12:12

I feel sorry for A. He's in his seventies, in poor health and has lost his family and now a house he loves.

Mirrorwriting Thu 24-May-18 21:14:20

YANBU. It’s morally wrong.

VladmirsPoutine Thu 24-May-18 21:16:50

Poor A. Are you C?

If the property isn't going to sell for a while yet then I suppose there's time for relations between all parties to cool down.

LooksBetterWithAFilter Thu 24-May-18 21:17:33

I think keeping it a secret is a bad idea particularly asking someone else to collude in those lies is wrong. While I think B was unreasonable to have an affair they were not wrong to end a relationship they were unhappy in. They part own the property and as such they can go there is they want with whom they want. Even if they choose to sell as you say property in the area isn’t selling so does this mean the even if it is on the market nobody should use it. Seems like a waste of money if everyone is paying for it and nobody is allowed to use it. But like I said I don’t think asking anyone to collude in lies is on.

Italiangreyhound Thu 24-May-18 21:19:03

No, B should not take C secretly.

Either get an agreement to take C.

Or all go together, bit weird but then it is all a bit unusual.

Hoppinggreen Thu 24-May-18 21:22:18

notterf C does to a certain extent, even if on a personal level he’s not her favourite person . He’s a typical grumpy old fart and the split is partly his fault but because of his behaviour his family don’t bother with him much and the friends were all B’s
Nobody is saying the property shouldn’t be used, it’s just B taking new man that C objects to. B has been with another family member which C didn’t have an issue with

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Thu 24-May-18 21:23:06

I would just ask your mum to wait until the ownership has been resolved, and aim to do that ASAP (guessing you are C).

ArchchancellorsHat Thu 24-May-18 21:23:56

B sounds rather self absorbed. C is uncomfortable and A would be upset if he knew. B should find another place to take the new man, rather than use the property.

teaandtoast Thu 24-May-18 21:25:39

As co-owners, can't you divvy up the weeks like a time share?
And then who takes anybody is no-one else's business.

greenlynx Thu 24-May-18 21:25:57

And she probably feels herself that it's not right to take new man to the property that's why she doesn't want A to know about it.

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