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Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

(987 Posts)
strawberryperogi Thu 24-May-18 17:10:28

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

Pengggwn Thu 24-May-18 17:11:40

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

No. Never. Spawn of the devil, aren't they?


52FestiveRoad Thu 24-May-18 17:11:50

I was a sahm. I now work. I don't think anything about either situation. It is personal choice and circumstances.

MVLipwig Thu 24-May-18 17:13:40

I would struggle tbh, I get on more with driven people who have specific goals and they tend to be career related. I just couldn't get my head around it (health reasons excluded). That said I've never actually met one so maybe I should get my head out of my arse?

TheHulksPurplePanties Thu 24-May-18 17:14:31

So you mean women with no children and no job...honestly I would wonder what they do with their day. There's probably not much they could say that would make me respect them barring studying or illness.

MVLipwig Thu 24-May-18 17:15:27

Just to clarify I'm not talking about SAHM, I'm talking about people supported by partners who don't have responsibilities at home (children, elderly relatives, etc)

Ohmydayslove Thu 24-May-18 17:15:31

i know you would all say it’s unemployed

Why? No each to their own choice.


Respectfully yes you should and you know you should. grin

TheHulksPurplePanties Thu 24-May-18 17:16:04

Name change fail op

Ohmydayslove Thu 24-May-18 17:16:47


Charity work? No respect there? No value?

Camomila Thu 24-May-18 17:17:21

That’ll be my mum then so yes.

She worked while we were young, then was a SAHM for a few years while we settled into a new country, then got cancer, by the time she was well again she was early 50s and had never worked in this country so now she’s ‘just’ a housewife....who runs community yoga for free, does unpaid childcare for me, takes several elderly friends to the shops, petsits for the neighbours...

I’m sure there are thousands of other middle aged housewives up and down the country quietly helping out their grown up dc, neighbours and local communities.

Jessikita Thu 24-May-18 17:17:22

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

reluctantbrit Thu 24-May-18 17:17:29

The problem is you never know why they chose to be a SAHW.

My colleague’s wife was one for 18 months, burned out by her last job, depressed due to the loss of her parents and anxiety for her brother and his family and some physical problems.

She needed the time to recover but for most people she was just sitting around, meeting friends for coffee and lunch.

She is now working again after turning her life around.

AaronPurrSir Thu 24-May-18 17:19:34

I used to know someone who was a SAHW. No children (and none being planned), no caring/family commitments, no job. She just lived off her husband.

Being perfectly honest, I found it incredibly lazy.

PratRocket Thu 24-May-18 17:19:35

i know you would all say it’s unemployed

It is unemployed though. Unemployed doesn't mean "looking for work" it means "doesn't have work".

I think house wives busted a gut a couple generations ago to keep a house a home when you didn't have hoovers, and washing machines etc. Now there's not much to it as far as work goes unless you're married to someone especially busy or important who uses his wife as a PA or event planner.

I'd think "cockloger" is the term for the male equivalent.

WittyJack Thu 24-May-18 17:19:57

If they can afford it, it's absolutely nobody else's business!

Aquamarine1029 Thu 24-May-18 17:20:12

I have no respect for a stay at home wife. That is basically prostitution imo!

What an ignorant, disgusting thing to say.

TheHulksPurplePanties Thu 24-May-18 17:20:32

Ohmydayslove no. I don't count volunteer work. Most people do it along with childcare duties and full time jobs. Unless they're Melinda gates and running a charity dedicated to spreading their husbands billions, the odd soup kitchen day isn't going to cut it.

ScreamingValenta Thu 24-May-18 17:20:52

Assuming you are distinguishing 'stay at home wives' from 'stay at home mums' - i.e. referring only to childless women who don't work.

It would depend on the circumstances.

If they could afford to stay at home through having an independent income or a high spousal income, good for them - I'd love not to work. I'd be envious, not judgemental.

If a health or disability reason forced them to stay at home, clearly that's no reason not to respect someone. Ditto caring responsibilities for another adult.

If they had no reason not to work and were reliant on the state, I would find it had to respect them if they were not seeking work - however, it's doubtful that without the reason of childcare or health, they would be allowed to claim benefits without demonstrably looking for a job.

Camomila Thu 24-May-18 17:21:09

Unemployed does mean looking for work according to official sources. SAHW are ‘economically inactive’

AaronPurrSir Thu 24-May-18 17:21:12

I'd think "cockloger" is the term for the male equivalent

This, 100%. It works both ways.

AssassinatedBeauty Thu 24-May-18 17:21:18

Bloody hell it's not prostitution.

I would respect anyone until they did something to warrant removing my respect, whether they work or not. It's unlikely we would have much in common but that wouldn't be a barrier to being friends.

Do you think it's not possible to respect and be friends with someone who has made different choices?

NotUmbongoUnchained Thu 24-May-18 17:21:28

Me and my husband are both high earners and could very easily stay at home in either of our salaries. Instead we both have just dropped one day a week so we have a day off together when the kids are at nursery.
I don’t even think it would register as an issue if I knew someone who was a “kept partner”

Lethaldrizzle Thu 24-May-18 17:21:52

Jessikita you would have to be having sex for that- now the real heroes are the ones who don't work and don't give out wink

Bluntness100 Thu 24-May-18 17:22:03

Ive a friend who doesn't work. No kids at home. She just doesn't work through choice, she is not unemployed, because that would indicate she is seeking work. I think the term is financially inactive.

I like her very much but I couldn't do what she does. It's very much the 1950s stereotype. I value my independence too much. She cooks and cleans, she gardens, she launders, she irons, and even packs his bag for trips. But they are both happy, so you know, whatever rocks their world. She wouldn't want to do what I do either. We are all different basically and should do what's right for us.

DuchyDuke Thu 24-May-18 17:22:53

I see no difference between stay and home wifes and sahm. Both equally acceptable decisions if married and both equally stupid decisions if unmarried!

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