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To not move my DD's party

(208 Posts)
TheMonkeyMummy Thu 24-May-18 16:15:17

I have four children, 9,7,4 and 3. My DD turns 8 next week and is having her party on Saturday afternoon. It has been planned for over 8 months. We always host our own parties in the village hall, and my daughter has chosen a unicorn theme with lots of arts and crafts, for 20 of her girl friends. There has a lot of prep and planning gone into this on my part, three grandparents are travelling a considerable distance to help out and she is incredibly excited.

Another boy in her class is also having a party, at a venue 30 mins away. The mother and I spoke on May 14th, (we are friendly enough to say hi when our paths cross but not enough to go for a cuppa together). We realised the parties had a slight time overlap (we weren't invited to each other's parties) but as it would only affected a few children, I didn't think it was an issue and she didn't say anything. Both of our invitations went out the next day, as planned.

Today, with less than 46 hours to go, I have just received the following text from the other mum.

Hello MonkeyMummy, hope all is going smoothly with DD’s party planning. Unfortunately we’ve had a little hiccup with DS: I’ve heard from 5 mums this week who initially accepted but have now said their girls cannot come or will leave DS’s party early so they aren’t too late for your DD’s. Is there any way you can make the start time a bit later, say by 30 mins? I booked a 2 hour slot for the party which I tried to make earlier, but at this stage cannot change as there is no more availability. The only other available slot would actually be in conflict with your DD’s party. There’re 2 animators involved so I’m not able to be that flexible. I just think it’d be great if the girls could attend both parties & the parents would not have to rush between the two events. Please let me know if there’s anything you can do to make things easier for everyone. Many thanks!

I am working that morning, DS2 has a party straight after lunch and I don't really want a party to end later than 6, as I have to tidy up and I have a 3 year old who will start to be getting tired and clingy (only wants me, no one else). Plus we have friends driving over an hour to join us so said we would BBQ after the party, they will start that at home while I clean.

And if I am honest, I am a more than a little gobsmacked that she has even asked me to do this, esp with such short notice.

AIBU to say no?

skippy67 Thu 24-May-18 16:17:20


KinkyAfro Thu 24-May-18 16:18:10

Not your circus OP, just say no

MuddlingMackem Thu 24-May-18 16:18:45


If she new before she booked the timing of your DD's party, then it's tough really.

It's a shame for those that are invited to and want to do both, but it sounds like they'll just have to pick one.

Mascarponeandwine Thu 24-May-18 16:19:00

“Unfortunately not possible this end, but I’m sure everyone will have a great time regardless! Best wishes Monkey”

The end.

MuddlingMackem Thu 24-May-18 16:19:04

Dammit! Knew before she booked.

Dodie66 Thu 24-May-18 16:21:45

I agree. Just say no

Pancakeflipper Thu 24-May-18 16:22:04

Tbh I think that's quite a friendly fair message. She's trying to solve a problem and its a change of 30mins.

If you don't want - just don't. It is short notice.

But I'm rolling my eyes st the parent who booked a party on same day as my DS's. She booked it last minute and stopped me in the playground to ask if I could rearrange our party for another week due to the clash. Errr no. Was awkward for her DS's friends and parents though.

Lafraise Thu 24-May-18 16:22:09

You're under no obligation to make any changes, however, I would not have thought 30 mins makes that much difference in the grand scheme, I'd probably try to accommodate if I could manage it for the sake of the birthday children.

Shame though that it couldn't get sorted or nothing was said at the time it was first discussed

Whereismumhiding2 Thu 24-May-18 16:23:01

That's not an unpleasant text but it's not possible at this late stage. So..
Unfortunately not possible this end, but I’m sure everyone will have a great time regardless! Best wishes Monkey is a great reply.
Hey hum, these things happen.

Flatdilemma Thu 24-May-18 16:23:11

God this happened to us and it was awful but in reverse. Basically we had planned DC1s first ever party (they have some additional needs) and had handed invitations out weeks before for bowling and pizza hut, then the second child's Mum who wasn't close to DC1 and so hadn't been invited but knew issued hers for the same time but an all out party. I think 6 out of 8 cancelled and it was horrendous.

Did invitations definitely go out the same day? I ask as you said people had accepted and cancelled.

That said I wouldn't have asked the other Mum to change it but it did cause a lot of upset.

SensoryOverlord Thu 24-May-18 16:23:22

Ywnbu to say no.

However there's nothing in her message to be 'gobsmacked' about either, it's perfectly polite and reasonable.

MrsSpenserGregson Thu 24-May-18 16:23:22

YWNBU to say no as long as you do it politely, as the other mum's text is friendly and reasonable - she sounds nice (and it sounds as though she sent out her invitations before you, to be fair, as she had people accept but then change their minds when they knew about your DD's party). But yeah, you didn't deliberately plan a rival party or anything, so don't feel bad! Hope everyone enjoys their parties!

Lacucuracha Thu 24-May-18 16:23:36

I don't like how she puts the onus on you to 'make things easier for everyone'.

Also, people may have organised their day to attend your party on the time you put in the invite, so you could have annoyed parents in your hands.

I would say 'Sorry, but we have agreed this time with guests who may otherwise not make it and we also only have the hall booked between 4-6pm. I hope your DC has a lovely birthday.'

KinkyAfro Thu 24-May-18 16:25:20

Agree with lacs post but leave out the sorry

fanominon Thu 24-May-18 16:25:57

"What a shame - at this late stage I'm afraid changing plans isn't really possible this end either, but I hope xx has a great birthday party!"

NB If you're feeling nice (or think she might sabotage...) , you could also send out a confirming text to the parents who you think have a conflict, maybe saying you know they have xx's party too - if they are a few minutes late, not to worry (just in case she pressurises them to choose...)

arethereanyleftatall Thu 24-May-18 16:27:53

It's a friendly request, and I don't think she's u to ask. She just wants the kids to have the most fun they can, which is a nice thought.
Too much of a ball ache though, cos you'd now have to contact 20 people to see if they can all accommodate time change. So, too much hassle, just say sorry, it's too late they change.

mostdays Thu 24-May-18 16:28:56

I don't think you have to or that you would be in the wrong if you didn't, but neither do I think the other mother is being at all unreasonable by asking. I’ve heard from 5 mums this week who initially accepted but have now said their girls cannot come or will leave DS’s party early so they aren’t too late for your DD’s. I'd want to avoid 5 people not attending or leaving early from my dc's party too! Given that it's only this week that she's been told by other parents who had originally accepted the invitations that they are now withdrawing or planning to leave the first party early, I don't think it's particularly relevant who started planning when, or who booked what when, etc- because she didn't know before this week that it was going to cause such an issue.

Very rude and unkind of the other parents to now decline an invite they'd already accepted or state that they will take their dc away from the other party early, though. It gives a strong message to the other child that their party is far less important than your dd's. I'm gobsmacked by that, not by the other mother's request to you!

Whereismumhiding2 Thu 24-May-18 16:29:21

But tbh if I were you & could make my party 30 mins later, I would. Only if you could....

TheMonkeyMummy Thu 24-May-18 16:31:12

We spoke on the Monday afternoon at pick up, and I said 'finishing off the invitations for DD's party tonight, so she can hand them out tomorrow.' She said 'oh I must get organised too, I haven't done it yet.' And the conversation went from there. A few friends told me that she texted them that evening. DD handed her invites out in school the next morning, so it doesn't make sense to me either, in all honesty.

I also felt it wasn't a rude or impolite message, just rather cheeky (given the time scale).

So I have sent the following response.

Hello, I have adjusted our plans so that those who arrive at 3:30 rather than 3pm will not miss too much. Hope that helps! Monkey x

PratRocket Thu 24-May-18 16:35:12

I don't think she was unreasonable to ask as she first tried to rearrange it herself but m shocked people cancelled her party to go to yours. They are rude cheeky fuckers!

PratRocket Thu 24-May-18 16:36:14

Hello, I have adjusted our plans so that those who arrive at 3:30 rather than 3pm will not miss too much. Hope that helps! Monkey x

I think that's pretty reasonable.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Thu 24-May-18 16:39:30

I think that your response and your reaction are perfectly reasonable under the circumstances. I don't think her initial request was that bad, in all honesty, although I didn't like the emotional blackmail part of it - so I'm glad you've found a way to look as though you're accommodating the other parents/children, without actually changing anything much.

I do think it was a bit cheeky of her to ask, but I can see why she did.

Hopefully the mums/kids involved will be perfectly fine with the whole set up and be able to make up their own minds about which party they'd sooner sack off half an hour of!

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 24-May-18 16:41:17

That’s a very kind gesture imo. Far easier than trying to shift the entire party. Too many parents would forget. If she isn’t happy, I’d use the excuse of having organised something with the gps after - they’ve come a long way after all.

Branleuse Thu 24-May-18 16:45:56

i think its polite and fair that she asked, and also nice what youve offered to do. You are both lovely and polite and handled it well

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