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AIBU?

Sextortion - the fault of the man looking for sexual thrills..

66 replies

Summerinrome · 24/05/2018 14:28

I am pretty enraged listening to BBC2 with Jeremy Vine with a police officer (naturally a male police officer) describing the 'brutal' offence of sextortion. Basically when a man gets his bits out on line at the encouragement of an attractive woman on line, and then (surprise surprise) he gets bribed with the footage to stop her showing his family and friends what he is really like.

How is a man who gets his bits out on the internet and conducts grubby sexual acts a 'victim'? I have zero sympathy. It is a ridiculous term for what is basically a dirty man old man using younger women on line.

Rape and murder is 'brutal', assault is 'brutal' but getting your own codger out on line and then expecting public sympathy when it turns bad is deeply unimpressive and insulting to real victims of real crimes.

Why are we wasting tax payers money and police time on issues like this? I don't actually care that they are being bribed, it is their own fault. If you don't want to be in nasty situations keep your penis in your pants online.

The real victims of crime are completely overlooked and underfunded. Womens refuge centres are being closed down, no police officers for the people that are being burgled, a complete lack of policing everywhere and yet incredulously we can find huge amounts of money for this heinous crime against dirty old men?

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Florene · 24/05/2018 14:35

The victims are not just men. Several teenagers have been affected in my area. Would it be better to ignore them, make them feel ashamed, to the point that they cannot see a way out and do something stupid?

Or should we encourage them to ask for help, to be open, to remove the power the suspect has over them?

I also dealt with woman in her early thirties recently, who took pictures as a 16 year old that she had forgotten about, that have made their way through several sets of hands until they reached someone who tracked her down on Facebook and attempted to extort money from her. Should she not receive help either?

Sometimes people do foolish things. But they still deserve protection from offenders.

Summerinrome · 24/05/2018 14:40

It is an international network so our power to remove the offenders is limited and almost impossible in some cases, and the network I am taking about is almost solely aimed at men.

If men want to behave like this on line, then they have to accept the consequences. The way out is not to do it in the first place no?

OP posts:
Dancingtothebeat · 24/05/2018 14:40

So I take it you are also in favour of revenge porn and women’s sex videos being plastered over the net without their permission? Because it’s exactly the same thing - dissemination of footage of consensual activity without the permission of the person shown.

Fortunately we are all equal before the law and people are protected from both.

Summerinrome · 24/05/2018 14:41

How can you describe this offence as brutal? It is an insulting use of the word given that some crimes are truly that.

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Dancingtothebeat · 24/05/2018 14:42

If men want to behave like this on line, then they have to accept the consequences. The way out is not to do it in the first place no?

Okay, so if a woman has sex with her partner or has a sex chat with her online and he covertly videos it and then sticks it on porn hub it’s her fault for doing it in the first place?

You’d be fine with that too?

Summerinrome · 24/05/2018 14:43

I am not talking about revenge porn, you are mixing up the two offences.

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Whatshallidonowpeople · 24/05/2018 14:43

So only women can be victims? How sexist.

Summerinrome · 24/05/2018 14:44

No, revenge porn can work both ways for either male or female.

OP posts:
Summerinrome · 24/05/2018 14:46

I would say the same to a woman. If you don't want to be on line fodder don't let people take naked photos of you. It isn't rocket science.

There are real crimes out there that are being completely ignored, and yet we are finding the time and resources to deal with this?!

OP posts:
sundaymorningatwork · 24/05/2018 14:47

How's it different? What are the two different offences, because they sounds very similar from a legal perspective to me...

Dancingtothebeat · 24/05/2018 14:47

I’m not mixing the offences, they are the same offence.

The correct name of the law covering it is the ‘Abusive Behaviour and Sexual Harm Act’ and covers all sharing of sexual imagery without the consent of the person shown. So it is exactly the same offence.

Perhaps you should clue yourself up a little bit about things before you post about them?

FullOfJellyBeans · 24/05/2018 14:48

I think YABU. All kinds of people can be victims of this crime and it could be really traumatising for them. If these men are engaging in consensual sexual acts with women I don't see why the women should be able to extort them for money anymore than I think a young girl's boyfriend should be able to bribe her because he has video of her she wouldn't want disseminated.

I don't really see what these men have done wrong morally (they have perhaps been naive). I wouldn't want footage of my sex life being spread around my friends and family - not because it reveals "what I'm really like" but because it's personal.

sundaymorningatwork · 24/05/2018 14:49
  1. My boyfriend begged for a nude picture so I sent it to him. Now he is threatening to send it to my co-workers unless I do [x].


  1. Someone I met online asked me for a picture of my penis. Now they are threatening to send it to my wife unless I pay $1,000.


Morally these might be different, but they are exactly the same acts from a legal perspective...
FullOfJellyBeans · 24/05/2018 14:50

I would say the same to a woman. If you don't want to be on line fodder don't let people take naked photos of you. It isn't rocket science.

It is illegal to spread sexual imagery of someone without their consent, as well it should be, so while I would always advise anyone to be careful no I would not blame the victim but the perpetrator of the crime.

Summerinrome · 24/05/2018 14:59

If you are revealing yourself online to strangers and are bribed this is not the same as morally trusting a boyfriend or girlfriend in a relationship. Of course they are not the same at all. Revenge porn is almost always about hurting the other person's reputation and very rarely is extortion involved. Therefore it is not the same offence!

OP posts:
Summerinrome · 24/05/2018 15:00

The 'crime' when it comes to exposing yourself on line and being bribed is surely one of utter stupidity.

OP posts:
Summerinrome · 24/05/2018 15:01
  1. Extortion will be a charge of bribery

  2. Circulation of private sexual images with a private setting

    Two totally separate offences.
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Summerinrome · 24/05/2018 15:01

within

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jay55 · 24/05/2018 15:03

But the man thinks it is a consensual activity and the person on the other side is also participating. He’s not a flasher.

Nicknacky · 24/05/2018 15:04

I have no issue at all with police time being spent on this. It's no different to any other fraud/extortion where a person is taken in by another online and believes they are speaking to a genuine female. They are not "dirty old men" all the time and many are younger.

Men have killed themselves due to the stress of these offences. Rightly it should be investigated.

Summerinrome · 24/05/2018 15:04

At no point did I hear any kind of discussion about the poor girl that is being used for 'bait' either. Her life counts too.

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Summerinrome · 24/05/2018 15:05

How do we know she isn't being forced or coerced.

We can't find the money for victims of domestic violence but when it comes to men exposing themselves on line we can suddenly find the money to protect them?

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Dancingtothebeat · 24/05/2018 15:07

She is entitled to make a complaint if she is being forced or coerced too.

LagunaBubbles · 24/05/2018 15:11

I don't actually care that they are being bribed, it is their own fault

Nice bit of victim blaming there.

Nicknacky · 24/05/2018 15:11

What poor girl being coreced to do it? You don't believe there is actually a female at the other end of the connection in every case, do you?!

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