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AIBU?

Is it me or is this odd?

63 replies

Yorkskaty · 24/05/2018 13:21

Hello.
I'm new to this but something has been bugging me and I thought I'd sound it out on here.

A couple of years ago two friends came to stay with us, bringing two more friends (theirs) with them.

Initially we all had a lovely time, but on the last night the male half of our friends had a bit too much to drink. It wasn't a problem and we all went to bed.
However, the next morning the female half appeared and said he'd been sick in the night. He had. He'd been sick all over the bed, the duvet, the mattress, the floor, the bedside table. And was refusing to get out so we could clean it.
After much effort we got him up and cleaned what we could. We took the mattress down the garden, washed stuff, etc. He then returned to the bed and lay on the slats. Where he stayed ALL day. She went off with their friends for a lovely day out. We surrendered our mattress that evening and slept on the floor. He watched us carry it from one room to the other and didn't move a muscle.
They left the next day. He never said a word. Not a word. She apologised, offered to pay for the mattress (we refused) and off they all went.
Later that day I got a text asking me to give him someone's details so they could provide him with a reference. I didn't.
We never heard another word. We half expected a card, a bunch of flowers, a cheque, but nothing.
We then discovered that he had deleted us from all his social media, eradicated any trace of us and removed all the photos he'd posted on various sites. He's very into 'looking exciting'.

His wife contacted us the other day as though nothing had happened. She gave us a quick update on their lives.

I was completely taken aback, but then started wondering: was it okay for me to feel aggrieved and want nothing to do with them? Or should we have forgiven and forgotten?
PS Their friends have stayed in close contact with us...

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 24/05/2018 13:25

I wouldn't have anything to do with them. Appalling behaviour.

troodiedoo · 24/05/2018 13:27

Definitely bin them. Skanks

halfwitpicker · 24/05/2018 13:27

So this loser was sick in your bed, hungover all day, slept again in your bed, asked for a reference and never APOLOGISED? And didn't help with anything?

YANBU to go NC

RestingBitchFaced · 24/05/2018 13:28

She offered to pay - you refused, so why would you expect a cheque? But agree an apology from him was needed

BrutusMcDogface · 24/05/2018 13:28

What!? Not only did he destroy your bedroom, but he lay around while you cleaned up his sick?! That's horrendous. I wouldn't ever want to see him again. Ever.

halfwitpicker · 24/05/2018 13:28

Sorry about the shouty apologised Blush

BrutusMcDogface · 24/05/2018 13:29

And she went off out for the day? And you let them sleep on your mattress?! I'd go Nc with her, too.

Takfujuimoto · 24/05/2018 13:31

I'd feel bad for her being married to that but not enough to remain in contact.

I would ignore them from now on though.

He's a disgrace.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 24/05/2018 13:32

I wouldn’t forgive after the failure to apologise/make amends. I’d feel sorry she’s married to an idiot but I wouldn’t want to see them.

qwertyuiopy · 24/05/2018 13:34

It couldn’t have been the last night he was sick if they stayed again, this time on your mattress??? Did they stay an extra night because he wouldn’t move?

Whatever, ignore her. Perhaps she wants something from you again so is pretending nothing happened. Perhaps she had run out of friends because of her H’s behaviour so is doing the rounds.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 24/05/2018 13:38

I would have expected a bunch of flowers.

PoshPenny · 24/05/2018 13:40

I think that's absolutely disgusting behaviour from the male in particular. I'd never want to hear from them ever again, you should have made them pay for a new mattress plus they should have done something like write a letter of apology afterwards, maybe with a bunch of flowers. If not as you say a cheque towards the cost of replacing linen and time spent cleaning up his disgusting mess. It would completely different if he was actually unwell rather than self inflicted.

pigmcpigface · 24/05/2018 13:43

It would depend how much I liked them apart from this incident. If there was a lot of good history and a lot of closeness, I'd forgive. If not, I would just ignore the message and get on with life without them in it!

Oddish · 24/05/2018 13:43

Ugh no. I imagine she is after a favour of some sort of she’s come out of the woodwork as if nothing’s happened.

expatinscotland · 24/05/2018 13:47

Jesus! Bin them off! Why would you want to ever associate with that twat again? Or her for running off and leaving you there with him. Fuck that. Don't respond. Block her.

DarlingNikita · 24/05/2018 13:47

It couldn’t have been the last night he was sick if they stayed again, this time on your mattress??? Did they stay an extra night because he wouldn’t move?

I wondered this too.

But anyway, it is utterly bizarre that he didn't say a word at the time. Confused And he WAS your friend, yes, not your friends' friend? How did it actually go –surely there'd have been some conversation before they left ('When are you off then?' at least?) Did you address questions or comments to him and he didn't reply? I just can't imagine the scenario.

She clearly thinks/hopes it's all blown over and is hoping to breeze on as normal. I wouldn't bother replying. It's massively ungracious behaviour.

Lacucuracha · 24/05/2018 13:57

We surrendered our mattress that evening and slept on the floor.

You gave them your mattress after he puked on one already?

You're mugs!

Anyway, bin them off. Was it the friend who puked or the friend's friend?

RhuBarbarella · 24/05/2018 13:59

I think you are odd, leaving him in bed all day plus an extra night without exchanging a single word with him? Not talking to them apart from, no thanks you don't have to pay for the mattress? Definitely weird. Wife plus friends go out a whole day and sleep at yours again? What is that, if not odd. What on earth possessed you to sleep on the floor?

Tinkobell · 24/05/2018 14:01

They sound unreal. Oh, and in case you hadn't noticed they are complete shameless users. Pity you didn't take cash for the mattress- that would be my biggest regret. I certainly would not have given them my mattress or housed them a second night....what on earth were you thinking op!?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 24/05/2018 14:06

Are you insane?

AmericanEskimoDoge · 24/05/2018 14:13

No way would they have gotten my mattress while I slept on the floor-- especially after he was sick all over the other one and didn't even apologize.

I would've let them pay for the mattress. Call it a stupidity tax. It's not like he got sick from a stomach bug, in which case I'd have been more sympathetic (but still have expected an apology, because that's how civilized people behave). No, he got drunk, which was completely his own fault.

I'd have zero interest in getting back in touch with them. Normal people don't behave that way.

FizzyGreenWater · 24/05/2018 14:18

Can't believe you gave them your mattress.

Interesting that you did though. That fact alone tells me that the 'dynamic' is quite likely to be them dominant, you submissive (so to speak). They - or at least definitely he - didn't feel he needed to make amends as you're lower in the pecking order. They're the more powerful ones. See also cheeky reference text.

When he got the vibe that you were actually probably sufficiently angry not to remain submissive, he deleted you from social media in case you embarrassed him on there.

Obviously bin them. Don't reply to her text. Dignified silence.

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StaplesCorner · 24/05/2018 14:20

It is you and you are odd, for allowing him to stay and treat you like dirt!

BestestBrownies · 24/05/2018 14:25

Maybe she's finally decided to LTB and is reaching out?

SHE didn't puke everywhere and treat you like shit, HE did. You say she apologised/offered payment etc and you refused. Maybe she went out because she was horribly embarrassed/furious with her DP and couldn't stand the sight of him. Couldn't you have gone with them for the 'lovely day out' and left the fuckwit on his own?

If it were me and she was a good friend I would at least want to hear what she has to say/wants from you and then make up my mind.

strangelove85 · 24/05/2018 14:27

I'd be pissed off the second my two friends brought two of their friends to stay at my house without asking first!

If it was a "lets get the gang back together and have a night out" type thing and friends bring their partners or other friends fair enough. But to STAY AT YOUR HOUSE? No way!

And then he puked everywhere and didn't even attempt to make it up to you?!

Yes its odd and and yes they would all get binned!

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