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My husband is wrong or me??

(83 Posts)
stilltryingstillfailing Wed 23-May-18 19:25:28

I’ve just come from a long day and I’m grumpy so I can’t tell.
My Dad is turning 65. He never celebrates his birthday but has decided this year to make a big deal first time in my life. My mum passed away 4yrs ago.
So he is Irish and his sister has organised it all and booked accommodation in cork for June weekend for everyone from family and extended family all to get together many of whom I have never met. I of course have agreed to come with children/husband.
Husband then gets invite from old friend to wedding in Scandinavia same weekend (and Sod’s law about 4 other things but we decline the rest) he decides he wants to go to Scandinavia so I’m fine you go I’ll take boys to Ireland. Already a shag and requires school absence blah. So I’ve booked tickets and accommodation and it turns out to be expensive £1k in plane tickets and accommodation on top. But it’s done I’m in I’m just going to enjoy it and husband and I sometimes need a bit of space so that’s not the end of the world I have the grand children I’m all good.
I come home late today a really long day (I start at 6) and with DS there he says DS1 really wants to come to Scandinavia with me can I switch it it? He wants to learn about vikings!
I’m livid! I’ve spent the money, he’s made his option sexy and offers it without me there. It means a lot to my dad when wedding was always an out since the same guy was a no show at our wedding 10yrs ago and he hasn’t seen him since. Now he’s plied my son then consulted me in front of him prefacing the conversation with ‘don’t be cross but...’
I’m so fed up.

GloucesterRd Wed 23-May-18 19:30:20

Why just the one child and not all of them? Do the others want to go to Scandinavia? Is it favouritism?

Moot point really. The deed is done. Children go with you and you go to Scandinavia to learn about Vikings later as a family.

(What is the “already a shag” typo?!)

Jamiefraserskilt Wed 23-May-18 19:32:38

The answer is no. Kids will come with you. Dc can go to Scandinavia at another time.

KataraJean Wed 23-May-18 19:33:16

DS1 will be bored at a wedding with people he does not know. And how much can he actually learn about Vikings there?

stilltryingstillfailing Wed 23-May-18 19:35:54

Sorry on the shag I just mean it took me a long time to organise the trip to find flight times that were okay for children but not egregious and school. Term time weekend away with 6&8 totally doable but the flights are not friendly or cheap so had been agonising and had finally bitten the bullet.

Not sure why he has invited one think the other may have been asleep during conversation as he wasn’t awake. But of course he will want to go wherever DS1 goes it makes me super super cross. My dad comes to every kids party, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthday every month. Unlike my mum he’s not a natural but makes a huge effort and my husband has basically disneyfied his trip over it when in reality they’ll be sitting still at a wedding for hours!! Why why why??

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 23-May-18 19:36:00

Yanbu. He is.

Children go with you as arranged.

Plan another holiday for the future.

Tell your DH to sod off, he’s being incredibly mean not going with you in the first place to celebrate his fil birthday. He can just about get away with it if he doesn’t take the grandchildren with him.

BettyBaggins Wed 23-May-18 19:36:40

Husband shouldnt of woo'd kid with vikings. Grandads party takes precedence.

bridgetreilly Wed 23-May-18 19:36:57

HIBU. Not just because you've already booked it, but because it's their granddad's birthday. That's more important for them to be at than his friend's wedding. If the kids want to learn about Vikings, take them to York sometime.

niknac1 Wed 23-May-18 19:40:26

You are right husband so so wrong, he needs to apologise and really tell your son what a wedding would be like, and it’s not vikings.

FlyingDandelionSeed Wed 23-May-18 19:40:32

Your husband is clearly wrong. Grandads rare big birthday party is clearly more important than wedding of guy DS1 doesn't even know.

Your husband needs to explain to DS that the wedding weekend sadly won't be a good time to learn about vikings because he'll be too busy doing boring wedding stuff, and make it up him with a Viking-related trip some other time.

Tiredmum100 Wed 23-May-18 19:40:45

I'd go to the birthday party and go as a family on the other holiday another time.

Ickyockycocky Wed 23-May-18 19:41:08

He is unreasonable.

glenthebattleostrich Wed 23-May-18 19:43:45

Your son goes to Ireland. And Ireland has Celts, who are easily as cool as vikinga

stilltryingstillfailing Wed 23-May-18 19:49:21

I’m liking the idea of competing with Celts or something plus a beach! Glad I’m not just grumpy.

stilltryingstillfailing Wed 23-May-18 19:50:25

Anyone got good chat on Celts any cool stories I can share I’m going to insist with husband but maybe imperative to win boys round too.

Horsedogbird Wed 23-May-18 19:55:03

He should be going with you for your dad's birthday!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Wed 23-May-18 19:55:55

I think DH should have declined the wedding. You already had plans. FIL trumps flaky friend. He won’t get to see much of friend at the wedding anyway most likely. Extra unreasonable to woo DS to change his mind. I’d say DS1 can go but sacrifice next birthday/Christmas present. Or maybe not. Perhaps now is a good time in honouring your commitments.

ChasedByBees Wed 23-May-18 19:57:46

Your DH is being incredibly unfair. Have you said anything to him yet?

Jonbb Wed 23-May-18 19:58:02

There's a rather good story about a female Irish pirate, I'll try and remember.

Jonbb Wed 23-May-18 19:58:56

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grace_O%27Malley

Pengggwn Wed 23-May-18 20:00:25

He gets to change his own plan (however selfish) but your DS is committed, so I would insist on the original trip going ahead as planned.

Fevs Wed 23-May-18 20:01:13

I would have been annoyed at my husband pulling out to go to the wedding in the first place to be totally honest but you mention having some space isn’t a bad thing so fair play if you’re fine with that.
But to then try and wangle it so your son joins him too! I would be completely livid. It sounds like you have a lovely dad/grandfather to your kids who will probably be upset if all of his grandchildren aren’t there. Let alone the fact you’ve booked and paid for it all!
I would 100% stick to your guns and enjoy it

Ruffian Wed 23-May-18 20:01:33

Think your dc are old enough to be told they would upset their grandad if they don't go to his birthday - especially as he makes the effort to go to all the other celebrations.

seven201 Wed 23-May-18 20:02:35

You should have taken dh into another room as soon as he brought it up. Then he should have been the one to go back in and explain why the boys are going to Ireland and apologise to you and him for suggesting it. It's totally out of order.

Summerinrome Wed 23-May-18 20:02:46

Actually your dh should be coming with you. It is a family event, he shouldn't be just ditching your family for a better offer.

The no show can invite someone else to his scandi wedding. Your dc will enjoy seeing their family and it means the world to your df.

It would be a non starter. It is booked and organised end of.

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