I have been through a lot since marrying my husband in 2011, my husband was lovely in the beginning but he started getting abusive and controlling when we got married. He would shout a lot, call me every name under the sun, not allowing me have a phone. He would push me in arguments and throw things at me, threaten to smash the tv, insult my family and belittle me in public under guise of jokes.
My mil has never liked me, I tried my hardest to get along with her but she thinks the sun shines out of his arse and he can do no wrong in her eyes, but she will find faults in everything I do from how I raise my children til how I cook and clean.
He doesn’t work and although I do everything in the house, she still moans at me for not ironing his clothes or cooking for him. She has told him he deserves someone better than me, she makes me feel worthless in my own home. But I’ve realised it’s not me that’s the problem, it’s her.
So after years of abuse from him and his mother, I have made the decision to leave.
I’m moving out in 2 weeks, but I just can’t help stop thinking about the way they treated me, and it really angers me that I’ve let them do this to me for so long.
I also can’t stop thinking about if she will like the new daughter in law better ? I know it’s silly and I really need to learn how not to give this woman any headspace.
So does time really heal all wounds or is it just a saying? Does it get better?
Obviously this experience has made me a stronger and wiser person, but I’m still hurting 😔
AIBU?
Does time really heal all wounds?
Healmywounds · 23/05/2018 17:04
for you OP, that sounds like a terrible situation.
In answer to your question... no. That is only my experience though. I say no, because the real anger/hurt comes from unresolved situations.
There will be things you will look back on that sting and hurt right now that in time you will shrug off and say 'what a dick/bitch'. You've identified that they both treat you like crap, which goes a long way in terms of closure and allowing you to be angry atm but then let go of, once you are out of the situation...
...but there will always be things that ex or exMIL will never acknowledge or even perceive that they have been wrong. Those are the ones that rankle the most. As people we judge each other by our own standards and we would expect at the very least, an apology when someone we are involved with so closely tramples all over them. The crap part is that sometimes we dont get that apology. Thats the stinging part.
Should you let it go? Yes (in an ideal world). Will you? I dont know. Can you? I dont know.
I have learned to let go of a lot of crap with my ex, and laugh at him for it now. There are some things though that still make my blood boil to this day. Maybe thats a way of reminding us never to go back 
.
Find a good counsellor, or maybe a woman's shelter as you have been experiencing emotional abuse, then talk to them. I promise it is so cathartic.
I dont think time heals all wounds, but it does a good job of putting things in perspective and making sure you never allow yourself to be bullied like that again.
I think moving out and being away from them both will help hugely, even without the time element. Sounds a bit trite but whether time heals is largely down to you, you can choose to continue to let it make you angry and end up becoming bitter or you can use that anger constructively to make positive changes.
Obviously the latter is the way to go, take all that anger and outrage at the way they've treated you and use it to build yourself up into a person who will never let that happen again. Work on your self esteem, personal boundaries and creating a happy life for yourself while you have that anger to motivate you and you will be able to let it go, because you will have something better to move on to.
This bit is shit and of course you're hurting but they've done you enough damage, don't let them do any more. That saying 'the best revenge is a life well lived' is appropriate here I think, you will be free very soon and can leave them far behind you, that's a win whichever way you look at it. As for any future DIL, the only feeling you need to have about her is pity, she will be stuck with precisely what you are escaping
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