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To wonder to what extent you impose your views on your kids...if at all?

(67 Posts)
malificent7 Wed 23-May-18 14:50:53

Or perhaps I should rephrase this as 'to what extent do your kids share your views?

Some people's quite young children are already certain they support mum and dad's political party of choice. I heard someone's under 10 say they weren't a royalist as mum wasn't.
The same goes for football teams... Support for a club often runs in families.

Also your kids also support vegetarianism or make up their own minds?

On the flip side I know a staunch vegan who is 8 whereas mum and dad are not.

As much as i try to influence dd such as supporting Liverpool or a political party she is determined to do the opposite or find her own way...this is fine with me as I admire her strength of character although I definately challenged any anti gay sentiment.

Religion is another one.

I'm not wanting to start a bitch fight here but to what extent do we or should we influence our kid's views?

malificent7 Wed 23-May-18 14:51:26

The Liverpool is tongue in cheek BTW.

BeyondThePage Wed 23-May-18 14:57:45

hahaha - my DD is 17 - she takes everything we as parents believe and turns it 180 degrees - but that is what teenagers do...

Zadocthepriest Wed 23-May-18 15:00:19

We used to have endless discussions around the dinner table with our teenagers/ young adults. Nothing off limit. We had a right wing conservative, a left wing labourite and a green party supporter at the last election.

I have always enjoyed being devil's advocate and just arguing the opposite to encourage new ideas. But I get annoyed with intolerance, rudeness, not being prepared to find out the facts, not listening to others' views.

Mousefunky Wed 23-May-18 15:01:22

I don’t care for football and neither do my DC.

They are aware I am an Atheist and a big fan of Richard Dawkins as I have much of his literature in the house grin. They have asked about God and Jesus in the past due to religious studies at school and things they have learnt at Christmas/Easter and I am happy to tell them I do not believe because of x and x reason but if you want to, that is your choice. My youngest DD (5) has told me she believes in Jesus whereas my eldest is a stringent Atheist to the extent he refuses to sing along with Christian songs at school. Both are fine, neither bothers me.

I am vegetarian but it’s mostly due to detesting the smell/taste/thought of meat, I’ve been one since I was 12. I have mostly raised my DC veggie but it’s purely because I refuse to cook meat as it seriously makes me gag. If they wished to eat it at school or when out and about, I wouldn’t stop them. My dd’s have tried it at school and that honestly doesn’t fuss me.

I am honest and open as much as possible with my opinions if and when they ask. I made it clear what I thought of the Royal family at the weekend after my DD’s mentioned they had heard about the wedding at school and asked whether we would be watching it- no thanks! But if they wish to be royalists, so be it.

They also know I love Jeremy Corbyn because I have a tshirt grin. Westminster is known as ‘where Jeremy Corbyn works’ when we walk past.

JenBarber Wed 23-May-18 15:02:50

I'm not sure I have any views.

I'm pretty 'meh' about everything.

Love51 Wed 23-May-18 15:05:15

We all do it. My kids speak English because I do. Other families we know are bilingual because one or both parents are. Mine have particular tastes music - they don't like everything we like but they've only got the stuff they've been exposed to to go on. I grew up knowing loads about atheletics and little about football, music but not painting, novels over poetry. Parents get excited to share their interests with their children. Why would you teach a child something you have no interest in? Or that all political parties are equal? They are not!

BitOutOfPractice Wed 23-May-18 15:05:31

My exH jokes that I have indoctrinated the kids about politics but I don't think I have forced my opinions onto them. I have answered with what I think when I have asked. They are both super-interested in politics (15 and 18) and maybe they get that from me so maybe that is a case of my influence.

They both love history (I'm a history grad) and Dd1 is going to study it at uni. Maybe that's because we've always gone to museums, castles etc when they were younger, I don't know.

But try as I might, I cannot get them to take an interest in football, despite me supporting the best team in the world, Wolverhampton Wanderers

TheNavigator Wed 23-May-18 15:07:17

My children are older teens/twenties, so very capable of making up their own minds. They were raised vegetarian, atheist, broadly left wing, pro-Europe, feminist in outlook and have stuck with that but are a lot more 'right on' when it comes to LGBTQ+ as are many of today's youth. However, we are madly outdoorsy and the children just aren't. So I would say our attempts to brainwash and control were a qualified success grin

Ohyesiam Wed 23-May-18 15:08:45

I think having tree hugging parents, the way for my kids to rebel is to join the forces.
We talk about ethics and personal responsibility a lot, in the vague hope that a good grounding in personal responsibility will lead to good choices.

Genderwitched Wed 23-May-18 15:09:05

We are atheists and so are the kids, but not because we made them. They can believe what they want as far as I am concerned, but they do know that I have fairly negative views on organised religion so perhaps they might keep it quiet, I don't know.

I have also indoctrinated them both, boy and girl, in the ways of feminism, and wouldn't tolerate any sexist talk in the house. But apart from that I can't think of anything else.

Eledamorena Wed 23-May-18 15:09:25

Mine are too little for this to be an issue yet but it is v interesting! I don't share my parent's political views (or views on many things, really) but I am sometimes conscious that it was only from my early/mid-20s that I really formed my own views. They never pushed anything, I just sort of 'believed' whatever they did.

The religion point is particularly interesting as it is often so tied up in culture and family life... The God Delusion articulates one view of this really well by likening a 'Christian' or 'Muslim' child to a 'Conservative' or 'Liberal' one... we accept that children might just sort of inherently 'be' of a certain faith simply because their parents are, but we don't expect a small child to genuinely hold the same political opinions/beliefs as their parents. As they grow up they may or may not, but it would rarely be considered some true break from family to vote differently, though it may well be considered a terrible thing to follow a different religion or none if you are raised in a religious household.

malificent7 Wed 23-May-18 15:09:48

Some interesting responses here! I'm veggie, dd isn't. I'm a Labour supporter, dd is more Tory she thinks...she's 9!!!
She also told me that she feels sorry for Trump as everyone hates I put my foot down! She shouldn't feel sorry for him!

Happyandshiney Wed 23-May-18 15:11:12

We talk about our views in things a lot at home but have always told the children that they can make their own decisions about things.

I’m religious but their Dad is not. So they go to church with me for now but understand that not everyone believes and that other people believe other things.

Between DH & I, my DPs and my PIL there are three sets of strongly held political opinions. So the children hear discussions and understand that it’s ok to disagree with people you love.

We spend quite a lot of time talking about the news and current affairs and the kids have space to give their views.

NotUmbongoUnchained Wed 23-May-18 15:14:40

We don’t really have any mega views. I don’t eat meat, but my kids do. That’s about it really.

Lethaldrizzle Wed 23-May-18 15:14:50

This must go on alot in families who follow a particular faith

marchin1984 Wed 23-May-18 15:16:05

We are atheists and so are the kids, but not because we made them. They can believe what they want as far as I am concerned, but they do know that I have fairly negative views on organised religion so perhaps they might keep it quiet, I don't know.

Isn't atheism really the default position? I too am one. We simply don't talk a lot about god. I don't think my kids really know the concept of god. I'd tell them if they asked, but they haven't asked.

The younger one (7 now) is obsessed with Jesus and the crucifixion (which, frankly, is not an age appropriate thing to tell children, but it's all over the churches we have seen). I tell her what I know, but I didn't grow up christian.

I am vegetarian. Kids are vegetarian. I think we have said that at 12 they can decide.

JacquesHammer Wed 23-May-18 15:17:26

That's really interesting OP.

For me, the sports teams example doesn't match the others. DD asked if she could go to the football with her dad, if she could watch rugby with me. We were both quite happy for her to support other teams if she wanted and would have facilitated her going.

Politically, religiously (or lack thereof) I am very open. "I think x, but it isn't wrong if you don't" kind of thing?

I think its really important she finds her own way.

Littlecaf Wed 23-May-18 15:18:16

Sometimes I think I’m a combination of my parents. I have the lefty thing from Dad, but not too communist like Mum; the history side comes from Mum; the geography side and career choice from Dad; they took me to stately homes (not in the Mumsnet way) and that’s where my main interest and career is. We’re a bit footy, a bit cricket and absolutely no rugby. My brother is similar. (Although he thinks he’s more left wing but he’s really a closet Cameronite. )

My parents are atheist, I’m generally more interested in the concept but perhaps not anything organised.

My partner would be devastated if our DSs supported either Everton or Man U. There too young atm so we’ll see.

ikeepaforkinmypurse Wed 23-May-18 15:19:10

My kids share our views of the world roughly. It's not just about our views, but where we decided to live, the school they go to, and the people they are surrounded by. We are not brain washing them, but we have valid reasons and argument to justify our beliefs, so once they are past the teenage rebellion, they tend to be quite similar to us. For many things, it would be hypocritical of them not to, when they enjoyed the benefits and the perks of our lifestyle.

3333hh44 Wed 23-May-18 15:23:23

I make my views widely known but encourage the kids to have their own.
I was very influenced by my Dad. Thought everything he said was gospel - even though he wasn't doing it deliberately. Somehow I don't think my kids view me in that light grin although funnily enough they take note of Grandads view!!

Sirzy Wed 23-May-18 15:26:42

Ds is 8 (he is also autistic which I think is part of why he is so certain!)

I am c of e, he was christened and we went to church occasionally. By the age of 7 he was very much adememant that religion isn’t for him and that he thinks it’s a load of rubbish. Other than pushing the importance of respecting everyone’s views I have made no effort to change his thinking.

I like the royal family but nothing special. He on the other hand describes himself as a royalist and quite possibly knows more about the royal family than the queen herself!

Marmaladdin Wed 23-May-18 15:33:32

I don't eat meat but DH and both DC do and, as family chef, I cook it. Eldest is 4. She is aware that meat is animals. She loves animals but she says they taste nice grin

We don't talk about politics much atm but we talk about kindness, tolerance and fairness. We talk about having to work hard in life. We talk about people who need extra help. DC will form their own political views.

We aren't religious as such but we acknowledge religion and talk about it. I suppose we're cautiously agnostic. We go to church occasionally (Lent, Holy week, Christmas) and we have age-appropriate bible stories. I don't believe it but I like the stories in the same way I like Santa and the Easter bunny.

That's about it.

Sirzy Wed 23-May-18 15:34:10

Oh and he is very interested in politics too and has his views very firm!

annandale Wed 23-May-18 15:35:50

I impose my views on ds. Of course I do. Yes he will no doubt end up with some wrong beliefs that differ from mine, but I expect that to be a torturous process involving a lot of therapy. His starting point is what I believe. It always makes me laugh when I read about eg Christian parents who say 'we've always been evangelical Christians and our prayer life as a family is awesome, but we were so pleased when our children accepted Jesus as adults of their own free will!' Of course they did...

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