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AIBU?

AIBU to talk to him or kick him out or leave him?

10 replies

Bambini12 · 23/05/2018 12:43

Me and my DP of nine years and 2 DC together have been going through a rough patch (year). We have recently had a baby and I was ill throughout my pregnancy with obstetric cholestasis, causing me to be hospitalised and our baby to be early. As you can imagine, I’ve been off sex with the illness, pregnancy and since DC birth 3 months ago. My DP works a full time job in the week and works festivals all weekend and prioritieses his job over our family. We discussed this and he agreed to make more of an effort to make time for his family. He also said that I’ve been cold and uncaring towards him (no intimacy he means) which is something I’ve tried to work on myself.

Last night I wanted to go out to a hobby which he knows is important to me and he knew what time I wanted to leave and after calling him when he was 10 mins late he says he’s just got to the pub and no he won’t come home without having a pint because he’s been at work all day then stuck in traffic.

Today he’s left his phone at home and I’ve had a look through his messages, I know I shouldn’t have but with the amount of time he’s away and not showing an interest in our 2DC and relationship I was suspicious. I’ve found 2 texts he’s sent to other women one saying “I’ve seen your profile and wanting to meet to shower together” and another “I’m wanting to meet someone local to have fun with after work next week”

My AIBU is AIBU to confront him about his behaviour? Talk it through and try and work it out. Or should I be full of rage and just kick him out??? I honestly do not know and I don’t know how to feel

OP posts:
Neverender · 23/05/2018 12:44

Sounds like a total arse. I'd kick him out while you have a think about what you want.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 23/05/2018 12:45

I personally would have his stuff in the garden and lock the door.
Screen shot the messages and check his album and emails etc also.
In for a penny and all that.

Screaminginsideme · 23/05/2018 12:45

So sorry OP.

What do you want the ideal outcome to be?

Confront him. You have to to get anything to change.

I’ve had OC too and it’s horrible.

Storm4star · 23/05/2018 12:46

Given what the messages say, I would just end the relationship. I don't see where it can go from here. You'll never be able to trust him again. I don't know what else to say, to be honest!

Justmuddlingalong · 23/05/2018 12:47

Your marriage wasn't great before you discovered the texts. I'm sorry, but that would be the final nail in the coffin for me. Flowers

scampimom · 23/05/2018 12:47

IMO even if he wasn't trying to sleep around he's still being an inconsiderate arse.

PuppetOnAString · 23/05/2018 12:47

He’s not interested in working it out though, you’ve tried and he’s shown you what he thinks of that. I would be kicking him out.

scampimom · 23/05/2018 12:49

My gut reaction would be to screen shot the messages, print them out, and sellotape them to the bin bags of his clothes that he would find outside the front door so that he is in zero doubt as to a) what's happening and b) why.

Whether I'd actually be brave enough to do that is another matter!

helpconfused · 23/05/2018 13:28

Double lock the door. I've stayed and tried to work things out to be walked over time and time again. Now I have grown a pair finally and realise I wasted my time and energy on someone that didn't care about me or DS. I am so much happier and not wondering all of the time when the next thing would crawl out of the woodwork.

helpconfused · 23/05/2018 13:29

and good luck in whatever you decide x

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