Advanced search


(92 Posts)
senioritabonita Wed 23-May-18 09:48:20

I know a lot of people snore, I know they can't help it.

The question is WTF can be done about it and whose problem is it - the snorer or the poor bastard being woken.

We have a tiny house and it's very difficult to find somewhere else to sleep. He is 6foot 6 and has a bad back, I have arthritis and sleeping on the sofa/floor is not an option.

AIBU to think he should make an effort to sort this out or he should sleep elsewhere?

Has anyone actually managed to resolve a snoring problem?

I am so tried sad

senioritabonita Wed 23-May-18 10:55:13

Feeling a bit desperate

whatifwhatifhwhatif Wed 23-May-18 10:59:56

hi there

Can I ask - what is your DP's attitude towards it? Would he be willing to see a specialist? Things can be done, depending on whether its a snore from the nose or the throat, I think.

Have you tried earplugs?

Could you get a day bed or sofa bed for the sitting room?

I agree, living with a snorer is absolute hell on earth. Living with a snorer who doesn't give a shit about the one being woken (i.e. sees it as their problem) is even worse. My ex was like this. Hence why he is an ex.

PaddyF0dder Wed 23-May-18 11:00:09

It’s for the snorer to fix.

I say that as I am “The Snorer”. It’s my health condition.

Trippedupagain Wed 23-May-18 11:04:41

I have no solution, I’m afraid, but just wanted to say I feel a lot of sympathy for you having just spent another night in our spare room because of the snoring. I’m lucky that we have a spare bed, but my problem is also that by the time I’ve fallen asleep and been woken up several times I just can’t get back to sleep anyway, so I often end up getting up early or going downstairs to read or watch tv for a while. That happened last night and I’m feeling very tired this morning. My OH is at least quite reasonable about it now and I can say to him that I’ve got to sleep separately for a night to get some sleep, but it has been a source of conflict / misunderstanding in the past. He is also a very restless sleeper, so if he isn’t actually snoring he is twitching or grabbing all the covers!

ClareB83 Wed 23-May-18 11:05:14

Both me and DH have been the snorer at different times (tonsillitis for him and pregnancy for me). As a starting point it's for the snorer to try and fix eg blowing their nose before bed, staying hydrated, using nasal strips or other products, facing the opposite direction.

But once they've done all they can then it's for the other person to try and cope eg ear plugs, facing opposite direction, learning to cope. Of course having the option of another bed on a particularly bad night is helpful.

DollyPartonsBeard Wed 23-May-18 11:15:24

I'm the snorer. DP used to produce and poke me but it meant we both had disturbed nights sleep. I use the nytol snoring spray and it's miraculous. I don't snore at all with it, despite being a fat smoker on various meds that cause nasal congestion. It's often on 3 for 2 at Boots and similarly priced on Amazon. It also seems to have a cumulative effect as if I forget on the odd occasion I don't snore! It has definitely saved our relationship!

Nytol Anti-Snoring Throat Spray, 50ml

DollyPartonsBeard Wed 23-May-18 11:15:58

NB DP prodded me oops

Dancingtothebeat Wed 23-May-18 11:40:51

Nose strips help my DH

SluttyButty Wed 23-May-18 11:54:50

I'm the snorer and I accept responsibility. I've had a sleep study and scans but I also take meds that cause sinus issues.

Dolly does that spray really have a cumulative effect? If so I might give it another go!

I've suggested my dh gets proper earplugs but he refuses. I do sleep on the sofa sometimes despite having arthritis because our sofa is really firm and I get a better sleep on it. But dh can still hear me upstairs hmm

whatifwhatifhwhatif Wed 23-May-18 12:00:35

SluttyButty - can I ask why your DP refuses to try earplugs? Sounds a bit unfair on you, considering everything you have tried?

senioritabonita Wed 23-May-18 12:08:01

Thank you

He is apologetic but doesn't nothing. Did ask at drs once and was told to use an app to record sleep. He didn't follow it up. Mentioning this to him and reminding him upsets him.

I have tried the best ear plugs but he still wakes me. Also he sleeps incredibly heavily and I worry ear plugs would mean I wouldn't hear a the dc/a fire/burglar/one of our animals etc.

He won't do anything about it and if I get angry - which I did this morning- he says things like:

'Well you make disgusting noises in the night' and then refuses to elaborate on what these noises are.

I work much longer hours than him and have health issues meaning I need rest.

ClareB83 Wed 23-May-18 12:11:09

OP your partner is rude and inconsiderate.

A good nights sleep when you share a bed is a team effort and he's not doing his part.

whatifwhatifhwhatif Wed 23-May-18 12:13:14

senioritabonita - your last post has caused a shiver down my spine.

He sounds like my ex. He apologises but that is only to shut you up. If he really cared, he would actively do something about it. Nose strips / nasal sprays / follow up with the doctor etc. Instead, he has a retort for you when you talk to him about it, and turns it back on you. Do those "disgusting noises" you make keep him awake all night?

He doesn't care about your lack of sleep and the mental health implications behind sleep deprivation, he doesn't care about your health issues, he doesn't care that you work long hours and need rest. Ergo, he doesn't care about YOU.

UserV Wed 23-May-18 12:14:58

Sounds like he gives zero shits about you sorry OP.

If you have no kids together and are financially OK, I would leave/break up with him. He sounds like a fucking dickhead.

SluttyButty Wed 23-May-18 12:28:06

whatif I have no idea why, he's generally an extremely considerate person and never makes me feel bad despite the fact he looks like he hasn't slept in a month that I sound like a chinook in the bedroom but he's just being a dick re earplugs.

senioritabonita Wed 23-May-18 12:30:01

We have teenage kids together and have been together for 25 years.

The snoring started about 10 years ago but was on and off not all the time- just after a drink or when he had a cold etc at first.

Now it's all the time and sometimes incredibly loud and jarring, not just a heavy breathing sound.

I've suggested it could be sleep apnoea but he hasn't investigated it and won't do anything.

He also has depression that he doesn't seek help for and is passive in all aspects of life - won't make decisions in any area etc.

I have shared rooms with others and no one else has told me I make disgusting noises. About 2 years ago I did a spectacular fart in the early hours which woke us both up. Maybe that's what he's referring to. hmm

He's is in good physical health as far as I can tell, he is a good weight, no longer drinks and eats well. He says he has a 'bad back' and so has to sleep in his back, but he's never seen a dr about his back and I don't know what to think any more.

I'm knackered and so pissed off.

senioritabonita Wed 23-May-18 12:31:54

In defence of not wearing ear plugs, I found I got very irritated ears when I wore them- I spoke to an ent nurse and she said that it's a lack of air circulating in the ear drum and causes wax build up.
I am happy to wear them sometimes but not very keen all the time, although I would if it solved the problem.

whatifwhatifhwhatif Wed 23-May-18 12:35:23

My blood pressure has shot up reading about how he will not do anything to help you or help himself. I put up with that for 20 years, its so draining. If he won't do it for himself, surely he would do it for his loved one, who is clearly suffering?

Depression is obviously a terrible thing (I have suffered it myself) - but the fact he will not seek help for it - or his "bad back" - is a very bad sign. How long has he had depression?

Do you have a good relationship apart from all this? I am just not sure what you are getting from this relationship. He doesn't seem to give a shit about you.

SluttyButty Wed 23-May-18 12:35:30

He should have a sleep study done for sleep apnoea, I did mine at home in my own bed after collecting and delivering the equipment back to the hospital.

whatifwhatifhwhatif Wed 23-May-18 12:36:33

ear plugs aren't very effective and yes they irritate the ears.

he needs to try and sort his problem. although I suspect he never will.

Fflamingo Wed 23-May-18 12:42:58

Has he put weight on. I think that makes it worse as naturally it takes more effort to turn onto your side if you are heavy and half asleep, than if you are light.
Years ago I read to stitch a cotton reel onto the back of their pjs so they don't lie on their backs.
I suggested this to DH but he was not impressed. Fortunately I have other rooms I can move to if he snores.

Hemlock2013 Wed 23-May-18 12:47:14

I’m on the sofa most nights in a small house as my oh snores.

What’s the difference in treatment between throat and nose snoring?

SluttyButty Wed 23-May-18 12:52:30

I can snore sat bolt upright in a chair ten seconds after falling asleep confused

whatifwhatifhwhatif Wed 23-May-18 12:53:13

I can't really remember, I think if there are enlarged "flaps" (either up the nostril or the throat, I can't remember which, they can laser the flaps to make them smaller and less likely to vibrate (snore)

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: