Hi all,
Have name changed for this as it is outing and don't want my other posts being read.
There's a bit of back story, ex dp as always liked a good drink, could be very emotionally abusive use to make me think I did do the stuff he said and maybe I was crazy, things like that, smashing up house sometimes hitting me.
He used to sod of every weekend cause a row on a Thursday not come home Friday from work stumble in Sunday straight to bed, spent all he's wages etc back to work all week then same old, drinking every night of the week some excuse or another football, bad day at work, good day at work. Anyway one Thursday he was drunk and really laid into me and that was it when he left Friday morning I got the locks changed packed he's stuff left it in the porch and stayed with my mum for a few weeks, we had a lot of trouble from him and I ended up getting a restraining order.
After two years he made contact to see he's son and said he'd changed all was fine for a year and a half then he met a different girlfriend he'd had a few before I never met them but my son said they were nice enough but this one seemed to take an instant dislike to my ds, when my ex was out of the room she would ignore him, he said when he stayed there him and her daughter were sent to bed early while they drunk "Stella" and they was not allowed to leave the rooms even if the music was really loud. I spoke to ex p on phone one day and she was screaming in the background at me no idea why we wasn't arguing he'd just called to see what day was convenient to see ds. Anyway it all come to logger heads when they went away for the weekend on holiday, baring in mind she's known my son 4 months by this stage she sat him down when he's dad was out and told him detailed information about intercourse and periods he had just turned 8! When my son come home he said the whole weekend had been about him taking her little girl to the park or arcades why they stayed at the caravan drinking, I said to ex p no more overnights he doesn't enjoy them just days, then the next time he had him he drove him home after drinking! That was it I went no contact my sons welfare is my only concern. It's been a year and a half and I received an email from him, (he doesn't have our new address or my number) and he wants to see him again, I spoke to ds only for the reason I don't want him growing up and being told I was the one who stopped contact. He said he would like to see him for a few hours if he can promise not to drink and he doesn't want he's partner there, he does miss him but doesn't want any of that stuff happening like before, so I emailed this back and he asked to meet us and discuss it. I would normally say no but I thought no I will go be stern with what has been said and show him I'm no longer scared of him. We met at a restaurant where friends were conveniently eating (just so I felt safer). I could of sworn he'd already had a couple of drinks but thought nope don't say anything, then he ordered a Stella, then he started to ask ds why he doesn't want to be around he's partner or stay over son explained then he went on to ask him again and again and I stepped in, to which he told me to let him talk for himself I said he did but you keep asking him the same question, he said I've made him think that way and then went on to say to ds well we are going on holiday this year you can't come to that then, and theme parks you can't come to them etc, I asked my ds if he could go fill my drink up at he refill machine and said to him you can't do that you can not try to blackmail him or make him feel bad like that he went to shout at me to which I said let me stop you right there I have changed I will not take that at all to which he replied so had he changed, I said we'll be a decent parent then, if he can't come to these things don't bring them up to him and make him feel bad. Ds come back and we spoke for a few more minutes and he said he'll give it a month but then he has to see he's partner as she's the driver now he's lost he's license and he will have to stay over, anyway I gave him and ds some time to catch up and spoke to friends and when we got home ds said he felt like when I left it was like he'd spotted a ufo and was talking to the news with all the questions he's dad asked him about it all, then said it's fine mum I will just do what he says so I can see him. This has made me so furious AIBU to step in and say you know what actually no, no contact would be better? If so how do I explain this to ds? If not what other options do I have? I know there lifestyle if still the same 6 months ago I received a Facebook message from the father of the little girl of ex partners girlfriends, asking me for advice as he had been getting loads of bother from them and he's little girl said they were drinking all the time and ex partner was screaming in her face, did he have form for this? I replied saying I wish I could be more help but we don't have contact at the moment but yet he does I'm afraid he's always been a drinker and not always a very nice one either, to which he said so was he's ex p so it seems a match made in heaven
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AIBU?
To want for my son to go nc with ex partner.
22 replies
roseannefan · 23/05/2018 01:40
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