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To not want babysitter's boyfriend over in our absence.

(34 Posts)
waddlemyway Tue 22-May-18 23:07:10

We have a babysitter booked for Friday night. She's the girl from three doors down and over the course of the past year has sat somewhere between 5-10 times.
She's just texted me to ask if he boyfriend can come over after she puts our DDs (1&3) to bed. My gut instinct says no but I can't put my finger on why. I guess older DD might hear his voice and/or be confused if she came down. DH isn't keen on having a stranger in our house in our absence but wants to sleep on it. It's not like we don't trust her, but it seems her two older sisters are quite goody two shoes and she's the one we spot smoking five steps around the corner from the house thinking her parents won't catch her.
WWYD? Is it unreasonable to say no? Do I need to tell her why?

Loopytiles Tue 22-May-18 23:10:41

I would say no as I would assume she wanted to shag her bf in my house! Even if they were just watching TV I don’t pay sitters to have a social night in!

No need to give a reason.

When I babysat as a teen asking to have a friend or bf over was considered very bad form.

Pringlecat Tue 22-May-18 23:29:04

I wouldn't give a reason, just say you've thought about it and the answer is no.

You're effectively paying her to be on standby - to read a book, watch TV on low, etc - but to be ready to leap into action if there is a problem. So if one of your DC cries out, or the house suddenly catches on fire. All the stuff that probably won't happen, but that is technically a risk.

If she's snogging her boyfriend, chances are she won't be listening out for the worst, so what reassurance does that give you in your own absence? Asking to have her boyfriend over is a bit like asking you for money for not doing anything. She's the babysitter. She needs to babysit.

AmazingPostVoices Wed 23-May-18 02:14:34

I would say no.

You don’t know him.

She’s not on a date, she’s there to care for your children.

Monty27 Wed 23-May-18 02:31:22

No. She's at work sort of, as in being paid to look after your DC's. It's not a social event.

FeckinCrunchiesInTheCar Wed 23-May-18 02:49:55

No way whatsoever.

ladycarlotta Wed 23-May-18 03:22:50

Eww, no. Not that I think they'll be shagging, but it's not a hanging-out opportunity. Back in my babysitting days (the early 2000s), I felt very strongly that this was 'unprofessional' behaviour, but then I was quite an uptight teen.

At least she asked.

moita Wed 23-May-18 03:54:27


emmyrose2000 Wed 23-May-18 04:21:32


thatmustbenigelwiththebrie Wed 23-May-18 04:36:07

I think it's fine. I wouldn't have a problem.

thebewilderness Wed 23-May-18 05:06:15

Never bring your boyfriend to the job site.
That is a rule.

agnurse Wed 23-May-18 05:08:04

Absolutely not! When I was growing up and baby-sitting it was part of the standard practice that you NEVER brought your boyfriend or any other friend over. EVER. They could distract you from the children. I'm shocked she even ASKED. To me that was a no-brainer.

memaymamo Wed 23-May-18 05:11:07

"Thank you for asking, but our family policy is no extra visitors while babysitting. Hope all's going well!"

Don't even overthink it, you're well within your rights.

Pengggwn Wed 23-May-18 05:37:09

I don't think it would prevent her 'leaping into action' hmm But you're perfectly within your rights not to want a stranger in your home. She sounds quite young - how old?

Luisa27 Wed 23-May-18 07:09:46

Definitely not.... agree with pp...I’d say no.
My sister recently had a horrible situation when her DD 6, got up (after repeatedly calling out) to ask for a drink and walked in on the babysitter and her bf having sex on the sitting room floor - totally naked.
DD started to cry before they realised she was there.

SmashedMug Wed 23-May-18 07:11:50

Well, even if you say no, you do realise she will just invite him anyway?

I'd cancel.

Luisa27 Wed 23-May-18 07:16:02

It’s made things a bit awkward because the babysitter is ndn daughter who they’ve known for years and regularly sits for them - she’s 18. My niece told her parents the next morning and became upset again - saying bf was hurting her and they were ‘struggling together with no clothes on’shock
Obviously my sister asked babysitter what had happened, and the whole story unfolded

Loopytiles Wed 23-May-18 07:16:34

That’s not a given, smashedmug, and if she did that it’d be a sacking offence!

Luisa27 Wed 23-May-18 07:18:05

You’re probably right smashed - my sister and her DH didn’t even know the boyfriend had been round....she hadn’t asked their permission

greenlynx Wed 23-May-18 07:20:07

I think Smashed is right.

Lostoldusername Wed 23-May-18 07:22:59

I'd just say

Sorry but "child's name" is a bit wary of strangers at the moment and I wouldn't want her to get upset if she suddenly came downstairs.
See you "day of babysitting"

BlueJava Wed 23-May-18 07:28:26

I'd say no to the boyfriend and in future I wouldn't ask her if she smokes.

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit Wed 23-May-18 07:31:48

It's a no from me too. We don't allow our au pair to have her boyfriend over. No idea who he is. He's not dbs checked etc. They're going to want to shag. It's what young couples do. All the time if I remember correctly.

Luisa27 Wed 23-May-18 07:34:27

Ahahaha - yes sarcasm you do remember correctly 😂

Fflamingo Wed 23-May-18 07:41:07

You don't want a stranger in your house whilst you are out, let alone whilst DCs are there. You don't know them, and even a brief introduction doesn't mean you know of the person, just say no, or no you don't have strangers in your house, then she can't sneak him in and pretend he'd called in to drop something off to her, or similar excuse.

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