Talk

Advanced search

To wish there wasn't a stigma attached to being trans?

(57 Posts)
OrderMeAnotherCurry Tue 22-May-18 21:16:38

For context, I am a transwoman. I know that it is impossible to change sex and that I am male and always will be. I can continue to take hormones and have surgery to make my body resemble that of a woman but I know I will never actually be a woman.

I don't want to ramble too much and I just want to get to the point but in my darkest days I used to hate the fact I was male and would never be able to change that. I was self harming, attempting suicide, starving myself, etc because I hated it that much and didn't know how to deal with it.

I know that as I have gotten older and learned how to deal with my issues without feeling the need to turn in on myself, I have also began to accept that I am not female and that is okay. I am trans and there is nothing wrong with that.

I wish that I was able to shout loud and proud that I am trans but I feel like everywhere I look it feels like I am being pushed into having to say that I'm a woman and that I'm being pushed into pretending to be something that I'm not.

Women deal with things that I as a transwoman will never have to and likewise I have to go through things women never will. Acknowledging those differences between us shouldn't be viewed as a bad thing or branded as being bigoted or transphobic. We deserve rights and protections but we need different rights and protections to that of women because we are different. Different does not mean lesser than or worse.

I think if there wasn't a stigma attached to being trans then we wouldn't need to have people insisting that transwomen are women as if being different is some kind of dirty secret.

I don't think it's doing anyone any favours to constantly pretend that we are exactly the same and don't need different kind of support when it comes to services such as mental health support, rape crisis and domestic violence, etc.

Perhaps we need to move away from the idea that being different is somehow othering or viewed as being a bad or shameful thing. Perhaps we need to embrace these differences instead.

OrderMeAnotherCurry Tue 22-May-18 21:19:52

Please don't mind any typos blush. I have had a long day.

TheSpottedZebra Tue 22-May-18 21:21:25

Well, start doing that then.

NoSquirrels Tue 22-May-18 21:22:54

I’ll stand with you on that, OP.
flowers
People live different lives. Our differences are what make us who we are. Not what legal category we belong to. Categories are important for safe, robust laws. Not for acceptance.

Jammydodger81 Tue 22-May-18 21:26:12

Unmumsnetty hugs curry. It must be so hard in the current climate to stand up and do things differently. I have always read your posts on trans threads with admiration, your posts are full of level headed reason and brave experiences and opinions that you share.

MarklahMarklah Tue 22-May-18 21:30:07

Absolutely agree - we need to embrace being different. As you say, you can't be biologically what you are not, but you can be what makes you happy and how you are most comfortable, mentally and physically.

I have a couple of acquaintances who are, for want of a better word, trans. I don't know them well enough to know categorically whether they identify as female or trans. They are certainly very feminine - more feminine than I am, and I am biologically female. However, they do know that I wholly accept them as who they are, and don't wish to enforce any labels or behaviours on them that they are not comfortable with. When I see them, I see them as "Julie" and "Helen" (not their real names), not as "that woman who used to be a bloke" or "that tranny" or anything else.

PleaseDontGoadTheToad Tue 22-May-18 21:42:52

I have been saying this for ages.

YADNBU.

PleaseDontGoadTheToad Tue 22-May-18 21:45:07

Having a bad day Zebra?

FizzyGreenWater Tue 22-May-18 21:48:49

Women deal with things that I as a transwoman will never have to and likewise I have to go through things women never will. Acknowledging those differences between us shouldn't be viewed as a bad thing or branded as being bigoted or transphobic. We deserve rights and protections but we need different rights and protections to that of women because we are different. Different does not mean lesser than or worse.

yes yes yes yes yes

I'm furious with the current situation and the all new shiny woman-hating (because that's what it is) transwagon everyone is sooo keen to jump on, not noticing that the driver is a misogynist MRA with a mask on. I'm angry at the way women are being disregarded and frankly shat on from the political parties down. But I'm also frustrated for transwomen like you. Because the reality is that it is as you say. Transwomen are not women. They aren't men either. They are transwomen and have unique challenges, needs, experiences that none of what is happening now is helping us recognise or address. Not only is the TRA movement deeply hostile to women, they use what are pretty much the majority of people who identify as transwomen as nothing more than ciphers to advance their horribly misogynistic agenda.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Tue 22-May-18 21:49:51

It must be incredibly hard . I can’t even imagine it really . But you will have good days I hope ? I really hope that there are happy and good days for you .

I fucking hate the politicised climate right now . I really feel wounded when I read what people say

Dear OP I just hope no one comes on and is nasty and flowers

And if I were trans I would be very wary with social media . This site included sad

ghostyslovesheets Tue 22-May-18 21:51:11

I'm sorry you feel this way

Women deal with things that I as a transwoman will never have to and likewise I have to go through things women never will. Acknowledging those differences between us shouldn't be viewed as a bad thing or branded as being bigoted or transphobic. We deserve rights and protections but we need different rights and protections to that of women because we are different. Different does not mean lesser than or worse

totally in agreement with this

AnnUnderTheFryingPan Tue 22-May-18 21:51:51

Couldn’t agree more OP.

Your life path has been very different to mine. No less meaningful or valuable. Just different.

I’d stand with you, support you, defend you. I’d fight for your rights.

But I can’t do that the way things are. Because women are being asked to compromise too much, and we have fought for what we have.

I want to see trans people smashing the patriarchy. Demolishing gender stereotypes. All I see are those shouting the loudest reinforcing it. I’m sorry for both of us.

glenthebattleostrich Tue 22-May-18 21:53:00

But this won't happen while we worship at the alter of identity.

And while a tiny number of a tiny group keep shouting loudly the negative effects will be felt not just by natal women bit also those with a genuine dysmorphia (sp) and mental health services to help these groups will be cut.

SmileEachDay Tue 22-May-18 21:53:20

Yup.
Yup.

Aaaaand

Yup.

<waits for someone to say you’re transphobic>

Reality Tue 22-May-18 21:54:33

Yes, this. I actually put something to this effect on twitter the other day and it took off a bit, so I’m obvs not alone in thinking it. Trans should be something to be proud of, not something that’s erased by claiming people have magically become the other sex.

Be fabulous and own it.

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot Tue 22-May-18 21:56:31

The stigma has arisen due to the campaigners shouting and stamping their feet. Back in the day before the trans movement became a thing a trans person would probably illicit a side glance but nothing more and life continued.

Blame the tumblrinas

InfiniteSheldon Tue 22-May-18 21:57:34

Absolutely own your differences and love who you are flowers

PurplePumpkinPiss Tue 22-May-18 21:58:21

Be fabulous and own it

This ^

Sorry life feels tough OP flowers

museumum Tue 22-May-18 21:59:52

Agree 100%

FermatsTheorem Tue 22-May-18 22:06:44

Totally agree with all of that, Curry.

You are one of the posters I admire most on MN (I can imagine enjoying going for a beer with you in RL). I really hope that one day you can be publicly proud of who you are and your history in getting there - you certainly deserve to be proud.

InspMorse Tue 22-May-18 22:06:57

I wish that I was able to shout loud and proud that I am trans but I feel like everywhere I look it feels like I am being pushed into having to say that I'm a woman and that I'm being pushed into pretending to be something that I'm not.

I must live on a different planet sometimes.
I think one problem is that (far too) many people feel the need to 'shout' loud and proud about who they are, what they believe in.
There is such a desire to be heard, seen & validated by others.
My wish is that everyone could just get on with the lives they choose without the need to shout about anything. No ego required.
Many many people really don't care who or what you choose to be or how you choose to live your life. They are happy to just live alongside others. There are many more people who feel like this than you think.

OrderMeAnotherCurry Tue 22-May-18 22:14:20

I can imagine enjoying going for a beer with you in RL

gin

OrderMeAnotherCurry Tue 22-May-18 22:17:05

My wish is that everyone could just get on with the lives they choose without the need to shout about anything.

This is my wish too and until recently I did exactly that.

Unfortunately I now feel the need to have to shout loud and proud because I don't want to be lumped in with the TRA's.

If people weren't insisting that transwomen are women and shutting down anyone who disagrees then maybe I wouldn't need to shout.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Tue 22-May-18 22:17:43

Curry a brave, wise and honest post as usual.
flowers

Beamur Tue 22-May-18 22:20:00

YANBU

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: