To hire a cleaner?

[Pugmomma]

Myself and my partner both work full time, have a 4 year old DD (& 2 fur babies!).

By the time we get home from work, have walked the dogs, cooked tea, done DD’s homework with her, bathed and put her to bed and just generally spent time with her as she goes to breakfast club and after school club until 6 so we only have a couple of hours with her on a weekday. We’re both also fairly active and take turns to go to the gym (usually alternating days).. we seem to have no time whatsoever to properly keep up with the cleaning/washing/ironing.

By the time teas cooked, eaten, DD in bed, dogs walked, been the gym, had a shower it’s around 9/10pm and I’m exhausted.

Would any of you care to share if/how you keep up with housework along with full time hours/kids/pets and generally having a life with hobbies?

I mentioned hiring a cleaner just for a couple of hours on a Friday to my DM & she went on a big rant of waste of money and it’s laziness etc and how she managed as a working mother when I was younger etc.. but truly, I don’t know how she did it..

Are we lazy? Or do you think a cleaner would be a reasonable option? Anyone who’s been in the same situation please share!

[NukaColaGirl]

Single Mum to 3DC, between college and work I do 50 hours a week with DC in day care from 8am till 5:30pm.

I have a cleaner, 4 hours per week and have done for 18 months.

Life changing, worth every penny and my cleaner is now a family friend.

[immortalmarble]

Well, you’re really not going to get anyone here saying “yes, you are lazy!” are you?

Honestly, the best thing to do is not to overthink these things. I bet you wouldn’t think twice about (say) buying a dishwasher to make life easier. No point in doing things by hand or yourself if you can afford otherwise.

I just wouldn’t justify it because yes it is true some people work full time and have children and still could never afford a cleaner but that’s not your issue.

[bimbobaggins]

Id definitely get a cleaner. You aren’t lazy if you get a cleaner!

[Pugmomma]

Nuka wow god bless you, that’s a lot of hours, I think you’re amazing for that with 3 DC’s! What is it you’re studying at college? Good luck with whatever it is

immortal well my own mother called me lazy just 2 days ago but you are right with the points you’ve made. We can afford it but really struggling to justify it due to mine and OH’s background, both very working class backgrounds and DM’s seemed like wonder women. That’s the reason for my feeling so inadequate I suppose!

Other option is to request working an hour less on day a Friday to have time to sort house out while it’s empty etc.

[JaceLancs]

I used to have a cleaner for 3 hours a week (3 bed semi) 3 residents
Currently can’t afford it so I do 2 hours on a Sunday early evening
DS also helps
I keep on top of washing during week
Everyone does their own ironing, room cleaning, bed changing etc
Cooking and shopping is not a chore for me - so shop and cook from scratch every day
Self and adult DS work ft as does DD but she is mostly at her DPs

[Nothisispatrick]

Just go for it, honestly its life changing. The only things I have to do during the week are keep on top of the kitchen, one load of washing, and a quick tidy up on a Thursday before they come on Friday. It costs £25 a week, but id probably pay double just for never having to clean floors.

[RedSkyAtNight]

Well I couldn't hire a cleaner because I'd feel lazy, I'd likely worry about whether the cleaner was doing a good job and end up doing lots myself anyway (experience of everyone I know with a cleaner!) plus I'd begrudge the money as I could do it myself.

In terms of how we manage - the house is left clean/tidy every evening i.e. dishes washed, kitchen surfaces wiped down, lounge tidy and hoovered if necessary. Get the 4 year old involved in doing this, but none should be a big job (say 20 minutes max) if you are all out all day. Put load of washing in over night, hang up in morning and fold and put away when get home from work.

Then on Sunday morning we have an hour where everyone pitches in. That's plenty to keep on top of the basics.

[BlueJava]

Just get one - no need to justify it by checking you aren't lazy! We've had one for 14 years and its wonderful. When we come in from work on a Friday evening and it's all sparkling I love it.

[randomchap]

If you can afford it, do it. You can spend more time doing fun and exciting things with the DD and dogs. Don't be a martyr to a 1950's idea of what a wife should be.

[immortalmarble]

Well yes, and maybe it is “lazy” but there is no inherent virtue in doing something yourself if you don’t have to.

I am “lazy” when I drive when I could walk but I drive because it’s easier.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

We can afford it but really struggling to justify it due to mine and OH’s background

Not getting a cleaner because you think you're not worthy, or something, is ridiculous.

There's all these other people - happily ridding themselves of a load of onerous cleaning tasks - without a backward glance. But you don't think you deserve it?!

That's crazy. Just get the cleaner. I just cannot imagine hand-wringing over such a simple out-sourcing matter.

[immortalmarble]

What do you mean “background”?

[HuckfromScandal]

Get a cleaner
Stop calling your dogs fur babies

Hth

[NukaColaGirl]

@Pugmomma Access Science Condensed version of A Level Bio and Chem assessed slightly different to allow for mature students. Less exams more coursework sort of thing. It’s been a crazy year but I’m almost done and have my Uni place for September. Not bad for a 31 year old who’s been out of education since I was 17 (bombed my A Levels)!

Definitely get the cleaner. Try to get local recommendations, and ascertain what they will and won’t do. My cleaner tidies for me but lots don’t, she also puts my laundry away and she will do an extra hour or two at short notice on weeks when I have assignments or exams and need to focus on them. She really is amazing and I’m so lucky. I think it stems from being a single parent herself (hers are grown up now) so she “gets” it.

[UpperWallop]

You're already Wonder Woman in my eyes by working full time with a child and dogs and having a relationship! Really and truly, put down your guilt and get a cleaner. Here's an even better idea. Go down to a 4 day week, get a cleaner on a Thursday and spend friday wafting round your lovely clean house and enjoying yourself. Life is truly too short to clean if you don't have to or to give it another thought. Also, do you think men worry about this shit? Give the money to someone who needs it by paying a cleaner. Forget your mothers opinion - it's got nothing to do with her. Either don't tell her or just close her down when she passes negative comments.

[TitZillas]

My approach to this is that I’d prefer to be at the gym or out running or cycling - benefitting my health and well-being both mentally and physically. Cleaning the house doesn’t tick any of those boxes for me, so I’d rather pay someone else to do them so I can keep my free time for me. Selfish? Maybe. But not lazy.

[IsMyUserNameRubbish]

Are you and your husband not off on a weekend? can you not do it together, say, Saturday morning for an hour or two, then an hour Wednesday night? That's what me and my husband used to do, yes we were both knackered but once done, we could relax, as for tidying up the kiddies toys, they was just thrown in a box at the end of each day. We could also afford a cleaner but wanted to do it ourselves. The money you'd pay a cleaner, could go in a piggy bank for the children. Anyway, when you're looking after children you could never be called lazy, we're through it again minding my grandchildren two days a week and we're shattered at the end of the day, so don't listen to anyone and do what's best for you, at the end of the day, you can look at it like you're employing someone and helping them out, each to their own.

[Keeptrudging]

Definitely. It gives you back some balance in your life. We both work FT, have busy lives outside work (providing a taxi service to DCs). Without a cleaner, our weekends would be spent cleaning. We've had our cleaner for 7 years, she gets paid over the odds, loves her job because she can fit it round her own kids and it's flexible. She's not exploited and we're not lazy, just really busy.

[Piglet208]

Hiring a cleaner was the best thing I ever did. We have reclaimed some sanity and time. Don't be put off by negative views. How you choose to spend your money is entirely yours.

[Loandbeholdagain]

I felt similar to you until a friend told me I was being weird about this. She’s not British and said you’re giving someone a job. Why would you feel guilty about spreading your wealth, it’s one of the most pro social things to do with your money. So yeah, stop justifying it. Just do it.

[Blaablaablaa]

If you can afford it definitely get one. I kept mine when I was on mat leave! Just knowing the house gets a decent clean is worth every penny

[bridgetreilly]

Get a cleaner. Ignore your mother.

[MissCharleyP]

I’d get one if DH would let me, I HATE housework. I don’t mind laundry but that’s it, everything else is boring, repetitive and unsatisfying. So many other enjoyable things I could do with my time. Fortunately DH is retired and doesn’t mind doing it, he’s ill at the moment and not up to doing much and I’ve considered hiring someone on the quiet for days he’s in hospital as I just hate it so much.

Could your mum be jealous that she didn’t have that option? I know it sounds weird but my DM can be a bit like this, belittling things that she didn’t have/can’t afford. For example, I have two Pandora bracelets that DH bought me and added charms to over the last couple of years and when I showed her I got: “Well, it’s pretty but it would get on my nerves with all those ‘things’ on it”, last week we were at my DBs for an afternoon tea (girls only for royal wedding) and my SIL congratulated me on passing assessments for a new job (just waiting for my medical and start date) and DM comes out with “Oh, did you get in? Your dad never told me!” Except....he didn’t need to as when I passed I rang their house and told her, my dad wasn’t even there he was at footy with my brother!

[Luisa27]

Employ a cleaner! It’s life changing and is the best money ever spent.

When I had my first baby - we decided that we wanted to spend all our spare time with the baby, cooking, seeing friends, exercising blah blah blah- essentially not cleaning! I’m a perfectionist as far as a clean house goes, and I knew I’d become ‘down’ about it all if standards dropped. We have a fabulous lady who comes to us 2hrs a day 9-11 Mon - Fri. She takes care of the ironing and all cleaning - she’s so precious to us, and makes our lives so much better....I honestly can’t express how life changing her presence is to us as a family.
Coincidentally OP - it was my beautiful mama who suggested a cleaner in the first place. Ignore your mum - do it!

[littleneepo]

Similar to others, Hiring a cleaner was a bit of a life saver for me! I used to get home, knackered, and get so stressed from then having to clean but knowing my lovely cleaner is coming on Fridays makes me able to relax a bit. My mum was similar to what you describe, a bit shocked due to her background but I didn’t let it worry me!
Bit of advice is try to get a friend or local recommendation as I’ve been through a few bad cleaners to find a good one!