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Should I feel guilty about this or not ?!

(129 Posts)
2furbabies Tue 22-May-18 01:36:43

I'll try to keep this short... ish

Basically Dp and I are splitting we cannot get on and after 2 years of trying for our child it's just not working.
He expects me to do everything around the house and all that bla bla but the main issue was he was always tired or not horny and honestly we only have sex about once a month!! Sorry for the prudes out there but I love sex I'd do it everyday if I could! He wouldn't go near me when I was pregnant and then the traumatic labour meant we went 1.3 years without any sex 😩 and then when we could he's too tired or doesn't want too! Not toting my own horn but I'm an attractive female in her late twenties I know I can get my desires fulfilled lol
Soooo we've been split up a month now and he's in the process of moving out and there's a really cute guy I've known for years who I know for a fact will take me on a date and the rest hopefully ha! But I feel guilty!! There's no chance of getting back with my ex I love him to pieces but it's never going to work no matter how much we both try so why do I feel guilty ?! Am I missing something here because my friends tell me to go for it. It's nothing serious just fun and I'm very much ok with that!

Twinkleheth Tue 22-May-18 01:41:39

I think the first time after ending a relationship will feel strange. You say you still care about your ex so that will be adding to the mixed up feelings. You’re absolutely entitled to go on a date though, without feeling guilty. But I suppose what I’m saying is that feelings are complicated, and how you are feeling is normal. Just out of interest, how would you feel if your ex had a similar date?

2furbabies Tue 22-May-18 01:48:22

That's the thing isn't it! Always so complicated because I would of course still be with him if I thought it could work. It would make me feel sick knowing he was doing that but it wouldn't surprise me either because he's not gone near me in such a long time

MyRelationshipIsWeird Tue 22-May-18 01:52:07

It’s very early days - only split a month, you still love him, he hasn’t even moved out yet - I’d say give it a while longer before jumping into anything new. It will be strange whenever it happens but it’s not really fair on the new guy if you’re still so entangled with your ex.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 22-May-18 03:12:47

You are splitting up. You haven't actually split up if he's still moving out. You still love him.

Messy messy messy.

If this other bloke is a friend, I would wait.

IamtheDevilsAvocado Tue 22-May-18 06:58:49

If you still love the current guy... Has he asked for professional help?
Is he depressed?
Is there a physical cause to check out?

Seems a pity to end it, IF there is something that can be done to help his libido?

2furbabies Wed 23-May-18 14:27:07

Thanks for the replies everyone there's bit more too it. So he has serious OCD and expects the house to be super clean which it always is! Littlest thing out of place and he calls me names can be quite verbally abusive also! He knows he needs help but refuses to get it!! And now that I'm finally ready to leave him he's begging for me back!!!! Wtfffffff do I do!! I want to have sex with the friend because I am so frustrated and now DP wants me back but there has been emotional abuse too and as much as I love the man I really don't want that for our child xx

2furbabies Wed 23-May-18 14:27:38

Literally don't know what to do as if shag new guy then get back with dp at some point then I'll obv have to tell him xx

TheDrinksAreOnMe Wed 23-May-18 14:29:45

Your last post makes me think you are not actually all that ready to leave. You can actually visualise getting back together.
Saying that, if the realtionship is being abusive you need to learnt to leave it ALL behind, dont even consider going back to abuse!

2furbabies Wed 23-May-18 14:30:22

@IamtheDevilsAvocado he says it's because he's tired or that I don't dress up nice enough for him to feel attracted to me...... then in the next heartbeat says he loves me doesn't want it to end etc but I can't keep going like this. It's the utter disrespect and under appreciated feeling that is doing me in if I'm honest and then of course no sex or cuddles on top makes
Me a very moody woman! He's even mention about my weight before! I had our baby 7 months ago and I'm already a size 10 have visable ab lines! His mum is a personal trainer for gods sake of course I'm in good shape!

A4710Rider Wed 23-May-18 14:30:50

Littlest thing out of place and he calls me names can be quite verbally abusive also

And you love him?

2furbabies Wed 23-May-18 14:31:27

@A4710Rider yeah somehow ?!!!

ShatnersWig Wed 23-May-18 14:32:19

Fuck who you like, what's it got to do with us?

But I'd at least have the decency to wait until your ex-DP has fully moved out. Well done for moving on so incredibly quickly, telling us all how attractive you are and how easy you will (and have) found it to find a guy who wants to shag you knowing you're in the middle of splitting up.

Oh and although you don't want to get back with your ex-DP you're still in love with him. I'd say wait a bit bloody longer than four weeks before you start fucking other cute guys. Buy a bloody toy.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 23-May-18 14:32:38

if shag new guy then get back with dp at some point then I'll obv have to tell him

Why on earth would you want to get back with your ex? He emotionally abuses you and withholds sex... if that's the reason you're splitting up now, he'll still be the same if you get back together...?

Stick to your guns and spilt. Wait for him to move out then start dating again when you're ready. I don't think you are yet, you are still very entangled with your ex.

A4710Rider Wed 23-May-18 14:33:06

Then you've got issues you need to look into as well I'm afraid.

2furbabies Wed 23-May-18 14:33:34


I wouldn't leave him if I'm honest because most of the time it's good and he's nice but sometimes he can be very cruel with the things he says! Then won't apologise but on the other side he will then go away think about what's been done and try to change himself which is amazing! But it's only 25 per cent of the time! I guess he truth is he's a good man at heart but I don't think I hang around long enough for him to find himself I think I'm slowing him down

2furbabies Wed 23-May-18 14:35:21

What's with the jealous tone ?

2furbabies Wed 23-May-18 14:36:35

@ShatnersWig I came here to ask for advice 😂 sorry me being attractive annoys you! I have modelled for years I know my worth! I've just let what young girls these days call a "fuck boy"
Mess with my head I think! I've fallen in love with someone who's toxic as fuck and had a child with him I do need to get out! Hence wanting to shag someone else lol

2furbabies Wed 23-May-18 14:38:12


Your right I don't think I'm right yet either! I wish I was though! I feel like if I did have sex with the new guy then I wouldn't be so tempted to go back to ex! But who knows I'm still incredibly sleep deprived and depressed that I had a baby 7 months ago and my relationship has just steadily fallen apart since 😩

ShatnersWig Wed 23-May-18 14:38:50

Your posts have quite a boastful tone about them. Think about it.

"Not toting my own horn but I'm an attractive female in her late twenties I know I can get my desires fulfilled lol"

"there's a really cute guy I've known for years who I know for a fact will take me on a date and the rest hopefully ha!"

"I had our baby 7 months ago and I'm already a size 10 have visable ab lines!"

2furbabies Wed 23-May-18 14:40:19

@ShatnersWig and you sound very jealous 😂 these things are all true I'm
Afraid. I have worked my absolute ass off in the gym and kitchen to get my body better than before I had my baby! I know my worth is a shame you have to pick up on that instead of what I'm trying to say

Emmageddon Wed 23-May-18 14:40:28

Life's too short to be miserable. You've made the decision to end your marriage so nothing is stopping you from starting a relationship with another man. Your ex will just have to accept you are moving on.

2furbabies Wed 23-May-18 14:41:33

@Emmageddon sadly it was him who ended it! It always is! But now he can see I've accepted it he's doing a u turn and I'm starting to think it's all part of the abusive game he's playing! Which I'm not even sure he knows he's doing ? Very confusing

ShatnersWig Wed 23-May-18 14:43:24

Nope, not at all jealous. But you could have told us things without all the boasting. You'd have come over much nicer.

Advice is still the same. You can fuck who you want if you're no longer in a relationship but probably best to wait until your head is in the right place and your ex-DP has actually moved out. You'll certainly be better off without him, he's no catch.

2furbabies Wed 23-May-18 14:46:43

@ShatnersWig by the way if you had managed to read past your own self loathing you would of understood I was just trying to make a point that I don't need to do any extra as a lot of people give the advice of trying harder using more makeup going to the gym and I was stating that I've already done it all I am a good looking woman why should I be quiet about that ? I've been made to feel
Ugly and I know now I'm damn well not

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