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An actual, real list for your husband, really?

(210 Posts)
LifesTooShortForYourNonsense Mon 21-May-18 21:56:42

There were 3 mums talking on the pick up from school today about the lists they have for their husbands - I was a bit speechless, as they were talking about real, written lists. Of stuff to do. For their full time working husbands, when they either don't work or work part time. Do people really do this? And, stay married? I don't understand, I would never... How disrespectful. I'm just imagining if my DH did this for me, I'd be so out the door! AIBU, or should I start a list!

LePamplemoussse Mon 21-May-18 21:59:26

So working full time means the husband doesn’t have to pitch in on family life ever? hmm Of course my husband has a to do list, as do I. If things need doing, I tell him. Not disrespectful at all, just a normal relationship.

funmummy48 Mon 21-May-18 22:01:02

We have a general list of things that need doing, short term and longer term. Either of us adds to it or crossed things off. Sometimes I leave a separate list for my husband, sometimes he leaves one for me. I can't see the problem? 😀

Alwayssearching Mon 21-May-18 22:01:20

My dp sometimes asks me to, not things like ' wash up' ' hoover' as they r things that we naturally do.
But if I'm out and he's staying in hell say anything need doing out of the ordinary, write it so I don't forget. I. E defrost freezer, bleach down door frames etc.
But not all the time.
However a shopping list would have to be written for three items lmao or hell come back with a trolley full of crap and not the items he went for.

Mamaryllis Mon 21-May-18 22:01:46

The ‘Honey Do’ list? Yeah. I know loads of people who add stuff to the honey do list. I don’t have one (when I get pissy I write jobs on the blackboard) but isn’t it normal to keep a list of what needs doing?

Alwayssearching Mon 21-May-18 22:02:13

By ordinary I mean the daily things to do

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 21-May-18 22:02:55


I’d expect my husband to be as impressed by me leaving him a list as I would be if he did it - not fucking much.

And we BOTH work ft. Amazing how we manage to feed ourselves, keep a roof over our heads, pay the bills, book days out, plan things, see friends and look after two children.

MrsDylanBlue Mon 21-May-18 22:03:11

My husband will list every teeny tiny thing he has done while I have been out - I do not feel the need to do this grin

whatisthisimleaking Mon 21-May-18 22:03:41

I don't do this but don't see the problem. Perhaps their husbands are forgetful (my DP certainly is) and the list actually prevents an argument because the women you spoke to aren't getting frustrated that said partners keep forgetting.

Meralia Mon 21-May-18 22:04:03

How is it disrespectful? Depends what is on the list I suppose...

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 21-May-18 22:04:30

I imagine OP thinks equally capable adults who share a home can manage to get things done without one leaving the other step by step instructions @LePamplemoussse.

But I may be wrong.

Sunshineface123 Mon 21-May-18 22:05:07

always bleach door frames? Why? Didn't know this was a thing!

Sorry slightly off subject. I think it's ok to have lists of things that need completing, assuming these people work part time or not all as looking after young children therefore not time to do all the jobs maybe?

Dungandbother Mon 21-May-18 22:06:01

My ex couldn't think for himself. Lists were essential. Including ITS SUNDAY. PUT THE BINS OUT.

So glad he's now ex

Dafspunk Mon 21-May-18 22:06:07

How often are we supposed to bleach down our door frames? confused

supersop60 Mon 21-May-18 22:06:15

If my DP ever wrote a list for me I'd be hmm. There's no way I'd write a list for him. I might say 'can you empty the washing machine if you're in?'. He might ask me to get milk and bread on the way home. No lists.
His sister rang the other day and I said he was busy in the garage. I heard him say "No, I haven't been put to task".
And ^^ how often do you bleach the doorframes always?

cunningartificer Mon 21-May-18 22:07:04

Mutual lists fine. For household. Lists for each other not so much.

MimpiDreams Mon 21-May-18 22:07:50

I have an app on my phone which lists tasks for him to do. It automatically sends the list to his phone. The list is massive so he just does what he he feels up to over the weekend. Some weekends he crosses off loads, others he does very little as he's too tired.

CocoaGin Mon 21-May-18 22:07:50

I'm writing DH a list as we speak.

Mainly along the lines of going to the chemist tomorrow and buying anti-histamines as if he sniffs once more, I may kill him.

It will be stapled to his forehead so he doesn't forget it.

RedPandaMama Mon 21-May-18 22:08:03

I write my DP a list. He's useless at doing jobs, his excuse 'I'm lazy and forgetful, sorry!' which is true but not an excuse! grin He gets left a list sometimes, never many things, it's usually on a post-it stuck to the fridge. Last weekend I was working and I left him a list on a post-it to take the bins out, hang up clean washing and hoover the downstairs carpets.

HellenaHandbasket Mon 21-May-18 22:08:34

I wouldn't write a list, however I get the sense you are surprised at this more because the husbands work full time and they don't/are part time? I'll sometimes remind DH about stuff that needs doing, as will he.

JustHereForThePooStories Mon 21-May-18 22:08:47

A family member does this with her husband. They both work full time. If she’s not home overnight/at the weekend (she travels quite a bit for work), she leaves him a list of chores he must do. He’s a tidy, conscious individual who is very capable of keeping the house tipping over while she’s away, but she likes to be in control.

Don’t know how he puts up with her.

Copperbonnet Mon 21-May-18 22:08:50

You would find it disrespectful but their DH’s might not.

The lists might contain activities that only the DH can do eg financial stuff or utilities in his name only, physical things which their wife isn’t strong or tall enough to do or things which the DH has more skills in than their wife.

I wouldn’t write a list for my DH but there are things he alone can do (despite the fact that I’m currently a SAHM).

We have lightbulbs I can’t reach even with a step ladder for example. There’s also currently something I need moved in the garage which I can’t lift.

Some people like having a concrete list to work through. <shrug>

People organise their lives and marriages differently. It’s not a big deal if everyone is happy.

LuluJakey1 Mon 21-May-18 22:09:10

always at the risk of sounding like I never clean, what does 'bleaching down the doorframes ' involve? Does it just meant wiping off fingerprints with antibacterial spray and a cloth or is it more than that. I am now thinking my door frames must be minging because I have never heard of this cleaning practice and never do it.

DesignedForLife Mon 21-May-18 22:10:06

Of course it's inconceivable that a full time working man should do anything around the house.

We don't have a list as such. DH knows the jobs he's got to do (because I'm about as good at general DIY as a chicken) and he'll get round to them sometime in the next decade.

I have a list for me, and DH adds to it. But I tend to forget things.

AnxiousPeg Mon 21-May-18 22:11:00

bleach door frames


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