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AIBU?

To not meet up on Weekend

21 replies

silverstarling1 · 21/05/2018 16:20

So basically my son is 4, in reception. There is another mother who’s son is also in reception, she seems so nice and we live the same way so sometimes end up walking home together. BUT.. her son hits ALOT. He hits her, he hits his little brother in the pram, he hits his dad when he picks him up, he just seems to be constantly angry or agitated.

Problem is his mother keeps asking to have my ds round for tea, texts every weekend asking us to come round or go somewhere together, she is a lovely lady and I appreciate her thinking to invite us but truth is I don’t want ds (or my toddler) around his behaviour. I feel awful saying it cause he’s just a child but it’s how I feel. I don’t want to upset her so I make up a new excuse every weekend.. and I don’t know what to say, if anything!

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Sirzy · 21/05/2018 16:22

Has he ever hit your son? Does your son want to go?

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silverstarling1 · 21/05/2018 16:25

He’s apparently pushed him a few times in school according to my son, but they don’t usually play together at all.. I’ve asked if he’s wanted to go round and he just says he wants the other boy to come to ours instead, but I’m not too comfortable looking after him if he doesn’t even listen to his own parents :/

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Sirzy · 21/05/2018 16:26

He is 4. Give the poor lad a chance!

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Jammycustard · 21/05/2018 16:32

I don’t see what being 4 has to do with it, my 3 and 4 year old know not to hit, as did the 4 year olds I used to teach.
What does the mum and dad do when he hits? Do they deal with it and it stops or are they a bit wet about it? I wouldn’t be rushing to have my children hang around with a child who gets away with hitting.

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Aprilmightbemynewname · 21/05/2018 16:35

I have hosted plenty of mini yobs and all behave for me!!
Give him a try, you can always cut the time short if he is a nightmare!!

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MartagonLilies · 21/05/2018 16:39

OP do you think this may be more for the mum? I've almost given up extending invites, as no one takes me up - I just want some friends!

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silverstarling1 · 21/05/2018 16:39

His mum and dad do tell him off.. but he’s still hitting them while their telling him, and continues after. Doesn’t seem to have any affect at all

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silverstarling1 · 21/05/2018 16:41

MartagonLilies I’m the same, I’ve rather gotten used to the lonely mother life and I’d meet up with her on her own that would be great but she never wants to be without the kids, which is the same as me really

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Allthewaves · 21/05/2018 16:44

I'd give it a try. If he's round yours just keep an eye. Start short and say he can come over for an hour. My kids listen brilliant to other kids parents.

Do u see a reason for the hitting?

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SleepingStandingUp · 21/05/2018 16:45

Go with him and say something if something happens

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fuzzyfozzy · 21/05/2018 16:48

It depends whether you'd be happy telling him off on your own turf.
If so, invite him to yours and see how it goes.
If not say your ds isn't interested in play dates yet.

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ladybirdsaredotty · 21/05/2018 16:56

I had similar and just never met up, they stopped asking eventually. This child was also 4. She's the same now she's 7. Sad, but actually not mine or my DD's issue to fix. Her parents didn't deal with her behaviour so I wasn't prepared to put my DD in that situation. But the girl was also mean to her at school (not for long though, teachers did deal with it!)

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Jammycustard · 21/05/2018 16:58

I probably would keep fobbing her off tbh, but I can’t be bothered with kids that don’t listen. However, if you’re nicer than me could you have mum over with him, then you can chat, see how it goes, then if it kicks off she’s there to deal with it and you can say no to another time until the kids get on a bit better.

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RandomMess · 21/05/2018 17:01

Invite child to yours layout house rules at the start "kind hands no hitting or throwing". One warning about being taken home if he dies it again, ting parents to collect/take home if he does...

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starfish4 · 21/05/2018 17:05

If she invites your son around, how about being cheeky and asking if you could join her for a coffee at the same time. That way, you can see what goes on. If she is nice, then you could build up that side a bit so sometimes you're both together for play dates, trip to the park on the waUnfortunately, this does happen. I didn't like my friend's son's behaviour when he was young, he's turned into the most lovely teenager.

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Gemini69 · 21/05/2018 17:08

Nope Flowers

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MumofBoysx2 · 21/05/2018 17:20

Invite him to yours instead, where you can keep a close eye on things. Then if anything happens you can firmly tell the mother you don't want your son playing with him while he is going through a hitting stage and you won't have to feel guilty about making excuses because that's a bloody good one! Invite her too, so she can witness if it happens.

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MumofBoysx2 · 21/05/2018 17:21

PS at age four mostly us parents went with the kids on these get togethers.

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Juells · 21/05/2018 17:22

I think the suggestion about inviting to yours, but telling him he goes home the first time he hits, that could work. Worth a try, if the mum is nice.

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BlueBalletDress · 21/05/2018 17:29

I've had to drop friends with spiteful DC, it's just not worth the hassle!

I always feel bad (especially when I like the parent), but if they can't keep their DC's in check I won't let my children be at the end of their awful behaviour.

Maybe give it a go and see what happens? If it's awful just say you don't think the kids got along very well last time and leave it at that.

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lettuceWrap · 21/05/2018 18:53

Regardless of the child’s behaviour, if you don’t want to do play dates, or weekend play dates, then don’t do them!

None of our 4 DC did play dates at that age (maybe from around 7 or 8 when they actually asked if they could have friends around), and almost never at the weekends, the exception being birthday parties.

It’s pretty easy to say sorry, weekends are family time, we try to keep them free for family activities.

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