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AIBU?

To think that Byron's could be a little kinder...

93 replies

Aika · 21/05/2018 13:26

DS8 is autistic, he is relatively high-functioning, attends a mainstream school with some adjustments made for him. He really really likes burgers from Byron's, so the family eats there a lot. On Sunday we went to their place in Greenwich, which is not our 'usual', but we've been there several times before. On arrival we saw customers being escorted upstairs and we asked if we could sit there too. We were refused on the grounds that they were closing upstairs soon and were shown a table downstairs. After we sat down DS complained about noise - music was very loud, people at the table next to us were practically shouting and the acoustics in the lower level is very different to the upstairs. So we asked the waiter if we could move upstairs promising to order quickly and eat before 7 when they needed to close (it was about 6.15). Flat no. DS by that time was covering his ears, squealing quietly and looking very distressed - we didn't bring his ear defenders which was very stupid of us, but we didn't expect to need them as we've been there many times begore. We wanted to leave, but DS refused because it is very difficult for an autistic brain to change plans like that and he really wanted the burger. I spoke to the manager and explained about autism, sensory issues and inflexible patterns. Basically, I begged. The manager refused quite aggressively. Then I saw DH, DS and DD leaving - DH somehow convinced DS to go. The manager looked very happy. Afterwards DS had a cry, we all went to GBK and had a pleasant meal. It was much quieter there. However, the experience left DS overstimulated and he had night terrors at night. He couldn't sleep and kept screaming. Today I am at work preparing for a very important presentation and I haven't had much sleep let alone being exhausted after everything.
AIBU to be really pissed off that the manager could not show a little kindness. I know nobody owes us anything but autism can be quite unpredictable and we had an unexpected meltdown where it was supposed to be a relaxing family meal.

OP posts:
Neverender · 21/05/2018 13:30

Have you complained to Head Office? I'd do that.

biggirlknickers · 21/05/2018 13:30

Yanbu. The manager sounds very unpleasant and really shouldn’t be in the service industry with an attitude like that.

Glad your DS enjoyed his meal out in the end.

I’d be writing s letter of complaint to the company if I were you.

MarthaArthur · 21/05/2018 13:32

Sorry you had a bad experience op thats really tough. I hope ds got his burger in the other place. I see both sides to this story.
The upstairs was closing so they wanted less people up there making it easier to clean and shut on time. Sadly more people and especially children can eat slowly and cant be kicked out once started so they didnt want to chance allowing you to go.

On the other hand they should be aware of customers having unpredictable behaviours nd challenges as a big business and they should have found the best solution to the problem. If no solution was available then they should have been apologetic and explained the situation.

Wolfiefan · 21/05/2018 13:33

Maybe they didn't have the staff available to open upstairs. Maybe they were preparing for a function. Maybe they needed to clean upstairs before they closed.
Take the ear defenders next time.

MarthaArthur · 21/05/2018 13:33

Not that i am suggesting they were right to not allow you upstairs when other people were. Thats out of order. I think you should put in a complaint. They should give you vouchers and an apology for their behaviour.

TeddyIsaHe · 21/05/2018 13:33

This will probably sound harsh, but it’s up to you to make sure the environment you’re in is suitable for your DS. The manager wasn’t right to be aggressive, but if they’re closing the upstairs it’s for a reason, usually due to the evenings being quieter so there’s not enough staff. Also once one family goes upstairs everyone else will want to, so I doubt he’s picking on you, more a one rule for all kind of thing.

FortyFeet · 21/05/2018 13:38

Couldn't eat upstairs, so chose to remain downstairs where it was noisy? Umm...

tinkerbellone · 21/05/2018 13:38

I have autistic child. We have regularly had to leave a restaurant if it’s too noisy or too busy.
I think that it’s your responsibility to ensure the environment is suitable. He was over stimulated because of your choices it because of the manager.
I agree the manager shouldn’t have been aggressive.
I sympathise with you because I’ve been in the same situation.

tinkerbellone · 21/05/2018 13:39

*not

Hillfarmer · 21/05/2018 13:42

Get onto twitter. I feel your pain. Sounds awful. Nothing worse than having unfeeling and obnoxious response from someone like that, when he could have easily solved it then and there.

My ASD son is 9 and we occasionally encounter shitty people. Sometimes I have a parent-fail and forget to do my bit re: explaining stuff beforehand, giving him a clear plan etc etc. And I understand that his autism is not their problem...but this restaurant manager is there to make sure ALL his customers have a happy experience, so he was failing at his job.

I would have got onto the pavement and wept hot tears of frustration, humiliation and sadness.it ruins the whole day. You did not have to go through that. Twitter is great for this kind of thing...what you went through was not only entirely unnecessary but very bad business.

P.s. put GBK on your tweet...they may be inspired to give Greenwich staff some positive reinforcement!

Aika · 21/05/2018 13:43

TeddyIsaHe I know that and like every other parent of any child, with or without disability, I do that every day. This time was different. We didn't know they'd close upstairs, where we went several times before and I wouldn't have asked if (1) the other family was allowed there literally in front of our eyes, the cut off time being when we walked in; (2) the music wasn't too loud, louder than normal.
Forgetting ear defenders was our fault. We don't normally use them at places like Byron's. The last few weeks have been quite tough on the family and we wanted to go out somewhere familiar.

OP posts:
Aika · 21/05/2018 13:46

FortyFeet
No, we left. It took some time to convince him to go as he was set on that place - autistic children can be inflexible

OP posts:
Mablecable · 21/05/2018 13:48

I know exactly what you mean about the music. The Byron in Bromley has music which is really loud and I no longer go thee as it upsets my v placid baby who copes with a lot usually. Sympathies. They should have been kinder.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 21/05/2018 13:52

YABU you where told by more than one person that the upstairs was being closed just because you seen someone going up there doesn't mean that you they want everyone up there ASD or no ASD you where told no you should've accepted it and take his ear defenders next time. For all you know there could've been a booking or party going on in the upstairs and that's why you where refused or there just wasn't enough staff to cover the upstairs.

Aika · 21/05/2018 13:55

Hillfarmer

Thank you for your kind words. Normally, we prepare for everything when we go to a new place. This was supposed to be tried and tested and familiar.

OP posts:
Bakingberry · 21/05/2018 13:55

I would take the complaint to head office. They are a family restaurant and could easily have accommodated your son in this situation.

Sorry you had such a bad experience. Let us know how you get on Smile

Juells · 21/05/2018 13:57

That manager was just mean :(

Aridane · 21/05/2018 13:58

I think if they were shutting upstairs, the staff / manager didn't have much discretion to keep it open just for you. Especially as it was already 6.15pm and you were already sat downstairs. Glad you had a good meal though with GBK

kissthealderman · 21/05/2018 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wolfiefan · 21/05/2018 14:00

The trouble is you can't control the environment in a restaurant. You've eaten there before so clearly know the acoustics aren't great downstairs. Did you call and ask specifically for a table upstairs?
You couldn't sit upstairs. That couldn't be helped. You could have taken the ear defenders or called in advance but didn't.

toolonglurking · 21/05/2018 14:03

Did you ask if they could turn the music down?

LighthouseSouth · 21/05/2018 14:04

are you sure the people upstairs weren't the people attending the party?

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MightyMucks · 21/05/2018 14:05

Forgetting ear defenders was our fault.

This is the only relevant bit of the OP.

It was your oversight which caused the whole situation so shifting the blame on to Byron is a bit shitty really.

Aika · 21/05/2018 14:05

To everyone telling me it was my fault... I know it was. Totally.
Sometimes you just hope that people can be a bit kinder.

OP posts:
LighthouseSouth · 21/05/2018 14:08

the thing is hospitality staff spend their whole lives being kind and dealing with ever greater demands.

I'm sure someone will come along and say "it's a choice" but sometimes it is the only choice to put food on the table so generally I think they do an amazing job.

Byron haven't done anything wrong here.

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