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AIBU to think we shouldn’t always have to do this?

(99 Posts)
MrsDylanBlue Sun 20-May-18 21:24:44

Step parent so will prob get flamed but here goes.

DSD1 who is 13 told me today at 15:50 (Sunday) that she has cooking tomoz at school and needs ingredients.

They were also getting ready for the 2.5 hour drive home. OH texted their Mum and asked if she could grab what she needs (I suggested that as we had been in town she could of mentioned it then - OH proceeds to tell me she asked him yday) her Mum said no it is our responsibility as our weekend.

Anyway I quickly took her to Tesco express and got the things she needed that we didn’t have so she didn’t get into trouble.

I have also sorted it out for her in the past.

AIBU to think the RP should really be sorting this out. It never once crossed my mind that my ex would provide ingredients for school cooking as he pays me maintenance (as does DH to his ex) also the practicality of transporting says ingredients Home.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin Sun 20-May-18 21:26:46

Why should the RP have to do all the grunt work for school?

MrsDylanBlue Sun 20-May-18 21:27:32

I always did - it never crossed my mind my ex would do this.

AnathemaPulsifer Sun 20-May-18 21:29:30

You have an OH problem...

I don't see why the NRP shouldn't sort cooking ingredients for a Monday lesson after their weekend. Your OH should have sorted it yesterday.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin Sun 20-May-18 21:29:38

Homework etc should be done by whoever has the child that weekend imo. It's only fair, that way nobody is stuck doing all of the crappy every day stuff. It's shared.

sweeneytoddsrazor Sun 20-May-18 21:30:09

A few bits and pieces for school cookery isn't going to cost much. I would be more cross that OH hadn't mentioned it yesterday tbh

scrumples Sun 20-May-18 21:32:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NapQueen Sun 20-May-18 21:33:20

Your OH is who you should be annoyed at. His daughter told him on Saturday that she needs ingredient for school and he still hadnt sorted it by teatime Sunday? Pretty crap show from him.

gingerbreadbiscuits Sun 20-May-18 21:35:11

Yep. Definitely and OH problem.

Definitely the responsibility of whoever has the child to sort out child related things.

MsGameandWatching Sun 20-May-18 21:35:38

They're with their Dad so it's down to him, or you if you take that kind of active role with them.

You're basically saying that all the drudge and planning should fall to the RP even when the children aren't actually with her. Do you see how unreasonable that is?

VladmirsPoutine Sun 20-May-18 21:36:15

The problem is that your partner didn't sort it yesterday. Not even mentioning it with the expectation that you sort it but actually that he did fuck all about it.

MrsDylanBlue Sun 20-May-18 21:37:00

I didn’t think of it as H/W tbh when put like that yes.

My kids stepmum used to refuse to wash their uniforms and I had to do it when they returned on a Sunday.

I guess I get sick of all the extras sometimes -we pay maintenance set by the CMA and phones etc on top of that on top of petrol and we buy them coats, shoes. It wasn’t a massive expense.

HellenaHandbasket Sun 20-May-18 21:37:55

Why should she when child was with you? Your oh's problem for forgetting tbh and he should have sorted it.

HellenaHandbasket Sun 20-May-18 21:39:02

And as you know, the maintenance set by CMA is a minimum.

MrsDylanBlue Sun 20-May-18 21:39:19

I just hope the solo egg survived the 150 mile trip smile

Justmuddlingalong Sun 20-May-18 21:41:16

You don't always have to do it. You did have to do it this weekend as it was your weekend. Perfectly reasonable and a rather minor gripe IMHO. If you don't want to do it, get your OH to do it, but don't pass the buck to the RP, when it's not her time. Take it up with your OH, not her.

NapQueen Sun 20-May-18 21:41:59

My kids stepmum used to refuse to wash their uniforms and I had to do it when they returned on a Sunday maybe she thought (correctly) that the kids dad should do it.

FullOfJellyBeans Sun 20-May-18 21:43:17

I agree YAB a bit U. I think the RP always ends up paying more, and doing more of the grunt work so if it's your weekend it's right that you should sort her school stuff for tomorrow.

VladmirsPoutine Sun 20-May-18 21:43:41

I guess I get sick of all the extras sometimes -we pay maintenance set by the CMA and phones etc on top of that on top of petrol and we buy them coats, shoes.

This is part and parcel of what you sign up for when blending families.

MrsDylanBlue Sun 20-May-18 21:44:22


I said her because she was the one who told the kids she wasn’t doing it and it was her washing machine and yes my ex was spineless.

Orchidflower1 Sun 20-May-18 21:47:07

Your oh should have organised it- be cross with him. And I would have sent two eggs in case one broke.

LovingLola Sun 20-May-18 21:50:03

I just hope the solo egg survived the 150 mile trip

You sound mean.

Glumglowworm Sun 20-May-18 21:50:12

Why should all the extras fall to the RP though? They already get all the crappy daily grind stuff, are they supposed to pay for anything extra as well? Bearing in mind that RP of younger children may well have their earning ability curtailed by childcare needs/cost, while the NRP isn’t constrained in the same way.

The problem here is with DP who knew his dd needed stuff for cooking and didn’t bother to do anything about it.

MrsDylanBlue Sun 20-May-18 21:50:16

Yes I agree it’s what you sign up for.

DSD2 asked if she can take her swimming costume from here for a school trip and she doesn’t have one, that’s fine as long as it comes back and doesn’t get eaten by the dog like everthing else.

They have clothes at ours and we bought them new shoes as they had none here and only bought school shoes and DSD1 took her brand new shoes home and didn’t bring them back.

Stuff like that is annoying. OH takes them to the library and the books get lost or destroyed by the dog and he gets the fines.

I get that IA probably being U re the cooking stuff.

Cherrysherbet Sun 20-May-18 21:57:15

I feel sorry for the children in these situations. It sounds like you are begrudging her a few cooking ingredients. Suck it up, I say.

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