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Childcare arrangements

(101 Posts)
Idontknow13 Sun 20-May-18 17:35:43

I’m having a discussion with dh about childcare arrangements when I go back to work from maternity in a few months time. I will go back part time 3 days per week. My mother has agreed to have ds (currently 6mo) two days a week, she lives close by, and dh wants his mum to have him for the other day, understandably its important to him to have his mum involved.

I get along well with his mother, we are not particularly close but I like her a lot and trust her with ds. However she lives 30 minutes away (much longer in rush hour traffic) and doesn’t drive, so it would mean an hour round trip, twice that day, to drop off and pick up ds. This would lengthen ds day (I will be 9-5, dh same), I.e he would have to get up and ready an hour or more earlier and get home an hour later. Bedtime currently 7pm although this may change as he gets older I don’t know (first baby).

I’m looking for opinions as to whether I’m being unreasonable to have reservations about taking ds to MIL. It is only one day per week so maybe it would work well. Maybe I’m worrying about nothing. And of course it would be free childcare and he would be cared for by his nanna who he knows and who dates on him.

I’ll be honest at the moment I’m finding conversations about leaving ds with anyone (including my own mother) difficult at the moment as I want to care for him myself full time, but we are unlikely to be able to afford this. I know that sounds pathetic!

donkir Sun 20-May-18 17:37:22

Could she not get the bus to you and have Ds at your house rather than the other way round?

GalwayWayfarer Sun 20-May-18 17:39:51

I don't think you sound pathetic! However I do think that as it's only one day a week it's worth the extra drive for the free childcare and for facilitating a good relationship between your DS and his GM.

Would it be possible for GM to come to yours now and then on public transport and watch him at your home? Would save you a bit of a drive if she could.

Idontknow13 Sun 20-May-18 17:42:15

Hi, thanks both. It’s perhaps something we could ask her to do although it feels a bit cheeky. I’m sure she would consider it tho as it would be extra time with her grandson. Dh is upset with me as he thinks I don’t want her to have him which is definitely not the case!

Sausagerollers Sun 20-May-18 17:42:32

Is your DH going to take and pick up your DS from his mum?

If his commute is the standard 45mins to hour that most people have, adding an extra 2 hours in commuting to your MIL on top of a full working day will soon get old.

Why don't you let him try it, see how he and DS get on and then reassess?

PotteringAlong Sun 20-May-18 17:45:25

An extra 2 hours commute? Not a hope.

I would say though that 1day a week in Nursery is not a lot for settling, so I’d do 1 day with your mum and 2 days at Nursery.

Idontknow13 Sun 20-May-18 17:46:35

I suggested that dh do the driving about and he said he’s fine with that, but he leaves for work earlier than I do so it would be easier on ds routine if I drove him myself...

Idontknow13 Sun 20-May-18 17:48:08

Pottering it’s a lot isn’t it! I felt like I was being a cow by dh’s reaction!! He won’t be happy that his mother is ‘not involved’ although we see her regularly enough.

Strawberry2017 Sun 20-May-18 17:48:30

I wouldn't want to do that commute before I even started work, the point of childcare is to make it convenient for you not make it more of a hassle for you.
I have the same think with my MIL and I'm not considering her at all because it would be a nightmare for me, I'm choosing to use a local nursery that I pass on the way to work.
If he's adamant he wants your little one going there then tell him fine but he needs to do the dropping off and picking up.

PotteringAlong Sun 20-May-18 17:48:34

Could one of you drop off and one of you pick up?

kaytee87 Sun 20-May-18 17:49:57

I'd ask if she can come to you. I know if my Dm or mil are looking after ds they prefer to do it at ours as all his stuff is here and he sleeps better in his own cot.

Mosaic123 Sun 20-May-18 17:50:28

Could she come to you on the bus in the morning and get a lift home from one of you?

Mumprobs11 Sun 20-May-18 17:50:56

I now have a 1 year old, and honestly I wouldn't do it. Your day will be busy enough trying to get home, dinner, bath etc without adding on that extra time spent in the car. You will come to resent her, even if it is free childcare. It would be worth paying one day per week in my opinion, unless she could come to you.

RickyGold Sun 20-May-18 17:51:00

Get dh to do the run, when I went back to work, ds (5 months) needed to be in childcare for 6.30 am 2 days a week, his routine survived fine.

Imchlibob Sun 20-May-18 17:51:35

If dh is happy to be responsible for getting ds up and ready and driving him to grandma then I think ds will probably cope. If dh was expecting you to bend over backwards to accommodate this that would be another story. Do neither of you have any flex in your hours? You could reduce the long day ds has if you could shuffle your hours so as to pick him up earlier?

I agree with pp that a single day a week at nursery isn't great.

RandomMess Sun 20-May-18 17:52:13

Could you collect her the evening before and her stay over and get public transport home (or vice versa)

Somersetlady Sun 20-May-18 17:55:01

Pick tbe mil up and drop her home? Same journey!?

NeverTwerkNaked Sun 20-May-18 17:56:39

Could one of you pick her up the night before, and she stays over? That’s what quite a few grandparents do? Or DH could do fewer hours that day and catch up on other days?
That said, it sounds like a small sacrifice to have good cheap childcare.

Westcoastvacation Sun 20-May-18 17:57:32

How about 2 days a week at nursery and then you alternate the grandmas. 1 week yours got a day next week his.

This would mean you only have to do the long trip to his mom’s twice a month.

Mannix Sun 20-May-18 17:57:49

I think as it's only one day a week I would say yes for the sake of family harmony. If it involved doing the extra driving every day, that would be different. Make sure your DH does one of the lifts though!

Bubblysqueak Sun 20-May-18 17:58:01

could you do it on the last of your working days so a later bedtime/tiredness wouldn't be too.bad as be could have a chilled out day at home the following day?

NeverTwerkNaked Sun 20-May-18 17:58:01

also don’t worry about going back to work, your child will thrive and it means you will have far more options in the future

Leeds2 Sun 20-May-18 17:59:04

I think I would make sure DH did both the dropping off and picking up. Your little one will get used to the routine fairly quickly.
Equally, I agree with Random that you could pick her up the night before, she stays over and looks after DS in his own home, and you then take her back. If she came over on a Sunday evening to look after DS on a Monday, it would mean only one journey to and from her house on a working day.

TookyClothespin Sun 20-May-18 18:01:07

I wouldn't do it. Yes it's free childcare, and yes it's good for your DS to have time with his grandmother, but IMO it's not worth the stress, longer day, wear and tear on the car etc. What if you get stuck in traffic etc on the way? If she can get to yours that would be preferable. Or nursery instead.

Sunshinegirl82 Sun 20-May-18 18:01:34

If I'm honest I think it will be a right pain but I would let your DH do it and find that out for himself! Could you alternate so that every other week MIL comes and stays over the night before?

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